From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
This SUCKS.
Did you hear about the water main break in downtown Portland over the weekend? It was spewing a thousand gallons per minute as it flooded a courthouse basement and my favorite music store with two feet of water. There's 90 miles of water pipes running under the area that are upwards of 100 years old. Federal money for desperately-needed infrastructure improvements here and around the country sure would help prevent similar catastrophes in the future as well as put a lot of people back to work. It ain't gonna happen. But that's not what sucks.
Perhaps you heard about the several states with Republican governors who are saying "No!" to expanding Medicaid as part of the Affordable Care Act, meaning a whole bunch of our fellow citizens will fall through the cracks of health care reform. Maine is one of those states, and thousands of people who otherwise would qualify for health care will continue to be left out. But that's not what sucks.
Perhaps you read about how the sequester is threatening to decimate domestic abuse services around the country, including here in Maine. But that's not what sucks.
Even though the federal government has seen to it that our roads and bridges and sewers and water pipes continue crumbling to dust and rust…even though lots of Americans will be forced to go without health care…even though battered and abused women have fewer and fewer options for seeking relief…even though domestic services of every size and scope and sector of society are being hammered by Republican-fueled deficit hysteria and pure unfettered political cruelty, that's not what sucks.
No.
The federal government, without batting an eyelash, just awarded a $2.8 billion contract to a Maine shipyard for brand-new Arleigh Burke guided-missile destroyers. 500 feet long...Top speed 30+ knots...Standard missiles, vertical-launch ASROC missiles, Tomahawk missiles, MK-46 Torpedoes and a 5 MK 45 Gun. These babies will blow your shit away without so much as causing a ripple in the soup the crew is slurpin' on below deck.
We were supposed to get a guarantee of five shiny new warships of mass destruction. But thanks to the sequester we're only getting four unless they come up with the cash for the fifth by slashing more domestic programs or something, which they probably will but it might take a few days or even a week. A week!
That sucks. Where's our priorities, people? Where's our priorities???
Somebody hold me. All this warship uncertainty is making me feel vulnerable.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Note: For temporary relief of minor joint pain, try new ACME Anesthesia in new easy-to-swallow gelcaps. [Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, and violent dreams about horrific joint pain.]
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Independence Day: 29
Days 'til the Cape May Harbor Fest in New Jersey: 10
Increase in auto sales in May: 8.2%
Increase in sales of the Chevrolet Silverado: 25%
(Source: Autodata)
Percent of Americans who now view the Republican party as a bunch of scum-sucking, misogynist goons (or words to that effect): 59%
(Source: CNN poll)
Sun Protection Factor (SPF) of the fullest beards: 21
(Source: Details)
Percent chance that we were made to suffer: 100%
(Source: C-3PO)
Oh, and this:
Boston Red Sox 17 Texas Rangers 5
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 5 Moral Standards and 1 demon ousterer). Soul Protection Factor 21 lotion (or a full beard) is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Mr. Bacon
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CHEERS to sunny days ahead for solar. Memo to the fossil fuel zombies: the tighter you squeeze, the more the green energy sector is going to slip through your fingers. Take sun power for instance. Brian Dowling atThe Hartford Courant says that leasing solar panels is becoming a popular way to minimize the hassle and expense of getting off the grid:
And ya ain't seen nothin' yet.
The solar company, not you, owns the equipment — just like car dealership owns a leased car. And so in many cases, when it comes time for routine maintenance or repairs, the company is responsible. When the lease ends, you have the option of buying the system, renewing the lease or having it removed. If you move out, the solar systems also can be transferred to a new owner.
SolarCity, a California solar outfit that has offered solar leases in Connecticut since 2011, has signed more than 350 leases in the state and more than 40,000 countrywide. The company's chairman, Elon Musk, is the CEO of electric car company Tesla Motors and spacecraft firm Space-X. This week, Goldman Sachs said it would put up $500 million in financing for SolarCity leases.
