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Breaking Bad's Walter White, surrounded by money.
Breaking Bad's mega-rich meth kingpin Walter White, totally conservative.
On Monday I wrote about how liberalism has won the battle of public opinion. Among all the arguments I made, one stands above them all: If conservatives really thought they had public opinion on their side, they wouldn't spend so much time and effort trying to disenfranchise voters and making it harder to vote. If the public was with them, they'd be working to expand the franchise.

As a liberal, I want everyone to vote. Heck, provide voter registration cards when getting a gun license, I don't care! But conservatives know that the more people vote, the poorer they do. Indeed, the only reason they have a good chance of winning November's elections is because off-year turnout is lower than during presidential years. So as far as I'm concerned, case closed. If conservatives want to argue that the American people are behind them, that needs to be accompanied by a genuine effort to expand voter access.

Still, conservatives were OUTRAGED by the notion that they've been ditched by the American people. And none responded more hilariously than Breitbart's John Nolte's "11 reasons the Left has not won the culture wars."

Head below the fold so we can take on the hilarious notion in exquisite detail. I promise, it'll be fun!

1. While judges are legalizing gay marriage, Christianity is making a major comeback in the free market of entertainment.  
Judges are doing what they're doing because of the United States Constitution, that thing conservatives carry around in their pockets to wave whenever convenient. But here's the thing: In the last two years alone, gay marriage has been legalized in Illinois, Minnesota, Delaware, Rhode Island, Hawaii, Maryland and Washington via the legislature, not the courts. And when voters got to weigh in, they upheld those votes in Minnesota, Maryland and Washington, while overturning their previous referendum vote in Maine, legalizing it there as well.

Efforts to move a ban forward at the legislature just failed in Indiana—where Republicans have huge majorities—and the Nevada Republican Party just abandoned the issue altogether. And of course, there's the public opinion. Anyone who looks at the numbers showing opposition to same-sex marriage in the mid-30s and responds with "judges are ramming it down our throats!" is deluded.

And the part about "Christianity making a major comeback in the free market of entertainment"? Nolte isn't talking about Noah, which he considers Satanic (no joke!). He's talking about God's Not Dead. One movie, grossing a measly $41 million. For a movie made that cheaply, that's pretty good! But when compared to the mass movie market, it's a blip. The anti-neocon, pro-civil liberties Captain America, by comparison, is currently at around half a billion at the box office.

2. While pot is being legalized in a few states, the pro-abortion movement is on its heels in a majority of states and in opinion polls.  
Public opinion is shifting as quickly on marijuana as it has on gay marriage. What exactly does that have to do with abortion? I guess it's a way to minimize the impact of that success. But even on abortion, conservative gains have come from legislatures they captured in the 2010 wave, and not from mass public demand.

Indeed, while polls show support for some restrictions on choice, the conservative position of "always illegal" has little support. CNN has it at 20 percent, Quinnipiac at 12 percent (with "illegal in most cases" at 25 percent), CBS at 21 percent. And so forth. And worse for conservatives—the strongest supporters of abortion rights in the 2012 exit polling came from Latinos, which also happen to be the largest growing demographic in the country.

3. While television shows become more sex-driven, elsewhere on television the masculine male is making a comeback on wildly popular reality shows that celebrate the working class and their traditional values.  
That's a link to National Geographic Channel, you know, the one that does nature shows and advocates for protecting the environment and talks about science and evolution. Huh.

But let's take a more holistic look and take a gander at the 100 most popular TV shows of fall 2013—how many on there would be characterized as "conservative"? I count zero, but admittedly, I don't know every show on that list. But I do know that Duck Dynasty doesn't crack the top 100. [Edit: As noted in comments, that list is just broadcast and excludes cable. If cable was included Duck Dynasty would probably crack the top 20.]

4. While Colbert wins David Letterman's spot, Jimmy Fallon figured out he had to remain apolitical if he wanted to remain number one.
This Jimmy Fallon? Very apolitical:

The same Fallon that did this, according to a conservative media critic site?

The Obamas have had few more obsequious media allies than NBC’s Jimmy Fallon. Now that he’s taking over the hallowed ground of “The Tonight Show,” Fallon’s proven ability to spread his reach into viral videos on YouTube promises to become even more politically potent.

Fallon’s Obama-friendly sketches and interviews have become immediate “news” grist for the Comcast corps at NBC and MSNBC. The same sensation happens when Fallon is ripping into a Republican.

Truth is, Republicans are hilarious, and making fun of them sells.
5. While the rise of the weak, neurotic, man-child metrosexual-nerd dominates one forgettable movie after another, a new Golden Age in television has brought us an assembly line of flawed but masculine anti-heroes -- "real men" protagonists like Jack Bauer, Don Draper, Walter White, Raylan Givens, Tony Soprano, the cast of The Walking Dead, Boardwalk Empire, and even House of Cards.
Let's see: Jack Bauer, who has been off the air for five years, Don Draper is a self-deceiving womanizer (so okay, conservative), Walter White is a meth manufacturer murderer who had to turn to crime because he couldn't get health insurance to treat his cancer. Is being a meth kingpin now "conservative"? How about a mafia don? Kevin Spacey in House of Cards kills a dog with his bare hands in the opening scene, which I guess is conservative. But he's a Democrat. So maybe not. And I concede, Shane Walsh in the Walking Dead is very conservative, what with sleeping with his best friend's wife and then feeding another human being to the zombies in order to save his skin. And that's just Season 1 2!

