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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Monday Comity

I admit it. I sometimes say things on this blog that are unkind to Republicans. I just kinda go crazy mad and tap into my more evil creative side with words like "goober," "double goober" and "[Redacted] goober." What can I say---it's a superpower I can't always tame.

To atone for my incivility, Saturday I reached across the ideological divide and ventured into the comments of the right-wing blogosphere searching for common ground. Only this time, because I had been naughtier than usual with my poison hippie pen, I forced myself to venture exclusively into the bowels of World Net Daily---where Jesus packs an assault rifle and if your last name isn't Beck, Hannity or Limbaugh then it must be Hitler---to find some nuggets of normalcy. Could I pull it off?

Barely. I searched the site for roughly 13 hours before my eyeballs started screaming out for a mercy bleaching. This is the best I could extract:

No one ever thinks long term about anything anymore.

Money must make a Great pillow.

The Republicans do nothing.

Painting of a unicorn in the woods
WND is wild
about these.
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Sugar is the CORE of nearly all health ailments today!

'Sex' "IS" an animal instinct

I wish Sarah Palin would start a new party

American's are not being paranoid. There really is someone out there trying to get us.

It is clear that the GOP is working to destroy America.

There exists rather a large grey area between eccentricity and lunacy.

Something is rotten in Denmark and every good American should be able to smell it.

We could have Howdy Doody in leadership and get better results than Cryin' John Boehner.

Next you'll tell me there aren't any unicorns.

We the people have has it with all of you!

Indeed. Can I have has an Amen? And then, after my little journey to WNDville, can I have has also a bath now?

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, July 22, 2013

Note: I'm warning you in advance (yes, I realize that's redundant, but I'm a sloppy writer so it works for me) that there will be no C&J this Friday evening.  West coast support groups should be on standby.  There could be serious withdrawal.  Please keep your civil unrest civil.

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Bangor State Fair
Four days!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Bill Clinton's 67th birthday: 28
Days 'til the Bangor State Fair: 4
Number of charities whose Superstorm Sandy fundraising numbers are being scrutinized by the NY AG's office: 50
Percent of the $575 million raised by those charities that has actually been spent: 42%
(Source: USA Today)
Factor by which the pandoravirus is larger than the normal flu virus by volume: 1,000
(Source: French researchers I don’t want to get too close to)
Drop in worldwide PC sales during the 2nd quarter of 2013 compared with the 2nd quarter of 2012: 11%
Estimated number of fingers lost to table saws every year: 4,000
(Source: Harper's Index)

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  I wonder if it could be trained to poop on Glenn Beck's car…

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Cartoon baby
Placeholder
JEERS to suspense.  I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!  PRINCESS KATE IS IN LABOR (A WORD FREQUENTLY MISSPELLED BY SLOPPY BRITS AS LABOUR) AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON!!!  WEE PRINCE?  WEE PRINCESS?  ARE THE SCEPTER, SASH AND EARS MAKING IT THROUGH THE BIRTH CANAL OKAY?  DID THE ROYAL BAND GET THERE IN TIME TO PLAY THE BENNY HILL THEME???  WELL…DID IT???!!!!!  AND HOW IS HARRY, NOW THAT HE KNOWS HE'S GETTING KNOCKED DOWN A BLOODY PEG ON THE BLOODY PECKING ORDER???  ARE THE SOUVENIR VENDORS READY???  HOT TOWELS!!!  THEY NEED MORE HOT TOWELS!!!  GAAHHHHHH!!!!  (Of all the days to quintuple my espresso.)  

CHEERS to blessed relief.  Heyyyyy…how 'bout that heat wave!  Here in Maine, the darn thing finally broke Sunday morning, leaving in its wake a string of blistering days (and nights) that had us all reaching for crowbars with which to pry our earmuffs off. People around here are talking about it (and will keep talking about it 'til the end of time---on back porches, verrry slowly) like they just survived Armageddon.  The experience has brought us all closer together---we are brothers and sisters in heatstroke.  But the folks who are breathing easiest this morning are the ones who run our local library.  Lucky for them the temperature topped out at Fahrenheit 450.

