There's been a lot of talk about sex lately. And not the fun kind of talk either, like when or with whom.
We all know how Mike Huckabee was railing against women's libidos earlier this week. (And that gave RNC PR BS...sorry, Reince Priebus...a sad.) Yes, contraception has made it possible for women to focus on the joy of sex with minimal concern for consequences such as pregnancy, and some people see that as a Bad Thing.
But it's not stopping there.
Next targets: Beyoncé and her husband Jay-Z, for this performance at the Grammys:
The New York Post (yeah, consider the source) has an op-ed columnist, Naomi Schafer Riley, who has set herself up as the arbiter as all that is proper for women. (Again, consider the source considering the Post's Page Six content.) Last week, she blasted Wendy Davis for being a "bad mother" and saying she had no place in politics for "abandoning" her children and running off to law school at Harvard. (This and attacks from Davis' opponents led Davis' grown daughters to set the record straight.)
Now, Riley's sights are set on that evil husband Shawn Carter for apparently whoring out his not-so-saintly wife:
The sophisticates will say that what we saw Sunday were just the long-established stage personas of Beyoncé and Jay Z; why should their marriage change that?
Well, for one thing, the happy couple have invited audiences to admire their adorable family, with dad even joking about his daughter’s sippy cups when he accepted an award on Sunday. So they’re suggesting to audiences that this kind of public sexual behavior is compatible with a loving modern marriage.
To which I'd quote Dick Cheney: "So?" What if Beyoncé had used her sexuality to sell luxury cars...or soft drinks...or even erectile dysfunction drugs? (Probably would have had more effect than the his-and-hers bathtubs.)
I'm not privy to what goes on in the Carter household when the doors are shut and the little one is tucked in bed. If it's like most marriages it's the time for togetherness, the time to review what happened during the day. And yes, a time for sex. In an era when moralists are decrying "the death of traditional marriage", wouldn't it be welcome to see a promotion of healthy sexuality in the context of a committed marriage? (Oh, and Riley got in a few digs at the mass wedding ceremony that was part of the performance of Macklemore's "Same Love" that had me reaching for the Kleenex.)
Riley doesn't just stop at Jay-Z and Beyoncé as being a Bad Example For The Youth Of America -- she wonders if perhaps Beyoncé is part of the problem:
It is a little bit surprising, though, coming so soon after Beyoncé contributed to the recent feminist manifesto, the Shriver Report. When she complains that “gender equality is a myth,” one wonders to what extent her consent to sell sexuality has contributed to the problem.
Beyoncé has been using her body and sexuality to enhance her music since her earliest days as part of
Destiny's Child, and on into her solo career long before she and Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter became music's Power Couple. She has a gift -- she uses it. Does that disqualify her from commenting that women are facing discrimination? Does that mean she can't recognize the fact that women are still being paid less than men for equal work (and that it's even worse for
women of color)? Yes, she's in a business that values beauty -- what about business where what's in your head should be far more important than what's on your body?
Of course, the subtext is not just Beyoncé and Jay-Z, but the entire issue of black sexuality. We've all heard the myths that black men have bigger...well, sexual implements than other races. (Speaking from limited experience, ain't necessarily so.) Wendasha Jenkins on BlogHer nailed it:
Respectfully considering Riley’s views, I find the blatant policing of Beyoncé’s body, sexuality, and marriage very problematic to say the least. And the suggestion that Jay-Z is a worthless husband because of his supposed objectification of his wife is unfounded. Let’s be real, the open expression of sexuality in the media is not a novel idea. For years female and male artists have pushed boundaries, using their music and bodies as performance spaces that shape and embody their public, and sometimes private, personas. When we begin to police how a woman should, or should not, display or use her body in public or private spaces we run the risk of perpetuating old images and stereotypes of the black female body—ie. The Jezebel.
For decades the controlling image of the Jezebel unjustly defined women of color as hypersexual and lascivious natured beings who were alluring, seductive, and insatiable. This depiction often provided the rationalization needed for the exploitation of these black and brown bodies in the media. Fear of the "Jezebel" has made it quite difficult for black women to freely use their bodies for the sexual and erotic in public and private spaces. However, performers like Beyoncé, Rihanna, and Nicki Minaj are often afforded the space, opportunity, and freedom to explore various aspects of their sexuality while holding the public gaze. Often time these women performers are controlling, in many aspects, the image they choose to portray.
Again, consider the source; if you look at Riley's history, it's not hard to miss the bias. In 2012, she was
fired from her job at the Chronicle of Higher Education after writing a piece questioning the legitimacy of Black Studies programs in colleges and universities, calling them "claptrap". Now she's hung her shingle at Rupert Murdoch's tabloid and set herself up as the Decency Police.
Humans are just a little above the lower mammals in this extent -- they have the ability to be sexual at any time, even when they're not fertile. So for humans, the sex act is about more than just the propagation of the species, but pleasure as well. And that pleasure is not limited to those with contrasting sexual plumbing either (which freaks out the "moralists" in their quest to keep people in their traditional boxes). In the context of a marriage or other committed relationship, it's a chance to relieve tension, enjoy the company of your Significant Other, and communicate beyond mere words. And even if not in a committed relationship, it's a hell of a lot of fun. (Before I met Mr. Right, I was perfectly willing to enjoy myself with Mr. Right Now.)
One of the biggest issues with the society as a whole is the desire to keep discussions of sexuality in the bedroom (and in the case of LGBT sexuality, the closet). Abstinence only education, the relative absence of advertisements for contraception when ED drug ads are on practically every sports broadcasts (which says a lot about the average male sports fan, I assume). Search YouTube and there are plenty of examples of open discussions of sexuality on TV over in Europe, such as the How Sex Works documentary series from the United Kingdom. Here, we can't even get an ad for Trojans on during the Super Bowl (trigger warning may be advisable here, especially for pootie lovers):
I'm not saying that women (and men) should be indiscriminately fucking on street corners. (Personally, there are many people, myself included, who I don't want to see nekkid in public.) I'm just saying that sexuality is a fact of life -- for both men and women, and if we were more open about discussing it, maybe we'd have fewer problems with it.
Just a thought...