I had an ordinary, mundane, unremarkable conversation two Sundays ago after church. It was also very significant. Why, you ask? Because S and I haven't spoken two words to each other in over 18 months. Follow me below the
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Back in the winter of 2012, a personnel decision was made at our church that I vehemently disagreed with. I had a longstanding issue with the person hired; one that precipitated my leaving the first congregation I joined a decade earlier. Yeah, it was bad. No, it's not relevant to this, except for you to know that at my old congregation, it was me who chaired the search committee that hired her.
My upset wasn't over someone I disliked and mistrusted personally being hired, though. I objected to process being trampled; of a complete lack of transparency that led to a situation much like... lemme see... oh yeah. Remember when Dick Cheney headed up a Vice-Presidential nominee search committee and chose... himself? Yeah, sort of like that.
What's this got to do with the price of tea at Upton? S was Board Chair at the time, and when I and others questioned how the hiring took place, we got less than satisfactory answers. Those of you who know me likely agree I'm not good at keeping my emotions hidden and am a safe, profitable poker opponent.
"That's an understatement, all right"
Hey! I heard that!
My thoughts on the matter of a certain person's hiring were far more transparent than the process that hired her. And S never said a word to me. As in not one, be it "good morning", "f-ck you" or "hey, you just sat in my seat."
Fast forward to three weeks ago, when the person hired suddenly "left to explore new (yet oddly unstated) career opportunities." You read that the same way I do, right? Just checking I'm not letting my bias show thru :).
The DAY that we had a "goodbye and good luck" time for the dearly departed, S came over to Mr. Brillig and I (as in walked across the room directly to us) and said "Wow, your son has gotten big!" I realized immediately that wasn't what she was really saying. No, my translator said she was offering an olive branch.
My reply, and the 10 minute long conversation that followed, was acceptance of that olive branch. We didn't talk about The Former Employee, nor did we talk about the letter to the congregation that specifically made clear that process would be followed this next time. It was a good talk, and next time I see her at church I'll make the trek over and start the conversation.
We don't always get an olive branch, and while it's harder to admit, we don't always give them, either. I've got several outstanding former relationships in that place... unresolved, unfinished, and likely to stay that way forever. I wasn't about to pass up the chance to repair something broken when it was offered. Especially in church, where it seems like bad karma :).
How about you... do you ever take the branches when offered? Offer them yourself? Have any relationships you with could be repaired? Pull up a seat in the comments :).
Brillig's ObDisclaimer: The decision to publish each nomination lies with the evening's Diarist and/or Comment Formatter. My evenings at the helm, I try reeeeallllyy hard to publish everything without regard to content. I really do, even when I disagree personally with any given nomination. "TopCommentness" lies in the eyes of the nominator and of you, the reader - I leave the decision to you. I do not publish self-nominations (ie your own comments) and if I ruled the world, we'd all build community, supporting and uplifting instead of tearing our fellow Kossacks down.
From peregrine kate:I'm nominating LeftHandedMan's comment in Eclectablog's diary about Anthony Bourdain's apparent inability to find many black people in Detroit to feature for his recent show on "Parts Unknown." It's not easy to do as LHM suggests, and explain so much about a culture through the depiction of one family's lived experience. But it is possible, and so enriching when it's done right.
From emmasnacker:rubyr questions teacherken's diary title. When cactus gal chimes in, it gets hilarious.
brillig's note: comment was from before deadline last nite, but the thread continued for a long time, so I'm putting it in.
From Chrislove:In kos' diary Sigh. No, Elizabeth Warren ain't running for president, Eric K really nails the likelihood of a major political upheaval (right- or left-wing) happening in the United States in the foreseeable future, in addition to accurately explaining how any positive change usually does happen.
I'm nominating sfbob's comment in his own diary about Hawaii officially becoming the latest state to embrace the freedom to marry, which links to President Obama's statement about the victory. A Top Comment because I never get tired of reading supportive statements from President Obama.
From Yours Truly, brillig:In Laura Clawson's Washington Post columnist: Racism is a 'conventional view', gramofsam1 shows us the cool trick of how to make comments without being responsible for them!
Top Mojo for yesterday, November 11th, first comments and tip jars excluded. Thank you mik for the mojo magic! For those of you interested in How Top Mojo Works, please see his diary FAQing Top Mojo.
1) All hail the Minitruth! by Tool — 227
2) Oh FOR CUTE by War on Error — 128
3) Just going to note by boadicea — 107
4) Congratulations!!! by Free Jazz at High Noon — 102
5) It's a right wing foundation to say the least by Shockwave — 94
6) once provisionals are accepted locally by teacherken — 94
7) Beautiful Girls; great family! by poison kitchen — 92
8) Congratulations, Jesse! How beautiful! by commonmass — 87
9) Sarah Palin and Dennis Rodman by annieli — 85
10) For the love of Pete by LeftHandedMan — 84
11) poopdog, no one would think that you would have by rubyr — 84
12) Excellent work by boadicea — 82
13) Make That Go Viral! by RoIn — 81
14) Which begs the question why bipartisanship by RFK Lives — 78
15) Here is the picture... by ericlewis0 — 78
16) My sincere condolences to the Inhofe family by edwardssl — 78
17) I have no fingernails left n/t by Eyesbright — 77
18) Helped keep me sane for 35 years by BOHICA — 76
19) Lovely story. by Bill W — 75
20) Thanks for this diary. This is appalling. I am by rubyr — 75
21) That is very sad news indeed. by Radiowalla — 73
22) That can only last so long... by LordRobin — 73
23) Profound condolences by raptavio — 72
24) Mazel Tov! by Its the Supreme Court Stupid — 70
25) No so sure. Apartheid lasted for over 70 years, by Kombema — 68
26) Thanks For Sharing Your Story by TooFolkGR — 65
27) Oh, no. by allergywoman — 64
28) My good quality plan was also cancelled. by BldrJanet — 64
29) Wow, I must be really, really dense. Was the by koosah — 62
30) Say it again and again and again and again: by PsychoSavannah — 61