Apparently, Rush has a hard time swallowing
Idris Elba as James Bond. Personally, I think if you locked them both in a room, Rush would swallow whatever Idris told him to swallow. You know why? I'll tell you why. Forget the acting, the charisma, the power, the danger, the animal energy, the keen intellect, the rogueish charm. He's named after a place Napoleon went to freakin' die! You feeling it, now?
Fans of The Wire know that given a choice of being locked in a room with Stringer Bell or Brother Mouzone, you were better off with Brother Mouzone. Brother Mouzone may have been a stone cold contract killer, but that made him predictable. For starters, he was a professional. He didn't like getting his hands dirty if he didn't have to. Stringer Bell, on the other hand, you have no idea what he'd do to you. We're talking about a guy who didn't care if you were family or not. You in the way, you gotta go. That's some serious Michael Corleone kind of ruthless.
But ruthless isn't enough to be Bond. That just gets you Quantum of Solace. To really fill Bond's shoes, you need charisma. Compared to Daniel Craig, I have to say Idris Elba wins hands down in the charisma department. No contest. He'd give Burt Lancaster a run for his money. Hell, he'd give Marvin Gaye a run for his money. In the physicality department, there's no question Craig is crisper with his choreography. But Elba wouldn't have to dip and dodge to avoid getting hurt in a fight scene. He'd barrel into the minions and put people through walls. All his fight scenes would play like the opening of The Watchmen. At least one guy would go out a window. It there wasn't a window handy, he'd make one.
I realize Rush is in a terminally drug-induced haze so James Bond is as real to him as Santa is to Megyn Kelly, bless her heart. That's why the OxyMoron says stupid stuff like:
James Bond is a total concept put together by Ian Fleming.
He was white and Scottish. Period
Oh Really? You need to get out more...
Someone should clue the OxyMoron in on this newsflash: there have been a number of radically different Bonds ... and they haven't all been Scottish. Before we get too deep into this, you have to respect the unwritten rule. If want to talk Bonds, you have to start where everyone else starts. You start at the beginning.
Sean Connery -- The Prototypical Jame Bond. A Scotsman, aye. But that was against the wishes of Sir Ian The way I heard it, Fleming wanted David Niven! Can you believe that?! David Niven, for chrissake! Can you see him as a spy in the real world? Me neither. If that doesn't get your Irish up, nothing will. I think you need an Irishman to really give you an adequate response to that nonsense. Fortunately, John McEnroe, was available:
Why anyone ever thought an effete dandy like Niven was Bond material, I'll never know. He's like a mincing Dick Cavett. Hell, why not cast Woody Allen as Bond? Oh.... wait... they did. They actually put both of them in the same movie! Of course, that was 1967 so we'll just blame it on drugs.
Now that I'm thinking about it, Dick Cavett would have been better than either one or both of those two clowns. Why they put Peter Sellers in that movie without giving him the lead, I'll never know. Some mistakes even drugs don't explain. You know Sellers would have been brilliant as a British Clouseau. He would have done for Bond films what Jackie Chan did for Kung Fu movies. It would have been glorious.... but then we never would have had The Pink Panther, so maybe it was all for the best.
After a fiasco like Casino Royale I could see why they wanted to play it safe. That explains Robert Moore, Roger Moore, whatever his name is -- pure pasty faced Brit. But all he did was act like The Saint went slumming. Like he was doing the audience a goddamn favor showing up! Although I will admit, the ski chase in The Spy Who Loved Me was cool -- the X-Games were a full thirty years in the future. So you can appreciate the audience reaction to his mode of escape.
