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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

It Begins.

President Obama in Orlando, August 2, 2012
"Tag, you're it."

President Barack Obama bends over so the son of a White House staff member can pat his head during a family visit to the Oval Office May 8, 2009. The youngster wanted to see if the President's haircut felt like his own. (Official White House Photo by Pete
"Tag, you're it!"

Pres Obama feels the hair of a youngster while greeting families at US Embassy Tanzania July 1.
"Oh yeah? Tag, you're it!"

You win for now, Obama. But this thing ain't over.

Not by a long shot.

---Children of the World

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Note: Tomorrow morning we'll post our traditional July 4, 1776 column---complete with mutton and pigeon pudding---and C&J will be off Friday and Monday.  Have a safe and independence-minded holiday weekend.  And don't forget to pick up your wig from the powderer.  ---Mom

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World Beer festival 2013 logo
Mmm...beer.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the New York City mayoral primary: 69
Days 'til the 2013 World Beer Festival in Cleveland: 10
American troops killed in combat in Afghanistan during the first six months of 2013: 72
(Source: iCasualties.org)
Number of U.S. schools affected by new Agriculture Dept. restrictions on junk food sold in school vending machines: 100,000
Median value of items and cash stolen during burglaries in 2011, up 54% from 1994: $2,120
(Source: Justice Dept. via Time)
Weight of the first-ever Atheist Monument allowed on government property (in Stark, Florida): 1,500 lbs.
Percent chance this is the last atheist monument that will be installed on government property: 0%

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 184 (including 5 ecumenisms and 1 Ex-Gay Pride Month rally).  Soul Protection Factor 45 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  Next session in the Supreme Court: Woozle v. Water Sprinkler.

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CHEERS and JEERS to gettin' outta Dodge.  According to the travel organization AAA (pronounced "Ahhhhh…"), 41 million people will be trying to get to their vacation destination at exactly the same time and at exactly the same place as you.  That's down just a tad from last year.  The details:

Jetpack
Bon Voyajee!!!
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This year 46 percent of intending travelers plan to begin their trip prior to the start of the holiday travel period (July 3-7), compared to 65 percent last year. The largest share of travelers (32 percent) on a single day will depart on July 3 and the largest share will return on July 7 (38 percent). Thirty-four percent intend to stretch their holiday vacation into the following week returning on or after Monday, July 8.
If you'll be on the road and a fellow driver pisses you off, take George Carlin's advice to heart.  Be subtle.  Instead of giving 'em the finger or cussing them out, just roll down your window and calmly say, "I hope your children turn out poorly."

CHEERS to buyer's reMorsi.  Remember how the right-wingers in this country swore up and down that the Egyptian revolution was going to lead to iron-fisted rule by the Muslim Brotherhood that would last for centuries and cause America to turn into a nation of Sharia-law freaks?  Well, the Muslim Brotherhood president of Egypt has been on the job for one year and his performance review isn’t going well:  

If Egypt was Saturn, it would look like this.
Egypt's army has plans to push Mohamed Mursi aside and suspend the constitution after an all but impossible ultimatum it has given the Islamist president expires in less than 24 hours, military sources told Reuters on Tuesday.

[T]ens of thousands of Mursi's Muslim Brotherhood supporters took to the streets, [b]ut they appeared to be dwarfed by anti-government protesters who turned out in their hundreds of thousands across the nation.

In the distance, Mubarek snickered

JEERS to the possibility of four more years of "him."  This should come as no surprise, but last night at a fundraiser hosted by Jeb Bush (thus flushing his political aspirations down the toilet), Maine Governor Paul LeVaseline announced---after clumsily "hinting" otherwise last week---that he's gonna try for a second term.  Meanwhile, the likely Democrat in the race, popular Congressman Mike Michaud, has raised a nice wad of cash and he hasn't even announced yet.  There's concern that Michaud and the independent in the race, oddball mystery man Eliot Cutler, will split the ticket and let LePage slip through again with less than 40 percent of the vote.  But there's a difference this time.  In 2010 the tea party was swarming and the Democratic candidate might as well have been a ficus tree.  This time LePage has become a state (and national) embarrassment and Michaud is a seasoned pro.  And Cutler?  Just my opinion, but I think there's something weird about a guy who eats forty AA batteries for breakfast every morning.  To be continued…

