From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
They'll be Brief
Late late late late late, that's me. Right on cue, I missed the Webby Award speeches this year. But I love 'em because they only get five words to say what they need to say (I think the orchestra starts playing 'em off after word three). Here are some of the best of 2014 for my C&J time capsule:
"Activism, meet Internet. Go crazy!"
---Change.org
"Once was lost, now Found."
---National Geographic
"Thanks! We can't count."
---Mario Batali LLC
"Artists should get real pay!"
---Vimeo
"Seriously. Please pay the artists."
---Vimeo, after winning a second award
"Math will set you free."
---PBS Digital Kids
"Dear Congress: protect Internet freedom."
---The Internet Association
"Internet vs. FCC. Let's win!"
---Women Make Movies
"Lobsters pee from their faces."
---The Week/Mental Floss
Eat yer heart out, twitter.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, July 28, 2014
Note: Here's today's Helpful Hint from Heloise. To reduce your risk of becoming a tea party activist, think with your brain. Hugs!
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4 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the midterm elections:
99
Days 'til the
Indiana State Fair:
4
Amount Americans will get refunded this year under the ACA's rule that insurers must spend at least 80% of premium dollars on medical care:
$330 million
(Source: DHS)
Percent of Germans and French, respectively, who view America favorably:
47%, 78%
(Source: Pew Research)
Amount paid for a
16-year-old unmade bed, which the owner turned into art:
4.3 million
Bill in Portland Maine Charm School dropout rate:
100%
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NEW! The Return of Monday Brain Droppings by George Carlin
My family and I are doing our bit for the environment. We've volunteered to have 60 metric tons of human waste stored in our home.
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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
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When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Now with bonus baby
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CHEERS to the new High Times. The newspaper of record has gone on the record, and they would very much appreciate it if the gods would reach into their bag of common sense and let us 21+'ers light up a doobie:
The Times used this graphic
with their op-ed piece. Groovy.
The social costs of the marijuana laws are vast. There were 658,000 arrests for marijuana possession in 2012, according to F.B.I. figures, compared with 256,000 for cocaine, heroin and their derivatives. Even worse, the result is racist, falling disproportionately on young black men, ruining their lives and creating new generations of career criminals.
There is honest debate among scientists about the health effects of marijuana, but we believe that the evidence is overwhelming that addiction and dependence are relatively minor problems, especially compared with alcohol and tobacco. Moderate use of marijuana does not appear to pose a risk for otherwise healthy adults. Claims that marijuana is a gateway to more dangerous drugs are as fanciful as the “Reefer Madness” images of murder, rape and suicide.
And you know what else? Marijuana doesn’t kill people…but the underground distribution method sure does. So bring it out of the shadows, tax it, regulate it, let people hang out a shingle, and make it a boring old part of life. Then the police can focus on more important things…[two, three, four]…like
doughnuts ha ha ha!!!
JEERS to rookie mistakes. Newbie in Congress named Rep. Curt Clawson (R-FL). Goes into a committee hearing room Thursday and listens as two American government officials are introduced to testify. Then…this:
Looking at him I'd say
he's from South Drunkistan.
"I’m familiar with your country; I love your country,” the Republican lawmaker said, apparently unaware of the fact that they’re from the same country. “Anything I can do to make the relationship with India better, I’m willing and enthusiastic about doing so.” The Foreign Policy report added, “Apparently confused by their Indian surnames and skin color, Clawson also asked if ‘their’ government could loosen restrictions on U.S. capital investments in India.”
In fairness, that happens to me, too. Sometimes I look at a Republican and make an accidental assumption of competence.
CHEERS to weird science. Need proof that Charlie Crist in the Florida governor's office has been---and will be again---better than Rick Scott? Here's some on the topic of climate change. Governor Scott's position:
They love questions.
"I'm not a scientist."
And Governor
Crist's position:
"I'm not a scientist either but I can use my brain and I can talk to one."
Remember that for the debates, Chahlie.
CHEERS to feeling your pain. On July 28, 1865, the American Dental Association proposed its first code of ethics, thus paving the way for hilarious moments like this:
Today we'll celebrate the occasion by jabbing a sharp metal pick into the mouths of random people on the street. And whaddya know, we'll just happen to have clove oil for sale at five bucks a drop. Vive le capitalism.
JEERS to vertebraeking news. If you're planning to do anything that might throw your back out of whack this week and hoping to fend off the ensuing yowchie-owchies with you trusty bottle of Tylenol, I hate to break it to ya, but results of a trial conclude acetaminophen is no better than a placebo for treating back pain. On the bright side, a separate trial concluded that acetaminophen is excellent for treating headaches caused by learning that acetaminophen is terrible for treating back pain.
CHEERS to Bubba's foresight. Addressing a veterans convention in New Orleans on July 28, 1996, Bill Clinton called on Congress to pass expanded measures against acts of terror in the United States. It was a more innocent time back then, and today the Adult Children Moving Back in with their Parents Act seems rather quaint.
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C&J Flashback: The 2004 Democratic Convention---July 28
Senator Obama
wows the crowd..
Speakers include:
Elizabeth Edwards
Sen. John Edwards
Sen. Bob Graham
Rep. Dennis Kucinich
Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico
Rev. Al Sharpton
CHEERS to Howard Dean. At convention last night, a sentimental swan song from the man who made it okay to get mad as hell, both at Bush and the self-defeating in our own party: "Never again will we ever be ashamed to call ourselves Democrats. Never, never, never." The crowd reaction was clear: You stick around now, y'hear?
CHEERS to skinny kids with funny names. Barack Obama starts his convention speech softly, then builds to stunning where-did-that-come-from finale. "We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don't like federal agents poking around in our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and yes, we've got some gay friends in the Red States." That sound you hear is the GOP soiling their britches. [7/28/14 Update: Heh. For good reason.]
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And just one more...
CHEERS to the hockeymom-turned-hepcat. My, how time flies when you're griftin' your way to irrelevance. Last Saturday marked the first half-decade since Sarah Palin officially stopped governin' in Alaska, having resigned after half a term because "only dead fish go with the flow" (a lie, but whatever). After giving her farewell speech, she padded off to pursue her new passion of putting money before public service, but not before beat poet William Shatner put her tweets into the proper context on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien:
That was truly a crazy and surreal moment in time. Conan O'Brien actually hosted the Tonight Show???
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Bill in Portland Maine wanted a picture with me. It was at a time when he was publicly saying, 'Swoosh gong! Swoosh gong!' and I'm like, 'You know, I can't do it.'"
---Eric Stonestreet
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