This is going to be a really strange diary. I am sobbing right now because the only constant in my life for 18 years has been my beloved cat, Romeo. Whatever crap I was going through, be it work or relationship or friends or whatever, that precious, sweet little face would be there. Just wanting a Pounce treat or a scratch behind the ears. He would just freak out with joy at our flashlight on the floor games "OMG, where is that light coming from? I must catch it! It must be captured and dealt with, it's a light, OMG!"
I don't want to ramble too much - I'm an emotional wreck. You see I got this precious bunch of white poofy fur just before being dumped by the love of my life, the "One", the be all and end of all and no one could compare. Yes, 18 years of wallowing and weeping for this man that wound up marrying a woman exactly my age, my type, my eye and hair color*(naturally curly no less like me), with the same middle name even - and now my only constant and touchstone, this little fabulous furball that didn't give a crap if I didn't measure up to what a guy was looking for, is about to depart this mortal coil - and I am utterly broken by this. I am just so heartbroken I don't know what to do. I really, truly loved this little guy. He was always there, and never judged me, just wanted some Pounce and a scratch behind the ears.
When I learned the love of my life had been (I guess) happily married for 8 years, I was okay, but curiosity got the best of me. Internet searches are bad, really, really bad when trying to find out about an ex because what you may find may not be good. He married a woman my age, she looks just like me, same middle name, naturally curly hair, same eye color? What the frak? So of course I am all like, what was wrong with me? I AM HER! Dammit - from an X-files episode, "She is Me" Wow. So the loss of this very last connection to him is sending me for a loop.
I am probably going to put down my precious Romeo sometime early this week. He's stopped eating and drinking and pooping, 18 is an exceptional age I know, most of the time pooty tat's last an average of 15, so I am lucky. But wow, it just so, so hurts right now. I never really realized how much I correlated/connected this kitty to my past relationship until faced with losing him - wow, this hurts so bad . I know I need to do this because I don't want him to suffer or be in any kind of pain. I will do what's right. He is not exhibiting any signs of being in pain, he's just sleeping and not eating. No sounds of pain from him.
Now, I cannot afford to do anything heroic to keep him longer. I wish I could, but I'm not a "have", I am a paycheck to paycheck "have not." If I could hook him up to IV's and get state of the art care to keep him for a few months longer I would, but I can't. He needs to be put down with me holding him in my arms and telling him how much I love him. Okay, I'm sobbing again, I got to go now. I'll keep you posted. This is just so hard.
11:59 AM PT: UPDATE: Thank you all so much for your comforting words and stories. I am bringing him in tomorrow afternoon when why shift ends and I am going to ask a friend to drive me cause I know I will be a mess.