Last night, Stephen Colbert mocked Fox News's Dr. Keith Ablow when he attempted to psychoanalyze Obama during the government shutdown.
Nation, I'm back from my vacation. I had a great time. I spent it screaming obscenities at Park Rangers. And of course, the big story while I was gone is the end of the government shutdown. (audience cheering) Now, Congress can get back to the important work of government gridlock. The shutdown cost the economy $24 billion dollars, and caused China to lower our credit rating to A-. Or as Chinese parents call it, an F. (audience laughter)
This whole crisis was so dramatic, it led some to ask, is the United States a failed state? That is a headline from... Zimbabwe. (audience laughter)
That's like Ted Cruz asking, "Have you really thought your strategy through?" Speaking of which, Mr. Ted Cruz knows which side won.
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX (9/16/2013): We saw the House of Representatives take a courageous stand listening to the American people that everyone in official Washington, just weeks earlier, said would never happen. That was a remarkable victory.
Yes, this shutdown was a remarkable victory. And as with all victories, we gotta figure who to blame. Well, Fox News resident psychiatrist and Freudian phallic symbol Dr. Keith Ablow knows exactly who caused this victorious train wreck. Jim?
DR. KEITH ABLOW (10/16/2013): And the words hostage taking, being held for ransom. He said that the Republicans are threatening to blow the whole thing up. There's a real victim mentality here. And it really explains the President's whole mentality and many of his policies. ... I think the President going back to when his dad abandoned him (shocked audience reaction), when his mother left him with his grandparents ... that all of those things led him to feel victimized, hurt, and injured. And he has extended it to this country.
Yes, Obama's refusal to negotiate with Congress was just him getting back at his parents. I mean, we've seen this sad story too many times — African-American males without role models go on to become President and give everyone health care. (audience laughter and applause)
Sad, so sad. That's a brilliant long-distance diagnosis by Dr. Ablow, but one must ask, how was he able to yank such an insightful diagnosis so smoothly from his ass? (audience laughter) I mean, I for one have never met Keith Ablow, but as an honorary Doctor of Fine Arts, I'm willing to stake my professional reputation that he is stuck in an anal-retentive stage caused by his parents shaming him during potty time. So it's safe to assume that Dr. Ablow continues to wear a diaper and as we speak, is using his own excrement to write out his ideas for tomorrow's show. (wild audience cheering and applause)
I mean, that much is clear. The point is, victory, let's just stop talking about it.
Video below the fold.
Stephen then had a
Tip/Wag segment on New Jersey legalizing gay marriage.
Meanwhile, Jon focused on the
numerous problems with the
HealthCare.gov website, and talked to
John Oliver, who tried to sign up but instead got sucked into the computer. Oops.
Jon then also looked at Senator-elect
Cory Booker officiating one of New Jersey's first gay marriages.
Stephen talked with the band
The Reflektors, who performed "
Normal Person" and "
Afterlife". Jon talked with
Alan Greenspan, which of course went long. Here's the unedited interview in two parts.
Part 1
Part 2