But Bond was more than stunts. For my money, the only Bond worthy of following Connery was Brosnan. Who cares if he's Irish? All I know is he was better at playing Bond than Connery was at playing Irish. Can you remember a crappier Irish accent than the one Connery tried to deliver in The Untouchables? It's enough to drive you to drink. Brosnan may not have been Connery, but he wasn't too shabby. He was certainly a hell of a lot better than that Welsh wanker -- Timothy Dalton. I don't know what he thought he was doing. But tongue-in-cheek wasn't working with that guy. He came across more like creepy--something--wrong--with--that--boy if you ask me. Not the kind of guy a woman would want to be left alone with, if you catch my drift. I wouldn't be surprised if the only mementos he collected from blonde bombshells were restraining orders.
What can I say? It takes all kinds. Some are better than others, and you could argue favorites. But everyone agrees on one thing. Anyone was a better Bond than the one I skipped: George Lazenby, that crazy Aussie bastard. When they killed his wife at the end of On Her Majesty's Secret Service, he seemed less upset than a guy who discovered his rental car didn't have collision insurance. Don't worry, I'm not spoiling anything by telling you how it ends. He was that bad. I think McEnroe really speaks for everyone when it comes to Lazenby:
The bottom line, Rush (as always) is talking out of his ass. There is just too much history of diversity in the Bond franchise. But it isn't until we get to Daniel Craig that we really push the envelope. If Idris Elba gets the part, he owes Craig a huge debt of gratitude. Why? Because Craig broke the "Blonde Bond" barrier. Broke it wide open and paved the way for a Black Bond! You know what they say ....
Si vous allez blonde
tu gouvernes le monde
I think that translates into -- "Once Bond goes blonde, all bets are off."
Or something like that.
In fact, just to show you how far we have moved into a Brave New World... let me paint you a picture of the Bond Beyond. I'm talking about the Bond after the Black Bond. She's going to be Asian.
Here's the pitch:
Jié mǐ Bond was born in Hong Kong to a British father and Chinese mother. When Britain turned Hong Kong over to China, Jié mǐ was forced to escape (along with her younger brother, James who everyone calls Jimmy) in the middle of the night when the Chinese secret police showed up at the house and captured their parents (who were really working for MI6).
During the ensuing chase, Jié mǐ and Jimmy get separated. Jié mǐ ultimately makes her way back to London where she finds safe haven with her paternal grandmother (played by a pre-Skyfall Judi Dench), but she is tormented by guilt for abandoning her brother. Raised by her grandmother, Jié mǐ eventually learns the true identity of "Granny" and joins MI6, whereupon she discovers Jimmy is still alive in Hong Kong! The joy of this discovery is eclipsed by Granny M's untimely death. Embittered, Jié mǐ dedicates her life to the dual mission of avenging granny and rescuing Jimmy.
Meanwhile, back in Hong Kong, Jimmy is also on a mission. The men who saved him are not nice people. They are gangsters working for the Triad. They have been grooming him for years and raised him with the belief that his entire family was wiped out by the Chinese government with collusion from Britain's MI6. Bitter and bent on revenge, Jimmy has dedicated his life to becoming the ultimate assassin. As his years of training draw to a close, the Triad is preparing to send him to London where his dual citizenship will make it easy for him to do their bidding. Unbeknownst to Jimmy, this mission will become a rendezvous with destiny....
Admit it. That would be awesome.
But you know what would turn that awesome into awesome sauce?!? Close your eyes and imagine this.... Hey. What are you doing? If you close your eyes, how are you going to read this? Don't close your eyes, just imagine this: Maggie Q as Jié mǐ Bond. Now close your eyes and savor that image. (h/t to Roiling Snake Ball)
Once you sell that story line, anything is possible. You know where this is heading. The sequel's baked in and it's a brave new world. I'm talking the kind of sequel that would make Rush scream like a little girl. Music to my ears. Jimmy grows up to be James and here's the kicker: In that Bond Beyond the new Bond would be gay! I'm not talking closeted ambivalent overcompensating Timothy Daltonesque creepiness. I'm talking George Takai Oh Myyyyyy.... absolutely fabulous, out of the closet into the streets and gay as Christmas... which reminds me ....
Merry Christmas!