I am relatively new to Daily Kos. And, I am not usually very public about what is happening in my life. Recently, a very good friend of mine passed due to complications from cancer. She was one of those rare individuals who profoundly affects everyone around her.
She was an exceptional friend who always knew just when to call just to call. She knew just when to tell me to come over for a backyard barbeque. She knew just when to come by with an ear to listen and some sage advice on how to proceed. And, most importantly, she knew just how to cheer me up when I needed it the most.
While I only knew her for 14 years, those were amazing 14 years because she was here. And, now, she is gone.
I suppose the main purpose of this diary is to share what an incredible human being my friend was and to find a little closure. I still don't know why I feel the need to publish this, but I do, so . . .
She was one of the first friends I made after I graduated from college. I was working the night shift at a residential facility and she was a vendor who worked there upon occasion. She kept popping her head in the door to check on the staff and see if we needed anything -- still not sure why she kept bugging us, but I told her she was making my coffee nervous. She stopped poking her head into the door for about half an hour. When she did poke her head back in, she asked, "How's your coffee?" I knew right then she was someone I wanted in my life.
We saw each other through playing the dating game and through finding our respective formers and through dating again. We kept in touch, not close, but we knew all we had to do was call. And, we did. Sometimes, we'd get together just to sit and chat and forget about whatever Life had thrown at us. Sometimes, we'd work on projects. Always, we would eat and drink and just be ourselves.
Four years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. That first year was the roughest with in-patient treatments and home recovery and then in-patient treatments and then home recovery and then out-patient maintenance treatments. I did not spend much time with her, letting her girlfriend handle the daily stuff and just checking in every so often.
The remission lasted for three more years. We remained relatively close, getting together when she felt up to it. We'd get together for parties and for quiet social gatherings, but less so for projects.
This winter, the cancer returned. In a bit of serendipity, my hours at work were cut to nothing, so I had a bit of time on my hands. Between searching for jobs and taking care of my own little household, I'd spend about 3 days a week in the hospital with her. We'd watch really bad movies or listen to really good music and just be ourselves. This was also the first and only time I won a game of chess against her. She blamed chemo-head, but she never asked for a rematch.
We watched the Super Bowl together over fried chicken and biscuits; she had her appetite that day! I was worried that I hadn't gotten enough food. But, she ate her fill long before the chicken was gone. Which was a good thing. Can't say as I remember much about this year's Super Bowl, only that we were happy to just be ourselves, laughing and joking and remembering life before cancer.
We talked a lot without saying too much. That was kind of our style. Because when we did say something, it didn't need to be repeated or examined or questioned. It was exactly what we said.
She had this knack for collecting eclectic folks around her. Her group of friends is vast and diverse. Every one of her gatherings was full of life and love and happiness. Everyone enjoying themselves and getting along with everyone else. Great gatherings. I'm going to miss those because where else would you have straight-laced financial types rubbing elbows with her old friends from the 'hood?
She was the ringmaster and everyone else was either a willing participant or an audience member watching her work her magic. And, she was magical.
So, salut, ma chère, bien-aimée amie. You were an incredible person and an amazing friend. Thank you for just being you. Thank you for your friendship.