From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
My 2015 Resolutions
As always, broadening my horizons this year…
I vow to write lengthy policy-oriented letters to the Republican leadership, which will carefully consider my views and respond accordingly with appropriate legislation. In addition to having other hallucinogenic experiences.
I shall learn more about the Pope's historic climate change encyclical, and then figure out what kind of mind-control technique Al Gore is using to secretly control him.
I shall try harder to catch Democrats doing things right and give them louder props for rightly doing them.
I shall take a swig of whatever booze is handy every time I hear a tea partier complaining about how the Republican majorities in the House and Senate have betrayed them!
Once again, my resolution to overcome
my fear of creepy moon heads failed in
2014. This year I can't fail because I'm
using the new creepy moon head patch.
With respect to the above, I shall keep a spare liver in the refrigerator.
To protest its lack of support, I shall turn my back to my old couch every time I'm sitting in it.
I shall figure out how people get so fucking rich and then emulate their habits, starting with getting reborn into a family of people who are so fucking rich.
I shall reduce the number of distractions in my life by
I shall think more about world peace, economic justice and environmental responsibility. Or sex, whichever comes first.
Because he's doing such a fine job, I shall reduce the demands I place on Maine Senator Angus King to one 400-page ultimatum per week (down from 500 last year).
I shall cut Wall Street some slack by acknowledging that fleecing America is slightly harder than they make it look.
That should keep me busy. How 'bout you?
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 5, 2014…er, dammit…2015
Note: As of January 1, it's now legal to carry a concealed sack of rattlesnakes without a permit. Well, won't this be fun. ---City Hall
-
12 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Martin Luther King, Jr. Day:
14
Days 'til the
Florida Keys Seafood Festival in Key West:
12
Consumer confidence in current economic conditions, up from 93.7 in November:
98.6
The last time confidence was that high:
2/08
(Source: Conference Board)
Percent of the 36,000 ACA sign-ups in the first month of 2015 enrollment in Maine who were new enrollees:
39%
(Source:
The Portland Press Herald)
Percent chance that Time-Warner Cable is ranked last in the latest American Customer Satisfaction Index among 229 companies:
100%
Rank of
Guardians of the Galaxy, Hunger Games 3 and
Captain America 2 among top-grossing movies in 2014:
#1, #2, #3
(Source: Box Office Mojo)
-
Puppy Pic of the Day (via Kossack goddess Vicki): Pups posing with their pet firefighters
-
CHEERS to January! Anyone who enjoys winter sports is in Heaven this month. And hot clam chowder on a frigid, snowy day is unbeatable. Plus: minimum wage hikes in 20 states and D.C.! Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! FDR's birthday! Australia Day! California Dried Plum Digestive Health Month! Oscar nominations! Same-sex marriage in Florida (tomorrow at first light, although a handful of county clerks are going to be big jerks about it and stop marriages altogether). And the Chinese New Year rides in on a goat! Too much fun! Don’t let it stop!
JEERS to January. Yesterday we got rain on top of freezing rain on top of snow. Today: lobsternadoes. Tomorrow: polar freakin' vortex. Make...it…stop.
JEERS to the return of the bad people. Congress members new and old return to Washington this week to kick off the 114th session. The House (with its new white supremacist caucus) and Senate (with its new Republican majority leader) reconvene tomorrow for happy swearings-in and backslapping, followed by 23 months of behavior that would get any three-year-old child kicked out of daycare. Meanwhile the real ugliness is going to happen in the states, where Republicans are planning to tear down everything including unions:
Here we go again.
Democrats and union officials warn Republicans against going too far, just a few years after bills targeting public-sector employee unions sparked protests in Wisconsin and Ohio. “These bills have proven time and time again to decrease wages and safety standards in all workplaces,” said Stephanie Bloomingdale, secretary-treasurer of the Wisconsin AFL-CIO.
Said Republicans: "Exactly."
P.S. Guess who's challenging John Boehner to become Speaker of the House? Louie Gohmert. House historian Matthew Wasniewski confirms that Gohmert would be the first Speaker to wield a rubber gavel that squeaks.
CHEERS to the continuing adventures Ol' Whatsizface. When last we left presidential failure Barack Hussein Obama, he was jetting off to that foreign and exotic land Cokie Roberts calls "Hawaii" buoyed by rising poll numbers, strong economic news, an historic Cuba announcement, low gas prices, and a couple dozen judicial confirmations. Now he's back and itchin' to keep on controlling the narrative:
"Don't look now, Gladys, but guess who's insulting
the USA by dressing up in tan again?"
-
During stops in Michigan, Arizona and Tennessee, Obama plans to draw a connection between actions his administration took early in his presidency and increasingly positive economic trends in sectors such as manufacturing and housing.
Officials say he'll also offer specific new proposals---some that he'll pursue with Congress and others he'll advance with his own authority---that are intended to build on that progress, particularly for the middle class. It's an approach that upends the traditional White House script to start the year, when new policy rollouts are usually reserved for the president's annual [State of the Union] address to Congress.
Republicans, of course, are greeting the news by throwing tantrums on Fox News, and right-wing social media has already turned this week's day trips into his first scandal of the year:
Doingstuffgate.
JEERS to doing the wrong kind of crunches during your workout. Senator Harry Reid is resting in pieces this morning as he recovers from broken ribs and facial bones he suffered while he was using a piece of exercise equipment that broke. But the good news is he didn't break his lower leg bone, thus avoiding a protracted fibulabuster.
CHEERS to sports shorts. The winners from the weekend pigskin playpens are the Panthers, Cowboys (which made Chris Christie shake when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly, and no, I can't explain it), Colts and Ravens. They'll move up the ladder in their quest to be the team that has the distinct honor of being the tyrants whose blood the New England Patriots will use to water the Tree of Super Bowl 49. And in other sports news, the winners over the weekend in the NHL were, as usual, the dentists.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: January 5, 2005
CHEERS to Kos & Co. ABC News, showing more wisdom than Time magazine, picked us bloggers over George W. Bush as people of the year. Sure, we now get the coveted corner booth behind the velvet ropes at McDonalds---but we'll always remember our humble roots.
CHEERS to increased bloggership. The number of Americans who read blogs increased from 17% a year ago to nearly 30% now. And bonus cheers to the blogosphere's active role in raising millions for tsunami victim relief. Not bad for a bunch of nerds, eh?
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to Mario Cuomo. I was just starting college when he was elected to his first term as governor, so my attention was squarely focused where it needed to be at that point in my life: MTV and HBO in the dorm lounge. Despite the circumstances (he was 82 when he died last week), it's been eye-opening to learn about his life and brand of liberal politics that couldn’t seem the withstand the rise of the blue dogs. Here he is in a TV spot with Texas Governor Ann Richards, both taking their defeats in stride:
Comfort food. The great uniter.
Have a tolerable Monday and a pleasant 2015. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Sportscaster Jim Rome Calls Bill in Portland Maine ‘Dork,’ Gets an Earful on Twitter
---Mediaite
-