Last week solar's arch-enemy, Exxon Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson,
lamented, "What good is saving the planet if civilization suffers?" Amazingly, he wasn't looking into a mirror when he said it.
aka THE COWARD
WRIGGLE WRIGGLE to Governor Wormy McSquirmy. New Jersey's deficit-hawk-in-charge is going to wave his magic wand and---
Ta-Daaaa!!!---come up with $24 million
for a special election this October to fill the late Frank Lautenberg's senate seat. His decision conveniently eliminates any, um, "distractions" between him and his re-election just 19 days later in November. But he still has to appoint a placeholder to serve for the next four months, and the tea party will be watching him closely (with googly eyes) to make sure he or she is appropriately anti-everything. As for the rest of us, get ready for the imminent arrival of a man-made disaster: late-night Snooki-for-Senate jokes.
CHEERS to fighters for truth, justice and the American way. One of America's great journalists and commentators in the Edward R. Murrow tradition, Bill Moyers, turns a year more seasoned today (39, I think). Besides having an impeccable first name, he also has a sterling reputation as a straight shooter, a passionate advocate for truth and the fundamentals of democracy. (And it was so nice of him to come out of retirment and get back in front of the camera.) Here, munch on some bon Moyers:
"America's corporate and political elites now form a regime of their own and they're privatizing democracy. All the benefits---the tax cuts, policies and rewards flow in one direction: up.”
C&J's Sexiest Pundit Alive.
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Secrecy is the freedom tyrants dream of.
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Our very lives depend on the ethics of strangers, and most of us are always strangers to other people.
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Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism.
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When I learn something new---and it happens every day---I feel a little more at home in this universe, a little more comfortable in the nest.
When I learn something new I usually require Tylenol.
JEERS to the Truly Dumb Moment of the Week. Really, Turkey? Your cops pepper-sprayed the woman in the red dress? The one who looks like she's just standing there quietly waiting for a bus? At point-blank range? With a high-pressure garden hose pepper-spray thingee? While cameras were clicking and the Twitterverse was swarming?
Now that I think about it, I'm upgrading this to the Truly Dumb Moment of the
Month.
JEERS to the GOP's very bad horrible no good day. On June 5, 1933, the U.S. went off the gold standard. Seventy-one years later, on June 5, 2004, Ronald Reagan died. If you see any Republicans walking toward you with a black cloud hanging over their head today, give 'em a wide berth.
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Five years ago in C&J: June 5, 2008
CHEERS to the end of the end. It's over. MSNBC reported last night that, with her core support crumbling, Hillary Clinton will bow out of the race---and endorse Barack Obama---in D.C. on Saturday. To say she ran a tough campaign would be the understatement of the year, and no one will ever forget the trail she blazed---as significant a breakthrough for women as Barack is for African-Americans. With the primary contest now rapidly coming to an official end (marked by words of class and magnanimity on both sides), we would be remiss if we didn’t say thank you, kiddie pool splashers, for helping make C&J, for the most part, a "safe place" to hang out these last several months when the rancor upstairs in the diaries was most intense. To show our gratitude: fresh peaches! [6/5/13 Update: We still have some peaches leftover from that day. They're a little green and fuzzy, but I tried one and they still taste okay. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta mosey on. Grandma is calling me into the light.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a world-class throne sitter. Yesterday marked the 60th anniversary of Queen Elizabeth II's 1953 coronation. Among the events that took place across the pond:
Okay, okay, I admit it.
She's growing on me.
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> Reenactment of the coronation, Bollywood-style
> Invasion of France via the Chunnel (Didin't see that comin', didja, froggies?!!)
> The Lighting of the Beacons
> The Mad Scramble to Put Out the Fires Caused By the Overzealous Beacons Committee
> Bumper hats
> "Tickle Prince Charles's Frown Upside Down"
> Double-decker bus joyride to Arthur Treacher's
The festivities were televised on BBC1, BBC2, BBC3….etc etc…and BBC429. So please join me in hoisting a stout and wishing Britain's indefatigable mum a hearty…um…"Chim Chim Cher-ee!" I think that's Latin.
Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Majority Of Doctors Would Prescribe Medical Marijuana To Bill in Portland Maine
---Thin k Progress
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