Ebola!
Immigrants!
Terrorists!
Ebola infected immigrant terrorists with calves the size of water melons!
Calm down everyone, I have the solution to all your fears.
I plan to Saran Wrap the United States, whoa hold on about the costs and possible effects on small business, hear me out first!
Look we can invade Canada [big win for the neocons there right away] and use their tar sands oil to make the film.
Seeing that Saran Wrap is near on impermeable whatever CO2 we produce wont effect the global climate, so big freedom preserved there my friends.
We maintain America fresh with all our freedom loving odors!
Oh wait
Slight problem
Oxygen permeability.
Hmmmm
ooops.