From the Church of Ineffable Stupidity;
Houston, We have achieved Statin Central.
High blood pressure?
Statins
Low blood pressure?
Statins
Erectile Disfunction?
Statins
Gall Bladder issues, including stones?
Statins
Sore male nipples and breast enlargement?
Statins
Testicular sensitivity?
Statins
Hemerrhoids?
Statins
Athlete's feet?
Statins
Halitosis?
Statins
Cranial auto-vacuumitis? (See generally, Michelle Bachmann)
Statins
Vaginal itch?
Statins
Pre-Menstrual-Syndrome?
Statins
Migraines?
Statins
Agoraphobia?
Statins
Melanoma?
Statins
Auto-Immune-Deficiency-Syndrome?
Statins
psoriasis?
Statins
Bipolar Disorder, with Manic-Depressive and Suicidal tendencies?
Statins
Flatulence, with spastic Diarrhea?
Statins
Anal cysts?
Statins
(This Public Service Announcement was brought to you by the AMA and your local Statin supplier. Try Statins. It can only help you out!)
If you suffer from restless leg syndrome, diarrhea, constipation, insomnia, narcolepsy, erectile dysfunction, pryoprisms, vaginal dryness, vaginal discharge, nausea, anorexia, epilpsy, hoarseness, mental instability, depression, mania, suicidal tendencies, gout, ulcers, perspiration, diaper rash, tooth decay, oral tumors, confusion, irritability, anger, ideas of shooting up a post office, toe nail loss, delusional thoughts, angry dreams, constant thirst, shaking hands, muscle contractions, knee problems, dizziness, blurred vision, dry mouth, saliva dripping from your mouth, dental sensitivity, an uncontrolable need to rob a currency exchange while armed with a sagging banana, a sudden love of baseball, or visible, frothing oral Tumors with fungus, heart failure, irreversible lung congestion, swollen scrotum, ovarian cancer, aortic aneurisms, STOP TAKING THIS MEDICATION and contact your doctor immediately.