Here's a thought that many of us seem to regularly forget in our days of technology ~ mingling. Remember when we didn't have FaceBook, Twitter or (gasp) even eBay? We had to go places, talk to people, negotiate in person and, perhaps most importantly, get our names out there with a face to go with it. Our people skills were vibrant or hesitant, based upon our individual levels of comfort, but dang it, if we wanted to promote our business, our passion, we got out there and waded through as best we could. Now, when people want your support, they ask you to ‘like’ their page or forward a tweet. They text you impersonal messages often with difficult to decipher emotion, without the help of the smile or frown emoticons that have taken the place of actual emotional investment. While I certainly understand technology is a very valuable tool, it’s a poniard as well.
I am always slightly amused when I see younger folks, clearly frustrated in their endeavors, wondering why no one beyond a few family members or friends have liked their pages or bought their wares. Networking, people. Networking. And not just ON the net, in person, without trying to sell yourself or pick the other person’s brain either. Stop documenting every moment with your cell phone and just have a human conversation with someone. I get that it’s a dying art, but try. (Imagine a wry smile here.) Don’t meet someone and go into a sales pitch (or a fan gush) and expect them to support you because of that. Have a meaningful interaction with them and go from there. Wouldn’t you rather have a half hour conversation with someone you truly admire than just thanks and a handshake after you gush out ‘OMG! I love your work!’ At the end of the day, yes we all remember compliments – we’re human, after all -- but hopefully, we also remember those conversations that made us engage, sparked a really good laugh, or made us feel comfortable in our own skin. Strive for those memories in other people.
We live in a society that asks for instant fame or, at the very least, instant recognition. Most people, if they ask their secret self, want to be remembered by more than just friends in some manner. When pressed, most will say they want to make a positive mark on the world. Nothing wrong with that. I hope for this as well and since I own a small business, I depend upon local recognition (that personal contact) to make my living. A few years back, a student of mine and I were discussing this and I told her that in my own brand of arrogance, I expected people to remember me. I explained that I basically tried my own version of the Vulcan mind-meld when introducing myself or shaking hands and willed them to remember me. Taking it a bit further, it’s that I tried to give off some part of myself that they could take with them; a positive impression that lasted long enough so that even if they forgot my name, they would remember the meeting. For the most part it works, but I live in a small town and perhaps that’s an integral factor.
When you have an exciting widget that everyone wants, you’re instantly popular and (sadly) sometimes just as instantly, forgotten. If you’re striving for lasting impression in your field, be human to people you don’t know and who you might view as irrelevant in your path to greatness; because in the long run, that matters. When you treat people like they’re a stepping stone, or disposable – you become disposable, forgettable.
I was horribly shy as a young adult and I managed to overcome it in a several of ways and marshal it in others. I consider myself very lucky, to have had some very good mentors (whether they knew it or not) and a few good professors in college who helped me by either being wonderful or horrible. The horrid ones made me stand up for what was fair, the good ones encouraged the right to speak out, the right to be different, and the right to exist without everyone loving what you represent. Part of that was learning how to convey to people that they matter for more than what they can give you or do for you; that their existence (and well-being) matters. It matters in spades and it comes down to human contact. Real human contact, not just cursory exchanges. To me, this is the foundation upon which all greatness should be built.