it is a bitter sweet day for me since after her death, i lost my only sister, as well.
no, she didn't die.
she DID kill the relationship between us, though, when she submitted a fake will, probated the will without telling me, took everything that mom and dad had worked for that was meant for both their daughters.
and, no, i'm not allowing her to "get away with it".
it isn't about the money - although she has left me totally impoverished - even as she borrowed the last funds i had while claiming she couldn't pay her mortgage (and EVEN after i found out she lives on a retirement of over $65,000 per year).
but that isn't the reason i have taken this to the courts - it is about living by the principles our parents taught us - do not lie, do not steal. your word is your bond.
unfortunately, my own "word" is now shakey as i cannot meet obligations that should normally not be a problem. and, no, this isn't a diary asking for funds - it is about an important lesson we all need - i especially needed...
as the depositions from the witnesses to the "signing" of mom's will (who admitted to both my lawyer and me that they did not see my mother sign the document) are to be held at the end of april, i wait to see if these two will tell the truth or they will lie.
should they tell the truth, the caveat is done - the will is invalid and the estate will be divided equally between my sister and myself.
should they lie, then the courts will determine the validity of the will (and based of substantial additional evidence we have), the caveat will end - but at a much later date and at much greater costs - legal and personal for those who have chosen to lie and to file false documents in two states.
personally, for me, it is living this state of suspension as the process falls to it's final destination - i am living with a friend, not in my own space, living in hurt and sorrow at my sister having done this to her only living sibling (and without apparent care of the pain she has caused).
i constantly have to scramble to keep my aged horse in safe housing and pray that he does not need emergency care. i thank god for food stamps that allow me to eat (despite the very real scare when they were cut to $16/month in february due to a caseworker in training who screwed up the process - benefits were restored within three weeks but the worry and stress was almost unbearable.)
my hand is slowly gaining strength - but it has never returned to even half function since the surgery. and i exist in a state of constant sorrow until either my pony or my pup pull me from the depths.
there are times i believe that my sister has tried her best to drive me to end this earthly experiment - but she has no idea of the determination to right this injustice and my survival instincts... and i DO have a beautiful samoyed smile to be there when i need one when my pony isn't nearby. i am grateful for that smile - and accept that this is temporary.
unfortunately, it has been "temporary" since mom died in feb of 2011. i don't know where time goes - one day it is here and the next day a week or two have gone by. running through deep marsh has become the norm for me - at least, now, i have a puppy that runs with me even if my pony can't.
and, yes, sani is lame again. we were on the road to recovery and back beginning to play together with saddle when his hoof cracked and now he can't support my weight. another six months of waiting... and hoping... and praying that he recovers. his arthritis means he needs to move to gain health - bad feet mean he can't move about easily.
MY arthritis means i need to move to keep health - riding has been my salvation - neither sani nor i are getting any younger and the calendar is against us on this score.
so, every now and then, i need to just hide and try to regroup - right now, before the major push for elections begins - i've been doing just that: hiding and trying to regroup - and trying to find a way back from the abyss.
the lesson i promised?
folks: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure your parents AND you have a valid will that is to be executed by a non-relative. NOTHING is worth the rending of family - money is exactly what will cause the least expected to suddenly remember every slight, every grievance, every imagined "wrong" to justify that grab of money. NOTHING can compare to the pain and grief of realizing that "family" is irreparably torn apart and no amount of money in the world is worth that destruction.
i can't walk away - i wish i were able to do that. for many reasons, i can't and won't just "walk away". i won't see my parents so disrepected (my mom was worth more than the $500 my sister claimed in filing the closure of probate). i won't see her life and my dad's life diminished so that she could avoid paying taxes and could effectively steal the estate by not having to file an inventory. i won't accept the lies she told through her lawyer. i won't accept the validity of a will that my mother flatly refused to sign and continued to refuse until she died.
i won't accept a lie.
is it something i want to do - to pursue this to the possible jailing of my own sister for fraud? to the loss of state certification of people who filed false witness?
no, it isn't, but it is the right thing to do - the ONLY thing to do. and i am stuck with it.
please don't let this happen in your families - this is more common than anyone realizes and it is truly a tragedy waiting to happen.
wish me well - wish me strength - wish me peace.
the latter, i don't know whether it will ever be mine again.
and...
i miss my mom.