Besides my own direct family, while I do not have the personal relationships with many that others do I come here to be challenged and I hope offer assistance.
I had wanted to write a Diary sooner. About me- I am a white Male (privileged in that I do not I suppose leave my home fearing at any time I may be a suspect), I am an attorney, I actually am not working at the moment . . .
And I am about to have a son. Due January 26.
My thoughts and invitation to quell my greatest fear below that which has no name but is orange (other than health, happiness, that he be conservative (no I am not really joking I would feel a failure if he were)).
Is this getting to be a worse time, harder to be good? I don't know maybe in that we hoped we had such change and it feels cosmetic. . .
I am lucky beyond the tongue-in-cheek and unfortunate observation of the world he will be entering. I am not the sort of person to bemoan how I would not want to raise a child in this world, but I am a realist.
I will likely go off on a number of tangents. How Could I not. He was not planned, but I can't wait to meet him.
First, some observations. A year ago I had no plans of having Children. My brother-in-law told me when he had my nephew that I would reach a point in time when I would look at Children differently and think "yes, I would like that". I think for some time I had the means but it matters to me, who I am, and I only hope I have taken leaps to be who he deserves of a father.
I have thought considerably about unfairness in the millions of things. I have parents who I can rely on. Who showed me I think how to be a good man. From not funding planned parenthood to forcing abstinence and no condoms I am more appalled than ever. That there is an implication of consequence in being a parent. There are consequences to actions, yes. But in my own reflection of wanting to raise someone to have all I had, the idea of human collateral because if you are 18 and have a kid well you knew what you were doing makes me wonder how many diapers those ideologically affiliated changed. Even with all I may "have" I am filled with fear about raising a good man. Two years ago let alone 14 when I was 18 I can't imagine the task of growing myself and raising (which continues beyond). I applaud young parents, and despise so much more veiled efforts to make a child a consequence of action. In this world even at 32 I think myself young, learning (I likely always will).
I suppose I say this especially as I read (as we are unmarried) surprisingly the last 5 years is the first time in US history wherein more SINGLE than married women and mostly UNDER 30 are pregnant.
Another comment before I admit my fears and hope for understanding. My Girlfriend, whom I dearly love, is a student. I told her despite my unemployment her only job was to be happy and healthy. Unemployment is adequate for me. A family it is absurd. Moreover, she is a "liberal" who has no particular political interest/compass. I was shocked in discussing so many times "when I get a job I can" and "I only get x for unemployment" in stating what I can't afford that when I looked more into Government benefits available for her that even though she has me buy everything there has been created such a stigma to Cash Assistance she will not do it. Same with food stamps. I tried to discuss it but it is based on no logic this idea that you are "in some system". Despite me saying I pay my taxes, would pay more, so that those who are in situations like yours have a social safety net. To no avail. It was sad to hear her describe who is on "welfare" and unfathomable how she would avoid it.
I couldn't help but think some day they will do this to Social Security. They already did it to Pensions.
I hope that my concerns are good. I am not a father. I have incredible parents. I had nothing to rebel against so without a hint of arrogance I really have to say I was really a great kid, all A's, liked school, sports, friends with all, just was happy. Never "needed".
That is the biggest thing for me not working. Knowing what I will need. Remembering how nice it was to be not spoiled although if I needed something I would have it. I want to give my Son everything, all I know now, all I know that is guaranteed is I have tried to cultivate the great love I have and feel with my parents and ready it.
I want to raise a man who cares about the same things with the same (more) passion and intelligence as it is with great difficulty I chose a path of caring about others. All else weird interests, etc. I would support I suppose. But being a conservative, being ignoble especially if I am wealthy I cannot stomach.
I don't know if it strange, perhaps a sign of the times that a litmus for raising a good man is he is not in the Tea Party whatever that is in 30 years.
I don't want my son though to be in facebook groups stating he is "Darren Wilson". I don't want him to use whatever intelligence to other's detriments. Shallowly.
I realize I can't and don't want to control his interests or life. But there are striking images and my father telling me "there are two types of people those that care about others and those that do not the first are Democrats . . ." I guess you just hope that it rubs off intelligently and emotionally.
I am of course afraid of his being marginalized as we base our economy on creating money without creating value (ie a finance economy). I am of course afraid of him being exposed to guns, tragically as no one curtails them. I am afraid of the world he will breath in, the medicines existing without "superbugs" that are effective and similarly him eating foods that are "organic". I am afraid of the world the Kochs would give him.
I am worried how I could explain to him why a boy he could know was shot in 2 seconds. Why people are chastised for stating simply they want "justice" (police are offended by asking for justice). Explaining why we are "great" as a country in the ways that we are while being honest about the terrible things we have done from torture to Iraq. Why we are hated. Why we could be loved. Things I imagine I'll need to believe to explain I think my father was similarly honest and compassionate?
Feel free to state anything. Advice, fears, whether not sleeping and excitement (I am really not "worried" I just hope everything goes right) are normal. Or whether hoping more than anything else that he sees the world in a way I understand is normal with heart, not an ignorant simple fear. I hope it nature and nurture.
I hope the Kochs and tea partiers don't continue to obfuscate what makes it easy to let your kid learn the pledge.
I could write 10 pages. Thanks for bearing with me :-)
I am sure I know hardly anything that I will actually be concerned with yet at least for a long time. I can promise it will be very difficult for him to have hate, I hope my contribution. Maybe if we all invested heart, the only thing I am sure of.