Today, February 14th, is Valentine's Day, the Hallmark holiday that is supposed to celebrate romantic love, but which has become a day when we compare our own lives to some romantic ideal and usually find it wanting. For me it began in grade school, when we were supposed to bring in valentines for classmates, and learned who was popular and who wasn't, and to feel bad if you were among the have-nots? Do you remember the books of valentines from Woolworth's, with the cards you pushed out? And try to think who to give them to who wouldn't make you feels bad afterwards?
Most of us learned early that we didn't come up to the mark socially - because even then the mark was measured by whether boys found you attractive.
Yesterday I went to the vet to pick up my dog's medication. An older man was there. One of the desk clerks must have asked him about what he was doing for his wife, because he said he didn't usually do anything special, adding "I always think that if you need a special day to tell her you love her it might as well be divorce day."
But some women have found a way to use this day to focus on victims of that violence that is the opposite of love. February 14th was chosen for the Memorial March for Missing Indigenous Women.
Violence Against Women: March for Missing Indigenous Women
Last week Tara linked to an article by Aji (read it here) about the generally unknown amount of violence against Indian women in this country and Canada. That can serve as an introduction to the march, which began in 1991 after a particularly brutal rape and murder of a Native woman a few weeks earlier, and has grown into multiple vigils and marches throughout Canada and into this country as well. It is truly a grassroots movement, organized from the start by indigenous women. The choice of date is brilliant, highlighting the devastation to families and communities caused by routine rape, abduction, and trafficking of Native women.
Aji wrote this week about MMWI, and explores in depth the issues of intersectionality brought to the fore last year. Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues, who has made this date into V-Day, went to Canada last year and invited the organizers of MMIW to join in her V-Day demonstration, completely ignoring the movement they had already built.
So many issues are raised by this - I hope for some discussion in the comments.
Violence Against Women: Police
There was a story this week about a murder-suicide in Texas. A woman called 911 to say she had just shot a cop. He was her boyfriend and she had killed him because she knew he was "going to hit me again."
Two studies have found that at least 40% of police officer families experience domestic violence, in contrast to 10% of families in the general population. A third study of older and more experienced officers found a rate of 24%, indicating that domestic violence is 2-4 times more common among police families than American families in general. A police department that has domestic violence offenders among its ranks will not effectively serve and protect victims in the community. Moreover, when officers know of domestic violence committed by their colleagues and seek to protect them by covering it up, they expose the department to civil liability.
In 2001 the
National Center for Women and Policing released an analysis of domestic violence among police officers that began with the above quote, and the situation has not changed much since then. Police officers accused of domestic violence were seldom disciplined or prosecuted; even when convicted, officers seldom faced any consequences at work.
One officer in Louisville, KY faced rather dramatic consequences earlier this month when a citizen witnessed him abusing his wife in public and stopped him, keeping him restrained until police arrived. He faces multiple charges; the real test, however, will be what happens to him in the department whether he is found guilty or not.
On a related but separate topic, Marian Wright Edelman wrote her weekly commentary for the Children's Defense Fund about poor and minority girls being funneled into the juvenile justice system for minor status offenses such as truancy or running away.
Other Topics
1. RH Reality Check has an article by a woman who imagines how her painful experience with an ectopic pregnancy would have been made much worse had she lived in a state with laws that put extra burdens on women needing abortions.
2. Emily's list has some very impressive finalists for their Gabrielle Giffords Rising Star Award. You can read about them and vote here.
3. Kossack FaithGardner wrote about a bizarre legal quirk that apparently doesn't make taking upskirt photos of girls and women illegal.
4. And finally, a list of tips for how to avoid rape I can get behind.