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Last night, Bill Maher had a New Rule about the current conflict in Iraq, boiling it down to revenge.

World War I is the only war I can think of where I don't know why it was fought.  I don't always agree with wars being fought, but if they are, I can immediately tell you why.

Civil War: end slavery.

Revolutionary War: break away from Britain.

Vietnam: stop Communism from spreading.

Iraq War: make money for Halliburton.  (audience laughter and applause)

The Peloponnesian War: ... (looks at audience) I thought you knew.  (audience laughter)

But World War I?  You got me.  The soldiers' helmets had a point.  But not so much the war.  I mean, no one can say exactly why it happened.

....

Point being, we don't know why World War I started, but we do know exactly what started World War II — World War I.  Yes, the Treaty of Versailles humiliated Germany, which lost everything but Oktoberfest, virtually assuring that they would come back for revenge — just like the Sunnis are doing now in Iraq.  Revenge.  It's kinda like workplace sex or eating at Wendy's — it feels good at the time, but soon enough, you will regret it.

Video and full transcript below the fold.


And finally, New Rule, and this goes out especially to Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki — who's a big fan, by the way, never misses the show, loves New Rules (audience laughter) — this one's for you, Al.  When you don't give people a seat at the table, they tend to want to blow up the table.

Now tomorrow, June 28th, marks 100 years since the assassination that started World War I, when an odd-looking man in a strange looking car was fatally wounded.  Because it was made by GM.  (audience laughter)  And after that, all the shit in the Balkans hit all the fans in the world, and a tribal feud became a worldwide death match, like a bumfight turning into Game of Thrones.

World War I is the only war I can think of where I don't know why it was fought.  I don't always agree with wars being fought, but if they are, I can immediately tell you why.

Civil War: end slavery.

Revolutionary War: break away from Britain.

Vietnam: stop Communism from spreading.

Iraq War: make money for Halliburton.  (audience laughter and applause)

The Peloponnesian War: ... (looks at audience) I thought you knew.  (audience laughter)

But World War I?  You got me.  The soldiers' helmets had a point.

But not so much the war.  I mean, no one can say exactly why it happened.  I just happened, like when there were suddenly all those movies with Gerard Butler.  (audience laughter)

Wars should be like pitch meetings for a movie.  You should be able to explain it in one sentence.

Titanic: Teenagers have sex and tip over a boat.  (audience laughter)

Jurassic Park: Resurrecting dinosaurs turns out to be a shitty idea.  (audience laughter)

Wizard of Oz: Nice girl from Kansas drops acid.  (audience laughter)

You know, one sentence.

Spider-Man 3: Same shit as last time!  (audience cheering and applause)

Point being, we don't know why World War I started, but we do know exactly what started World War II — World War I.  Yes, the Treaty of Versailles humiliated Germany, which lost everything but Oktoberfest, virtually assuring that they would come back for revenge — just like the Sunnis are doing now in Iraq.  Revenge.  It's kinda like workplace sex or eating at Wendy's — it feels good at the time, but soon enough, you will regret it.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Sat Jun 28, 2014 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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