From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Little Gay Billy's BIG Gay Newsapalooza!
I'm here, I'm queer, and I brung ya some beer. And this:
• Rachel Maddow reported last night that Bryan Fischer, the uber-homophobic spokesman and radio host for the American Family Association---a real psycho---got shitcanned yesterday. Something about a junket to Israel, the AFA, the RNC, Reince Priebus, and the fact that Fischer considers Judaism a fake religion. Gonna be a good day for munching popcorn as this beautiful mess unfolds.
• The esteemed American Broadcasting Company has green-lighted (green-lit?)
a sitcom based on the life of advice columnist Dan Savage. Yes, the same Dan Savage who started the "It Gets Better" campaign and made "Googling Santorum" an act of high patriotism. The far-right is so furious they're calling for a boycott of everything in the world there is to boycott. And then boycott
that!
• This week marks the 70th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camp. Prisoners designated as gay had to wear a pink triangle on their clothing. When the allies finally crushed the Nazis and freed the prisoners, the gay ones were often put back in prison to finish serving their time. Gee, thanks.
• GOSSIP WATCH! Yesterday Senator Lindsey Graham asked Attorney General nominee Loretta Lynch what the difference between gay marriage and polygamy is. Could America's most-eligible bachelor be getting the urge to settle down? Watch this space!
• When Jeopardy! is on my teevee, all is right in the universe. Especially when they get snarky:
• When Barack Obama became the first president to acknowledge the transgender community in a State of the Union address last week, it
was a big deal.
• I am endlessly amused (to the point where my sleep-tittering keeps Michael awake at night) by the right's meltdown over gay marriage. It apparently has come down to two arguments: 1) it encourages discrimination against Christian cake bakers, and 2) Fuck you and the United States Supreme Court ruling you rode in on, we'll do whatever we want. I admit, they make a cogent case.
• And the usual reminder: 36 states allow same-sex couples to hoof it down to City Hall and get a marriage license, while 29 states allow employers to fire employees just because of their sexual orientation and 32 because of their gender identity. America: still a work in progress.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, January 29, 2015
Note: A quick heads-up that there will be no C&J Monday on account of a severe case of Februarysecondophobia. Back Tuesday with dust bunnies all over me from cowering under the bed.
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8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Grammy Awards:
10
Days 'til the
Burlington Winter Beer Festival in Ontario:
8
Percent chance Standard and Poor's has downgraded Russia's sovereign debt to "junk levels":
100%
Percent of snowblower-related amputations that happen to males:
96.4%
(Source: FiveThirtyEight.com)
Percent of Mainers getting financial assistance in order to afford their health insurance through the ACA:
89%
(Source:
The Portland Press Herald)
Percent of Democrats and Republicans, respectively, who believe the New England Patriots cheated by deflating a dozen footballs during their game with the Colts:
46%, 36%
Rank of The Green Bay Packers among most beloved NFL teams:
#1
(Source:
PPP poll)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
I'm apparently up for sale this morning, along with my newspaper, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Our corporate masters have put us on the bidding block, and here we stand, waiting for prospective buyers to come along and inspect our teeth, as it were.
As a veteran of this experience (this is my fourth time on the block), I prefer it when the corporate masters announce the results abruptly after the deed is done. That way, you don't have time to worry about which Simon Legree might come along and snap you up as a bargain at the price. "Could have been worse," we say to one another after the done deal is announced. "We could have gone to Rupert Murdoch." Mr. Murdoch is widely regarded as the worst plantation owner producing our line of crops.
---January, 1997
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Here's this year's Budweiser puppy ad.
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CHEERS to passing the audition. Color me gobsmacked---I thought Obama Derangement Syndrome was going to prevent attorney general nominee Loretta Lynch from even getting a committee hearing, let alone a confirmation vote. But I guess the kinder, gentler Senate majority realizes it needs to do the bare minimum, and by all accounts yesterday's hearing went with a minimum of circus acts:
"I swear to tell the truth, and to
outwit you with one brain lobe
tied behind my back."
Attorney General nominee Loretta Lynch on Wednesday defended the legality of President Barack Obama's executive actions on immigration, but sought to win approval from Congressional Republicans by pledging to rebuild the rocky relationship between the Justice Department and the GOP.
"I look forward to fostering a new and improved relationship with this committee, the United States Senate, and the entire United States Congress---a relationship based on mutual respect and Constitutional balance," Lynch told the Senate Judiciary Committee during her confirmation hearing. "Ultimately, I know we all share the same goal and commitment: to protect and serve the American people."
