Time to move on to the next address!.
Attention Human Felines!
This is Ceiling Cat, your immortal Better and humble Benefactor.
I contact you this evening to inform you of works done on your behalf in the year of 2014. While recognizing the lateness of my New Year salutation, you will too recognize this last month has been a hectic settling in to the new address for Ceiling Cat and will thus indulge my whim.
There is much confusion amongst Human Humans regarding Me and the nature of my Work. Feline Humans are often themselves confused, purrferring earthly delights to correcting misconceptions, especially when faced with the choice of food or sleep. In that spirit, I welcome you to a selection of my interventions over the last year.
I know you will admire my hairball as you cross the threshold. Feel free to leave it there for the next visitor.
In these pictures (which
bastrop placed in Litterbox Mode for expanded viewing) you will see me posing for the camera in rooms that represent important work accomplished on your behalf. You will also note that I partake in food pleasures of the New Year variety.
You shall also revere the Truth and marvel at the Wonder that is the near complete destruction of the previous address! Isn't that fantastic? It was such a superficially lovely home at the beginning of the year, yet I became displeased with earthly events and as such took measures to correct them. That is my yearly gift to you.
You are welcome.
Without further delay, you will now enjoy my portrait of December 31, 2014. In this image I pose in practice for the dropping of The Ball. It's a specialty ball I had custom made to perfect my swipe. In prior years the ball was filled with a proprietary blend of Valeriana officinalis and Feline facial pheromone. This year I had it filled with a proprietary blend of Petulance and Psychopathy in honor of The Worst of 2014.
Bastrop had this matted and framed for me. Isn't he obedient?
This next image shows me celebrating the New Year breakfast with black-eyed-peas. You will note my ambivalence. I did not detect the presence of meat or fish and I believe this dish is over rated, yet I recognize the need to maintain tradition and invite luck. Even though I create luck.
Not over rated is my redecorating of the den and adjacent kitchen, as Feline Human minions brought to my attention this past year their reduced opportunity for begging. This was due to inferior table food. I therefore put several of your less desirable meat sources in time out, and later added a usurious enabler for good measure. This is among my best work, especially the addition of a La-Z-Boy recliner.
Humans must earn more to eat better. How else will minions gain their share?
Here you will see my sampling of a hocks, greens and cornbread lunch in the bedroom. This took place after second morning nap.
I'd forgotten this space was no longer fit for sleeping or napping, let alone eating. In a futile attempt to sequester the seemingly endless suffering caused by your false War "gods", even the placement of a statue of myself as Kali can not contain the despicable destruction and sorrow. Be assured I left my mark in protest of such inhumanity.
Who could eat here?
Moving on to dinner, this picture was taken in a bathroom. By this time I was hungry and MY GOODNESS did I dine! Roast pig is
by far a preferred meal and the accompanying dessert, well, what can I say? You can't have pig without donuts!
You will NEVER catch me abusing MY authority.
I've spent a lot of time in that bathroom this year and the scent of launched-and-returned defiance reminds me of my youth. I still haven't lost my penchant for losing patience with abuse of authority. You will remember this image from last year.
I was right there with you, Human Humans.
In this shot I'm about to eat breakfast before checking out en route to the new 2015 address on January 2nd. I decided to take one last look around and this room in particular seemed a fitting celebration of a final resting place for 2014.
Don't be scared of the decor. It's just a distraction meant to keep your focus away from the prize of my herring rollmops.
This room commemorates your 2014 Elections. Note the urine stains. All of them are mine.
On my way out the door I was distracted by the need for a final snack. What better place to do so than the formerly opulent parlor room where I once kept the Petulance and Psycopathy Ball? Like attracts like, as it were.
Clearly I have abandoned all pretense of civility and succumbed to the true hedonistic nature that is Ceiling Cat. I mean, caviar AND caviar flavored potato chips? I have since decided to bring this room with me to the new address. There will be plenty more of all of this to correct in 2015.
What can I say? Ceiling Cat is a hedonist at heart.
Now that you have had a privileged peek into the workings of Me I have cemented your allegiance and shall prepare for your groveling. I've also grown tired and as such will retire to my throne in preparation for an impending nap. You are welcome for all I have done. Until next time, I know you will attend your rightful duties as Human Subjects of Human Felines with warm blankets, irregular postures so as not to disturb, and muchly done bidding.
Most importantly you will always remember:
Neck, Chin and Ears are always preferable locations of worship. Bellies at your own risk.
Of course my throne is a donut!
Kitchen Table Kibitzing is a community series for those who wish to share part of the evening around a virtual kitchen table with kossacks who are caring and supportive of one another. So bring your stories, jokes, photos, funny pics, music, and interesting videos, as well as links—including quotations—to diaries, news stories, and books that you think this community would appreciate. Readers may notice that most who post diaries and comments in this series already know one another to some degree, but newcomers should not feel excluded. We welcome guests at our kitchen table, and hope to make some new friends as well.