After looking high and low for the 30 million lost patriots I finally resorted to the obvious, I prayed, and lo and behold I found them.
St Peter "Yes, they all came through the gates a few days ago, we tried to explain to them that their hands were indeed cold, but would they listen?"
"St Peter where are they now" I asked.
"Barricaded in an encampment just outside the shining city on a hill" he said.
"But, but why" said I.
"Apparently after Jesus welcomed them all, then some of them got quite upset and called him a socialist and worse than Hitler" said Peter.
"What did Jesus do?"
"Shrugged and said it takes all sorts, not that their weapons can do any harm here anyway."
I then confided in Peter "You are going to get a quite a few more like that over the coming years."
"We are thinking of installing an open carry gate" explained Peter "Sadly Satan said she didn't want anything to do with that, so sadly we are stuck with them really."
"That sucks"
"I'm afraid so; but what can you do since our motto is forgiveness, dammit" replied Peter.
Note: The 30 million were totally fictive so no Patriots were hurt in this diary. Oh and Satan in an interview later said "no bloody way am I having them cluttering up the place and whining continually that punishment is socialism since it is equal for all."