Journalist helen Thomas with JFK in 1960
With JFK in 1960.
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CHEERS to that lady who always sat in the front seat and made presidents squirm.  Take-no-prisoners journalist Helen Thomas, who grilled presidents Kennedy through Obama (with whom she shared a birthday), died Saturday at 92.  She left her job a few years back under a cloud when she said something dumb about Israelis going back to where they came from (or something).  Then again, she also said plenty of smart things, like this:
It is my hope that future journalists will adhere to the true principles of the profession and understand that they play a vital role in helping to keep democracy and the exchange of free ideas alive at home and abroad.

Reporters should be free to operate independently and be courageous enough to keep a critical eye on those in power who fail to act in the interests of the nation.  The media do not---and should not---expect to win popularity contests.  But they will be respected only if they remain true to the ideals of the profession.  They must be detached.  But they must also care.
---From Watchdogs of Democracy? The Waning Washington Press Corps And How it Has Failed The Public

And I'll never forget that, when the White House press gaggle was swooning over Bush's musky war madness, Thomas was repeatedly pointing out that the emperor had no clothes.  Today in her honor all newspaper presses will be lowered to half speed.

CHEERS to the man who wanted to be #43.  World War II veteran, Former Senate Majority Leader and 1996 GOP presidential contender (we'll skip his Viagra stint, if you don’t mind) Bob Dole joins the nonagenarian club today.  He once said, "If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to the Senate. You'll get the same kind of feeling and you won't have to pay."  But he topped that in May with a bit of candor that wasn't exactly appreciated within his team's ranks:

Bob Dole with Bob Dole impersonator Norm MacDonald
Dole with SNL's Norm
MacDonald, who does a
dead-on impersonation.
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“Could people like Bob Dole, even Ronald Reagan---could you make it in today’s Republican Party?” host Chris Wallace asked Dole on “Fox News Sunday.”

“I doubt it,” Dole said. “Reagan wouldn’t have made it. Certainly, Nixon couldn’t have made it, because he had ideas and…we might have made it, but I doubt it.”

The 1996 presidential nominee went further, saying his party should close up shop until it’s figured things out.  “I think they ought to put a sign on the national committee doors that says ‘closed for repairs’ until New Year’s Day next year and spend that time going over ideas and positive agendas,” Dole said.

We hope he enjoys his 90 percent discount at Denny's.  

CHEERS to nabbing the #1 gangsta.  On July 22, 1934, John Dillinger was gunned down after watching a movie at Chicago's Biograph Theatre.  His final words: "Agghh!! The pain!! It hurts!!"  Same thing people say today when they leave theatres showing The Lone Ranger.

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Five years ago in C&J: July 22, 2008

Campbells soup can
Austin [hearts] stars!
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CHEERS to the stars and stars forever.  Heat and humidity aside, Austin was pretty much a kick-ass host for Netroots Nation '08.  But "y'all" (a word I picked up down there) seems to have an obsession with stars.  They plaster 'em on trash cans, planters, sewer covers, sprinkler heads, trolleys, buses, banners, fences, road signs, park benches, toilet paper, doormats, baby strollers, footwear, office buildings, churches, mugs, bricks, lampposts, shirts, purses and dog collars.  They don’t have stoplights, they have starlights.  Buy a can of Campbell's Chicken with Stars soup in Austin and you get a tablespoon of broth and a giant pasta star that weighs half a pound.  They are, to coin a phrase, star struck.  (You'll never catch us obsessing over something like that in Maine---really.)  Considering they're supposed to be the "lone" star state, they sure do have a star population boom goin' on.  But anyway, my point (like a point on a STAR!) is: thanks for everything.  Except your governor.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to getting your way every time without even trying.  Sometimes it takes a blast from the past to make us stop and say, "What were we thinking?!!"  For example, it's hard to look at old cigarette ads starring happily-puffing doctors and not recognize the inherent foolishness behind them.  Same with the pre-Obamacare U.S. health insurance industry.  I found this video from five years ago, when the insurance biz was at the height of their out-of-control worst, and Obamacare wasn't even on the radar…

Four days ago the president updated us on the status of Himcare: all things considered, so far so good.  Or as the insurance bcompanies call it: no fun at all.

Have a nice Monday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Retro-Testimonial:

"There is not---and I’m including the Nazis and the Klan in here---there is not a more hateful group in the country than these Daily Kos people."
---Bill O'Reilly
7/21/08

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