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Well we have finished the freedom lobster and liberty caviar but the evil management is refusing us room service, not even a bottle of Veuve-Clicquot has been been forthcoming.

Here we are standing up for Ted Bundy's grazing rights at the very heart of evil socialism. Look I just find being out on a ranch a touch uncomfortable and as an American I have the right to protest just where I feel like protesting. Don't you tread on me!

Don't be fooled as a real patriot I am not taking this luxury for granted, I have in fact issued a complaint that the towels were too warm. I'm an American, not some pampered Parisian communist, I want my towels chilled!

To extend this protest against government oppression everywhere we are asking for a small token; our objective is $100,000 and with that we might even be able to annexe the Presidential suite in the name of Freedom.

Be generous if you think it's easy resisting all this luxury that they insist is available to every guest then you obviously haven't been in the restaurant. It's hell in here, we will be strong and raise the flag high over all this communist decadence.


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