She still has to pass two critical tests before her final confirmation vote: singing a few bars of
Let the Eagle Soar and
throwing a tarp over the boob lady statue. (John Ashcroft says it's all in the wrist.)
JEERS to the right-wing cover-up cover-up. Benghazi is on nobody's mind these days, but that's not stopping Republicans from charging ahead with their sham "select" committee hearings. And since this is just a dog-and-pony show, committee chairman Trey Gowdy has no interest in playing by his own rules, says David Corn:
"I like sammiches!"
Democrats on the House Select Committee on Benghazi have hit Gowdy with a sharp charge: that he and his Republican investigators have conducted secret meetings with witnesses without informing their Democratic colleagues on the committee. And they say that some of these interviews have yielded information that undercuts anti-Obama Benghazi allegations promoted by conservatives. In other words, the Democrats are suggesting that Gowdy has been mounting a Benghazi cover-up of his own.
Gowdy says he's completely innocent, he hasn’t been out in the back yard burying bodies, and he's just holding this bloody shovel for a friend.
CHEERS to #25. Happy birthday to William McKinley, born January 29, 1843 in Niles, Ohio. Talk about cruising to victory---in 1896, while William Jennings Bryan was dashing around the country stumping on a measly $50k, McKinley campaigned from his back porch, sipping iced tea as his fat-cat supporters raised $3 million for him. Unfortunately his belly got in the way of a couple bullets fired by an anarchist five years later, and that was that. Pay your respects at his humble resting place:
If you ever plan to visit in person, be sure to take along a Sherpa. And don't look down!
JEERS to the latest headlines from Just IN, the new state-run news service set up by Indiana Governor Mike pence:
• Huge crowds greet glorious Governor Mike Pence with sweets and flowers!
• Governor Pence shoots eighteen holes-in-one to thunderous applause, flowers!
• Governor Pence greeted at Muncie flower show with flowers, high-fives!
• "Governor Pence" now #1 baby name in state for boys and girls! Real Governor Pence accepts flowers of gratitude from overjoyed parents!
Probably ease up a bit on the flowers, Governor. The sweets might get jealous.
CHEERS to a new entry in the C&J classified section. FOR SALE: 2010 Honda Civic LX. Here's a current pic:
Serious offers only, please.
P.S. For the record, Portland got 23 inches of snow Tuesday. It'll look so lovely next to the 3-5 4-8 inches we're getting tomorrow and potential foot we're expecting Monday. So much for banning white after Labor Day.
JEERS to lying liars. On January 29, 2001, President George W(orst) Bush promised to "act boldly and swiftly" to deal with our challenges concerning energy. His brilliant idea: put Cheney in charge of a secret task force that would make sure nothing happened boldly or swiftly. As a result, the big oil companies were forced to deal with the challenge of where to sock away all their record profits. (Legend has it that the Exxon-Mobil CEO's mattress was twelve stories high.)
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 29, 2005
CHEERS to Jeremiah Jenkins. The Harvard Divinity School student briefly distracted Bush during his inaugural speech by booing loudly. Time magazine says he was arrested for disorderly conduct, jailed for a night and fined. But Jenkins takes it in stride: "If there's one thing I learned, it's that if you want to interrupt the President of the most powerful nation in the world while he's delivering his Inaugural Address, it's going to cost you about $25." Divine.
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And just one more…
MEGA-WORSHIPFUL CHEERS to the Great and Powerful "O".
"What do you mean I'm
only getting ONE of these?"
Happy birthday to you...
Ow Ow Ow Ow!!!
Happy birthday to you...
Ow Ow Ow!!!
Happy 61st...er, 39th...birthday, dear Oprah,
Again, I say: Ow!!!
Happy birthday to you!
There, I sang it. Now please, ma'am...remove your stiletto from my neck.
Have a nice Thursday. Oh, and happy 51st anniversary, Dr. Strangelove. Today in the C&J cafeteria: 50 percent off all precious bodily fluids. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Here’s one from the helluva good idea department. Disney has just started to turn its attention to reviving the Indiana Jones franchise. I’m cautioned that while things are very early, I hear the studio has set its sights on Bill in Portland Maine as the swashbuckling archaeologist they hope to build the new franchise around.
---Mike Fleming Jr., Deadline.com
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