Last night, Stephen Colbert laid into Fox News as only Stephen can do for trying to justify why women should pay more for health care in their attempts to attack Obamacare.
Nation, the big news continue to be the slow-motion train wreck that is the roll-out of the President's signature legislation, the Affordable Care Act, or as most people call it, Barackacare. Everyone's getting screwed by the website, but the true victim of this health care disaster are America's most vulnerable — the men.Video below the fold.
When it comes to medical care, men always get the short end of the long end of the scope. You see, folks, up until now, health insurance in America has always struck a delicate balance. Women paid higher premiums than men, and in return, men paid less. (audience laughter) The system worked. But now, folks, all that's changing.STEVE DOOCY (8/27/2013): Obamacare will have men and women paying the same amount for health care, but since women live longer and have babies, shouldn't they pay more?(audience laughter)
DR. JANE HUGHES (9/24/2013): Under the new law, they're including essential health benefits. And those essential health benefits include maternity, pediatric dental and vision, contraceptive services, and free birth control pills — none of which a young man needs or wants.
Did you catch that? Under Obamacare, men will pay the same amount as women, and yet we still don't get to pass a cantaloupe with toenails through our genitals. (audience laughter)
Fox Business host and Madame Tussauds' wax figure of himself John Stossel reminds us why the ladies should pay more.JOHN STOSSEL (10/31/2013): You ought to be able to charge people who use the services more, more! ... Women go to the doctor much more often than men. Maybe they're smarter, or maybe they're hypochondriacs. They live longer, who knows?(angry audience reaction)
Yeah, ladies, ladies, come on. No, ladies, ladies love going to the doctor. Who knows why? Maybe they're pretending they're extras on Grey's Anatomy, I don't know. They're suckers for that stuff.
And Fox News chief urologist Dr. David Samadi gives us a real world example of the ladies' doctor addiction.8/27/2013:Yeah, that's what happens. Women get bitten by an insect, they get Lyme disease. A man gets bitten by an insect, he becomes a superhero.
DR. DAVID SAMADI: That's not a really fair system. She sees her doctor all the time. When was the last time you went to see your doctor?
BRIAN KILMEADE: Two years ago.
DR. DAVID SAMADI: Exactly. And you? Last week.
GRETCHEN CARLSON: I've had Lyme disease for the last 10 days, so....
DR. DAVID SAMADI: That's what happens. So you're basically paying for her.
It's not fair. And folks, it's no wonder the brown-haired guy who's not Steve Doocy won't go to the doctor, he hates wearing that cone.
And folks, he's not alone. The Fox doc explained the obvious reason why all men always go to the doctor less.DR. DAVID SAMADI (8/27/2013): We're using the health care system much less. You know, also, our bodies are completely different. ... We only have the prostate. Women have the breasts, they have the ovaries, they have the uterus. They get checked in every part.Yeah, men only have the prostate. Meanwhile, women are like the mines of Moria down there. You got the tube, you got the doodads, you got the Chicago Bull, you know.
(wild audience laughter)
You know, you gotta squint. You gotta kind of squint to make out what's really going on down there. It's like one of those Magic Eye posters. They say there's a little man in a boat, but I've never found it. (audience laughter)
I tell you what, fellas, I tell you what. As long as we're footing the bill for all this lady maintenance, I say we demand pap smears! (audience laughter) OK? Hey, hey! It's guy-necologist, not gal-necologist. (audience laughter) I say we make them find a place to stick that speculum. They're the doctors.