I can see God being that annoying roommate who’s all “Dude do whatever the fuck you want, but don’t touch my apples. I fucking love apples.”
Don't ever refer to Astronomy as Astrology. That's like walking around with a rabbit and telling everyone it's the Easter Bunny.
When you voice hatred of others, you're just projecting your own self-loathing–you might as well reach way down in there for the good stuff.
My existence can usually be described as waiting for sync to start.
Each day seek a few quiet moments to contemplate inner peace, the craziness of the Universe and French fries. Because French fries are fucking awesome.
Boobs are great, but if you had a pair of flaming ghost rider skulls where boobs go, I'd still check em out. So don't mistake me for shallow.
Guy tip: deep down, women mostly think penises are funny or stupid-looking. They also like to laugh. So expose your penis often.