It is hard to pinpoint exactly when this odd transformation takes place, but it really does.
If you have a Mother who was reminding you to come in before you wanted, to eat your vegetables, to clean your room, to mind that curfew and when all else failed short of threatning your very existence, the guilt and manipulation worked.
You will think back but it is very hard to conceive once the transformation takes place of how good it felt to run through the dew in the summer chasing fireflies. There is a vague memory sitting back in the brain of the sweet smell of rain and running through the house chasing a sibling.
One remembers having a kiss stolen by the cutest boy and the rush of emotion only to see a disapproving gleam coming from your Mother. ( she knew about hormones). That same look came around when you dared to talk back and try to argue your point of view to this woman who could care less how much you wanted the entire 10th grade class at your home for a rock and roll jam session on a school night. The words that came from your Mother's mouth were earth moving and seemed radical and un beknowing to you, one day as shocked as you were then, those same words would flow from your mouth as easily as water rushing over rocks.
The things my Mother said to me were not that memorable, I thought, until the invasion of the DAUGHTER SNATCHERS..When somewhere, at sometime you catch yourself either muttering or from the rooftop saying the same thing. You know the things I am talking about.
You are going to dry up and blow away if you don't start eating.
I am sick and tired of telling you to do something, now do it or you are going to be sorry.( I was already sorry she was sick and tired but I didn't want to move into the I will be sorry zone.)
You better quit that whining and crying or I am going to give you something to cry about.Really? What could be worse than this...but you never wanted to have that other something to cry about.
I do not want you to say another word.. Answer me when I speak to you. Am I talking to hear myself talk?Duh ... Which is it? Well yeah you are but I don't want in this argument.
Did you take a bath? Brush your teeth? Did you change that underwear? Do you know how bad I'll feel if you get in an accident with those holey drawers?Gosh Mom I kinda hoped you would feel bad because I was in an accident
You better not hang out with so and so, you will be just like them and then we will have to move because you'll be in prison for hanging out with kids who pull that stuff.WHAT ...my hanging out with someone who does not meet her approval will cause my parents to move because I end up in prison...
Where do they get this stuff?
If you don't study and work hard, you will end up on a street corner doing God knows what..he he he ... I knew....but I must agree to study hard.
It is times like this, I wish I coud just run away from home and then you would find out how hard it is out there.So many times I wanted to just say.. Well, it's pretty hard here right now...but where would you go that we all wouldn't go with you ..because you make us go with you every time the car cranks.
We are going to end up in the poorhouse if you don't stop wanting so much !Well Mama, I would think...wanting and getting is two different things...
Then the real guilt....
You will be sorry when I am gone and then you will think about how I hated to put you on restriction for this act of disobedience.
Mother is gone and I don't remember what I did much less feel sorry for it....but still back then it worked.
If you don't get in this house right now, you will be sorry.
I was already sorry that I got to come in the house.
Sit up straight or you will grow like that.I can't argue with that one.
Don't put so much in your mouth and chew your food...if you choke and die don't come running to me.Well no problem there Mama. I actually caught myself saying this today....
If you don't quiten down and go to sleep I am going to turn off the lights and you can forget watching tv.I am still trying to digest that one.
Well this is my point. At some time I hear these same sentiments exploding from my mouth and not rarely but on a rather frequent basis. I swore I would never do this.
I swore I would never make nonsense out of my parenting but guess what...? I had my body and brain invaded by my departed Mother. I think it happened one day as I put my blouse on and saw my mother's hand slide through.
I have her hands. Now I had her logic. I have managed to keep some good parenting skills and wits about me but it is a struggle truly as somewhere down the line, her words started coming out of my mouth, along with her hand from my sleeve and that waistline is looking more and more like mama and less and less like me. Do they sell an elixer to stop the Invasion?