I stumbled across this little piece of hand wringing by WaPo's Ruth Marcus about Millenials, sex and the decline of Western civilization this morning. I have a few thoughts and, this being my place to write about my intellectual meanderings, I thought I would share them.
To read about the Duke University freshman turned adult-film star is to feel nostalgic for the bygone age of dormitory parietals that barred the opposite sex from visiting the rooms of well-brought-up young ladies.
Of course, such rules are an outmoded relic. Yet their demise exposes a truth about college students. They may no longer be minors but they remain more chrysalis than butterfly, not yet fully formed adults. No matter how smart, no matter how elite their college, their judgment is impaired — and not just when they’re drinking. They try on identities like so many discarded outfits before a big frat party.
Marcus' conclusion is what brought me to diary this.
One way to look at Belle Knox is to worry about her and ache for her parents. Another is to worry about what it means for all of us.
Her story doesn’t simply reflect a troubled young woman. It reflects a troubled culture.
I announce my identification in the title of the diary so that you may know from whence I come to this. I announce it so that you may decide whether or not I have any standing to talk about this subject. I announce it so that you, fellow Kossacks, can help me figure out my ability to weigh in.
So, without further ado ...
The Crux of the Matter
First, I think that Marcus makes some valid points about the stages of physical and emotional growth of human beings.
Yes, a college freshman is still forming her self-identity and, as a result, may not be able to fully appreciate her actions. Yes, the age of social media has changed the implications of their actions. Yes, college students "try on" identities to figure out who they are. Marcus' generation did it, my generation did it and now the Millenials are doing it.
But the larger point in all of this, one brought up by the freshman student in question, is this ...
My decision to do porn to pay for college was a private one I made, and then I was outed to my university classmates by another Duke student who had seen me on the Internet a few months ago. After promising me he would respect my privacy, he proceeded to reveal who I was to the entire Greek system, which is when all of this controversy first began. I started to be harassed. He started to be applauded.
So we have two points here:
Is sex work okay?
Is it realistic to think that a decision to do sex work, on camera and for public consumption, can be private?
Sex and Gender
Needless to say, gender still plays a huge role in how we, as a culture, view sexuality. The female is slut shamed and the male is celebrated.
This is why I highlighted that part of this young woman's statement. I take this as a given and, thus, am not reacting to it. At least I am not reacting to that in the thinking that brought me to writing this diary.
Sex, Sex, Sex
Okay, on to my reaction to this. Sex is natural. It is beautiful. It can be meaningful. It can be fun. It can be just a hook up. It can be all of these things. It can be none of them.
Sexual attitudes in the culture are changing. That is what some see as the social liberalization of the culture. Some conservatives rail against this because, well, they are reacting to change, any kind of change.
Is Ruth Marcus a social conservative who is reacting to changing sexual morés? I don't know. I don't care.
Her reaction is there in her own words. It's not my place to interpret them for her. She does a pretty good job of explaining herself.
Yes, I am personally okay with a young woman doing sex work to pay for a college degree, especially one from a university that will drastically increase her earning power.
Yes, I think that some porn, maybe even all porn, can be viewed as degrading to women. I don't know that I am allowed an opinion on this but I know plenty of women who watch porn and enjoy some pretty hardcore stuff. Some of them even like to do some of that stuff in real life.
Yes, I enjoy watching porn.
No, I don't personally think that sex work is inherently destructive to the sex worker. Hey, work is work. Not to mention that some people need an outlet and can't find it without paying for it. Who am I to judge?
[see Live Nude Girls Unite for an excellent discussion of sex work as work done by consenting adults]
[see Lovelace for an interesting look into how sex work affected the life of the Deep Throat star]
The Concept of Privacy in a Media Saturated Culture
Can the decision to "do" porn truly be private? My thought is no.
And this is where Marcus' point about emotional development rings true. I'm not sure that this young woman fully appreciates the repercussions (too harsh?) of her actions. Just because she doesn't view it as an awful thing doesn't mean that others won't.
And, this is the point here, the fact that she thinks that a decision to participate in porn can be private indicates to me that she may not be fully aware, or maybe conscious, of what it means to be an adult in our society.
So, What Am I Reacting To?
My reaction is about the concept that "Nice Girls Don't Do This". What I see as the thing to which Marcus is most appalled by is the concept that this a student at Duke University. This student has jumped through a lot of hoops to enter respectable society and is doing something that only those without other options do.
So, here is my strongest reaction, Ruth Marcus seems to be drawing a dividing line between classes. College students on the way to socially acceptable careers can't do things that women without powerful degrees do.
I don't see this being about sex and gender but about class, generational divides, and the definition of acceptable in our culture and society.
AM I WRONG HERE?
By the Way ...
I don't mean to attack Marcus here. She also wrote this piece eviscerating the blocking of Debo Adegbile's nomination because he worked for Mumia Abu-Jamal.
It's just that, on this one, we disagree.