George Washington's teeth
Washington
CHEERS to the right man for the right job at the right time. On July 3rd, 1775, George Washington---freshly promoted to general by the constitutional mouseketeers---took command of the Continental Army in Cambridge, Massachusetts.  He won some battles, lost some (okay, a lot) and suffered mightily, but had the courage, smarts and fortitude to keep his army together and eventually claim victory by bottling up old Butthead Cornwallis at Yorktown.  And he did it all while wearing knee stockings.  Suck it, Patton.

Game of Mousetrap
The CIA's plan
to catch Snowden.
JEERS to the distraction known as Edward Sleightofhands.  Let's check in on the latest asylum status of Edward Snowden, the contract NSA worker who made off with Michelle Obama's kitchen garden recipes as well as all our nuclear launch codes: Ecuador says no.  Snowden says yes to Russia, Russia says maybe to Snowden, then Snowden says no to Russia.  Iceland says leave a message at the beep.  France and Portugal said no to…Bolivia???  And off in the corner is Venezuela, shyly batting its eyelashes as it works up the courage to invite Snowden onto the dance floor.  Meanwhile the NSA continues hoovering up our every keystroke, phone call, sneeze, burp and thought for later use as an excuse to throw us all in jail and suck out our precious bodily fluids, which will be used to make Soylent Green.  But not Soylent Orange because, hey, let's not get paranoid.

JEERS to mean moon men.  And now a special comment to the elitist joy-killing astronomer snobberati and their Upper West Side panty sniffing benefactors who set their phasers to "kill" and vaporized the idea of naming one of Pluto's moons Vulcan: Live Short and Go broke.  Please note that I said that without emotion.  

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Five years ago in C&J: July 3, 2008

CHEERS to burgers and brats with Barack.  In a twist on the old "Who would you rather have a beer with" question, most Americans---by a margin of 52% to 45%---said they'd rather have a barbeque with Obama than McCain (via AP):

President Barack Obama barbeque
Come 'n get it!
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Having Obama to a barbecue would be like a relaxed family gathering, while inviting McCain "would be more like a retirement party than something fun," said Wesley Welbourne, 38, a systems engineer from Washington, D.C.
Meanwhile, down the street the three people who picked Ralph Nader would stand around listening to him rant about how there's absolutely no difference between hamburgers and hot dogs.

JEERS to Fox News.  The network that complains about not being taken seriously got caught doctoring photos yesterday to make two New York Times employees look slimy and devious.  The Times responded by making the Fox anchors look slimy and devious by publishing their photos undoctored.

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And just one more…

FIRE IN THE HOLE! to lightin' them freedom fuses and firin' them warnin' whistlers.  Fireworks are now a fact of life here in Maine, thanks to our Republican-led legislature…and sales are, um, booming.  In fairness, municipalities are still free to ban fireworks, and Portland is among them (our city has burned down enough times, thanks).  Suffice it to say, some of our neighbors are already firing shit off their balcony, and Grampa Billy has got the cops on speed-dial.  Harumph.  And now please join us for our annual pre-4th C&J tradition---the safe and civic-minded blowing up of the mannequins and setting their dresses on fire with fireworks show:

And then give a flag-wavin' cheer to our current state motto: "Maine: The Emergency Room Is Thataway!"

Happy Pre-Birthday Birthday, America.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

With his curved 'wings,' long pointed nose, and gleaming belly propped high above the waves, Bill in Portland Maine might be better suited to the sky than the sea.
---MainSail

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Poll

Of these, your favorite lazy summer afternoon backyard game?

7%165 votes
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| 2315 votes | Vote | Results

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