But let's step back for a moment and just ponder the broader implications of Nolte's claim: Being a "real man" is conservative. Goes to show, they are still neanderthals at heart.

By the way, the top sitcom on TV? Big Bang Theory. Runner up? Modern Family. Probably not a single conservative "real man" among them both. And normal Americans don't have a problem with it.

6. While Miley twerks and MTV baby-mamas, unions and the union mentality are dying.
Um, what does one have to do with the other, other than nothing? And I thought we were talking about the culture wars. I think we can grant conservatives the union thing, in the "economic wars" portion of this contest.
7. While the left-wing mainstream media figures out how to survive, conservative media is on the upswing.
Of the top 100 sites, I count three "conservative" ones. Of cable networks, Fox is at #6, with lots of "left-wing mainstream media" rounding out the rest of the top 20. It's amazing the bubble they've built for themselves, one that tells them that conservative media is taking over, when the reality is so easy to discern.
8. While the gaystapo makes war against those who don't wish to celebrate the gay-married,  the demand for charter schools and school choice grows.  
Again, what does one have to do with the other? But it's funny, in a piece supposedly focused on proving that conservatives haven't lost the culture war, Nolte sure is conceding all the places that conservatives have lost the culture war.

But funny as always, that link to school choice? It's a CATO piece on how Republicans were pushing charter schools in the 2011 Virginia governor's race and the New Jersey special Senate election. And guess what happened? Republicans lost both races. So, John? You might want to try a different link.

9. While we're paying for Sandra Fluke's right to birth control, we're prevailing on our Second Amendment civil rights in ways unimagined just ten years ago.
So conceding they lost the war on contraceptives? Good for Nolte! Of course, that war was won 40 years ago. Not sure why conservatives want to re-litigate something used by 95 percent of Americans. I guess they really love the fringe!

But on guns, public opinion is firmly on the side of stricter gun laws. Indeed, the polling on background checks is off the charts. So no, that's not a culture war victory for conservatives, it's an institution governing one. The NRA is powerful, and they really do own the fruits of their victories.

A young boy is comforted outside Sandy Hook Elementary School after a shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, December 14, 2012. A shooter opened fire at the elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut, on Friday, killing several people including children, the Ha
10. While our federal government is constructing Orwellian First Amendment Zones, the Supreme Court is slowly suffocating the campaign finance laws that gave our government, union and media overseers a near-monopoly on political speech.
Campaign finance laws are now a culture war issue? And even if we grant that, fact is that 80 percent of the public opposed the Supreme Court's Citizen's United decision.

Funny how for Nolte, the courts moving the right way on marriage equality, in sync with public opinion, is a bad thing. But the court "suffocating" campaign finance laws contrary to the vast majority of the American people is totally awesome.

Conservatives have lost on the issue. The only thing left is for the Supreme Court to look like America today, and not the America of Ronald Reagan's years.

11. Occupy is dead. The Tea Party lives.
The tea party is seen favorably by less than 30 percent of the American people. The longer it lives, the longer it will continue gifting us Senate seats like it did in Indiana, Missouri, Delaware, Colorado, Connecticut and Nevada.

Meanwhile, talk of income inequality and economic populism—the raison d'être of the Occupy movement—is only gaining steam. Heck, even REPUBLICANS have are using such language.

So that's 11, but Nolte doesn't know how to count, so he continues:

Moreover, we live in a culture that will never again (or at least in the foreseeable future) spit on the American Serviceman or get weak-kneed on crime.
Weak-kneed on crime?
Holder and Republicans Unite to Soften Sentencing Laws
And:
Shrinking Majority of Americans Support Death Penalty
And let's not forget decriminalization of marijuana, given that "Just Say No" has been a cornerstone of conservative criminal policy for generations.

Oh well.

As for spitting on American Servicemen, that's true! Unless they are gay. Then it's conservative-approved.

So let's recap their culture war "victories": 1) there are asshole men portrayed on TV, which is totally conservative, especially the ones that murder people and engage in criminal activities, but 2) crime is bad and conservatives are tough on it.

3) Judges are horrible for ramming popular gay marriage down our throat, but 4) judges are awesome for "drowning" popular campaign finance reform laws.

5) Nevermind that stuff on crime, because more guns are awesome!, and 6) Sarah Palin had that show so we win.

Good for you, conservatives! You win! And you are all so popular and victorious that you should have no problem expanding the voting franchise, right? Let's do a national vote-by-mail, why don't we? Or have an expanded three-week voting period, so that no one has to worry about missing work on a Tuesday.

Let's make sure everyone can vote, so how about universal voter registration? Maybe we do an Australia and make voting mandatory? Or if you want to be less heavy handed, we make Election Day a national holiday. Sound good? You are so popular, that having so many people vote would guarantee conservative majorities forever!

Right?

Originally posted to kos on Wed Apr 16, 2014 at 10:58 AM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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