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Just another family-values conservative.
Jordan D. Haskins is the lone Republican candidate running for Michigan's House of Representatives 95th District seat in 2014. An ex-con, he has, shall we say, a checkered past—and a very unusual rap sheet. Breaking and entering, larceny, trespassing charges—ho-hum, right?

It gets weirder. Apparently, Haskins was into a fetish he "learned about on the internet" called "cranking" that fueled his illegal escapades.

Haskins admitted to police that, on both occasions, he broke into the yard where vehicles were parked, incident reports from the Saginaw County Sheriff's Department show. He said he pulled spark plug wires on sheriff, mosquito control and other vehicles parked there.

"Jordan would remove the spark plug wires and sit in the car and masturbate while the motor was sparking and making noises," the police report states.

Wow. This is no run-of-the-mill foot fetish. Haskins broke into police cars and county vehicles—hotwired them—and pleasured himself. How ... unique.

But don't worry, guys. Haskins explains his behavior by saying he was just acting "young and stupid." Because now his parole is almost done and he's a staunch family-values conservative.

"I want to be the Republican, the conservative candidate that says, you know, conservatism is for you. Because conservatism, real conservatism, true red-blooded American conservatism is about grit, hard work, loyalty and traditional values. Your family values. The three values that make up my stool of conservatism are faith, family and freedom. And I believe that many of the citizens of Saginaw share those same values."
The Republican Party sure takes all kinds.
"You may not respect my policies, you may not respect my ideas, but you at least have to respect me as a person," Haskins said.
Do we, though? Do we?

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