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Last night, Jon Stewart covered the ongoing situation in Syria, taking aim at Fox News and revealing what Roger Ailes wanted, and also the hypocrisy of Vladimir Putin's op-ed in the New York Times.

If the Syrian crisis does end in a diplomatic resolution instead of the boom-y kind, at least partial credit's gotta go to Russian president and shirt allergy survivor...

(wild audience laughter)

Mr. Vladimir Putin.

BRIANNA KEILAR (9/12/2013): Putin has emerged as sort of a peacemaker in these negotiations, and the Obama administration has cautiously backed his proposal for Syria to surrender their chemical weapons stockpiles to international control.
Well, I can understand the caution.  I mean, the phrase "Russian peace proposal" is not a familiar one.  I mean, if you run a search on it, Google assumes you misspelled it.

(wild audience laughter and applause)

But you know what?  What's the harm of giving this plan a go?

TRACE GALLAGHER (9/11/2013): No matter how you spin this, it appears that Putin really is kind of pulling the strings.

RUDY GIULIANI (9/10/2013): Putin is kind of, looks like he's winning the day.

ALLEN WEST (9/10/2013): Vladimir Putin has pretty much outplayed President Obama — if I can use an old Southern term — like a broken banjo.

BILL O'REILLY GUEST (9/6/2013): Vladimir Putin, frankly, walked all over Barack Obama.

ANN COULTER (9/9/2013): Tossing Obama around, I don't care what you say, like a rag doll.

RALPH PETERS (9/5/2013): Putin enjoys beating on Obama, and Obama will always give up the lunch money.

FOX NEWS WOMAN (9/12/2013): He seems to have really kind of, ah, this may sound extreme, but sort of castrated the United States.

(audience groans in disgust)

Oh my God!  We've had our balls cut off, and we don't have any more lunch money!  Oh no!  (audience cheering and applause)

What is everybody over at Fox so upset about?  Apparently, it was your boss's idea a year ago.

ERIC BOLLING: This quote is from about a year ago.  Mr. Ailes says, "Putin is angry.  He thinks the United States doesn't take him seriously or treat Russia as a major player. ... If I were President, I'd get in a room with him and say, 'Look at the slaughter going on in Syria.  You can stop it.  Do it and I'll see to it that you can get all the credit.'"
But that'll make America look weak!  You'll have our testicles in a jar!  We won't have any lunch money!  Doesn't that cost us?
ERIC BOLLING (quoting Roger Ailes): "Everybody needs dignity.  And what does it cost?  You get what you want, and you give up nothing."
Exactly!!  Ailes knows what he's talking about.  And if anybody knows how to profitably negotiate with egomaniacal sociopaths....

(wild audience cheering and applause)

it's Roger Ailes!  I'll tell ya, however... I'll give you that.  That was a pretty low one right there.  You know, I'm just getting back, I'm still disoriented.  I dunno.  I don't know what I'm doing.  Sure, put the pictures up, I don't give a shit.  (audience laughter)

Why so serious?

I'll tell ya, however it came about, it seems Vladimir Putin's saved the day here a little bit.  As long as he doesn't arrogantly and publicly shove that in our faces, I think this fragile new arrangement could work.

BRIANNA KEILAR (9/12/2013): This morning, Russian president Vladimir Putin is criticizing U.S. policy in an op-ed in The New York Times, saying U.S. military action in Syria would hurt civilians and spread conflict.
First of all, New York Times?  That's how you reach out to Americans?  You're not familiar with BuzzFeed?

(audience laughter and applause)

Or, maybe, ah, I don't know, Duck Dynasty, maybe?  A little Duck Dynasty?

There you go, right there.

Second of all, why are you shitting on us in The New York Times just moments after we saluted your statesmanship?  You had to say one more thing!  You're like the Larry David of international diplomacy!

But look, reasonable people can disagree on Syria.  Vladimir Putin is entitled to his opinion on our political strategy.

BRIANNA KEILAR (9/12/2013): But now Putin is taking aim at Obama's claims that America is an exceptional nation.
Oh no you did not!  What part of Butter Elvis don't you understand?


BRIANNA KEILAR (9/12/2013): ... stating, "It is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional, whatever the motivation. ... We are all different, but when we ask for the Lord's blessings, we must not forget that God created us equal."
What the fuck is that??  When did Vladimir Putin start watching Oprah?  What the hell??

And by the way... Vladimir, I don't think you're the best guy to play the equality card.

(in Russian accent)  "We are all together beautiful colors in a rainbow.  As long as you don't wave that rainbow as a flag.  Ooooh, uuuuu, uuuugh."

(wild audience cheering and applause)

Video below the fold.

Aasif Mandvi then looked at how Monsanto is suing regular farmers for patent infringement.
Meanwhile, Stephen also talked about Putin's op-ed.
He then had another Better Know a District segment, this time for WA-07 and Rep. Jim McDermott (D).
Stephen talked with former FBI and CIA administrator Philip Mudd, and Jon talked with Billy Crystal, which went long.  Here's the unedited interview in three parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Originally posted to BruinKid on Fri Sep 13, 2013 at 06:30 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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