"I rise today in opposition to this bill, because I believe ultimately this museum that will be built on the National Mall, on federal land, will enshrine the radical feminist movement that stands against the pro-life movement, the pro-family movement, and pro-traditional marriage movement," [Rep. Michele Bachmann] said on the House floor Wednesday ahead of a vote on the bill.Oh yeah, that's the stuff. That's why we're gonna miss Michele Bachmann when she's gone. She can take any topic, no matter how banal or uncontroversial, and infuse it with an element of paranoia and conspiracy that you or I or the postman would never have dreamed of. She shares this rare ability with only 200 or so other equally insane legislators, which when you think about it is an uncanny coincidence. Wait, though, we haven't even gotten to the best part:
"As it's currently written," she added, "the legislation lacks the necessary safeguards to ensure the proposed museum will not become an ideological shrine to abortion that will eventually receive federal funding and a prominent spot on the National Mall."Now see there? She's right, of course. You may have never fully understood that the only accomplishment American women have ever made was getting abortions, but Michele Bachmann does, and Michele Bachmann doesn't want to have a museum honoring the accomplishments of women in history if it's just going to be an excuse for Planned Parenthood to run an all-abortion mall in the basement or if they're just going to turn the thing into one tall Abortion Minaret calling the faithful to come celebrate abortions every few hours, or whatever the hell the Michele Bachmanns of the world think will happen if the Michele Bachmanns of the world aren't constantly on guard for such things.
I'm really not sure the 199-ish other batshit insane conspiracy theorists of the House will be able to fill her shoes. If we ever get that museum, I hope there's a diorama featuring Michele Bachmann giving her famous this-building-will-be-an-ideological-shrine-to-abortion speech. You press a button, you hear Michele Bachmann railing against feminism and gay people and abortion. The kids would be lining up for that one.