It's nice how we have one day where we're like okay let's not fuck Earth up today guys. Tomorrow's cool. Not today. Today's Earth Day.
In the future, history text books will have an entire chapter dedicated to mankind's most infamous picture: the first selfie taken on Mars.
Having a smartphone and wearing a wristwatch is like driving a car with a horse in the back seat.
Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg are engaged! For her wedding shower I'm going to get her an outbreak of the measles.
Bush giggles as he stares at his painting of Cheney kissing Saddam Hussein