I am a single dad.
This is a statement of fact. This is not an embracing of a life without women nor a condemnation of the woman who left me. This is simply the state I am in, which is that of a single male human being with children.
So, to those folks who are "MRA" (Men's Rights Association) types, I'd like to please ask you to stop speaking for me.
I can do it myself, and I really don't like the bullshit that you put out there.
(Ranting on the flip.)
Let's examine three of the tiny grains of truth sugar sprinkled across the festering turd that is the philosophy.
1. Men have fewer options for help than women as single parents.
This is true. When CPS became involved with my family due to homelessness, I was not even considered for placement. The first thoughts of the establishment were "What shelter can we get Mom, and the kids into?" with the assumption that I'd be fine on the street.
HOWEVER, this is not a reflection of sexism. This is a reflection of the sad state of safety for economically disadvantaged women in our society. A man on the street is at great risk for crime, but homeless women, DAMN... The first thought SHOULD be on taking care of those most at risk.
Admittedly, the choice was wrong, IN MY CASE. My children ended up in foster care due to my ex not taking care of them in the shelter. Ideally, we should have nobody who is considered acceptable to put on the street, but unfortunately homeless services are actively criminalized nowadays.
Until we deal with the very real discrimination against the homeless, PERIOD, the fact that we take care of those most at risk first should be applauded, not vilified.
2. Single dads are stereotyped as sex abusers.
4% of kids have a single dad. 9.2% of kids are sexually abused, and the perpetrators are OVERWHELMINGLY male. It does get worse with kids who are in single parent families, according to the statistics.
So, when you add up the risk factors, yes, the odds are bad for kids with single dads. It isn't right that those of us who are doing the right thing are lumped in and need to watch our back with regards to suspicion. However, there's NO need to take one justified point and extrapolate that to all men and all relationships.
3. Women won't date single dads.
I'm going to step outside for a second to really take stock of this one.
Oh, no, I won't because I'm busy with the kids.
And that's the real thing here. Men who are busy with kids date probably as much as single moms with kids. As in, if you're doing the right thing, you don't have time.
Yeah, here's the thing MRA guys. I don't have time to agonize over whether or not I'm getting laid. Yeah, it'd be nice, but here's the thing, I'm responsible. I became responsible when I had kids. So much of your propaganda jumps into "unfairness" about the dating world that you miss the fact that it's a lifestyle that parents aren't really a part of.
I don't have time. I grab the seconds of pleasure that I can online, or with a conversation. But I have kids. I'm a freaking parent, and if I am out trying to play your little "game" games, I am not doing my job.
So, maybe you're right on one point. One.
You think that justifies years of slavery, inequality, hatred, violence, and general misery inflicted on other human beings? As you're so fond of telling anybody who doesn't look exactly like you, "Suck it Up."
You don't speak for me. I can do it for myself. I love my kids, I love my friends, and I don't have time to rail about the unfairness of my privileged life. I am too busy living it and trying to help others live theirs.
3:13 PM PT: Thanks for the Recs, as always. I'm a very bad judge of my own work/writing/life, so I truly appreciate the support.
3:50 PM PT: Uh. Wow. Thank you. Seriously. The support for this diary is a little overwhelming, so I'm very flattered, and want to say thank you to everyone who comments, even if you disagree with me.