Six weeks ago (on Tuesday) my life changed for the better. I had a child. It is not just a new love and a selflessness I still don't understand and grows by the day or other more common changes having a child gives rise to:
I am learning from him, and the other people that love him about life in a very unique six weeks.
As I stay up and feed him so his mother can sleep I wanted to keep track and share.
I include some discussion to tie it into life and politics. I cans say that at this point with no sharing issues just cooing I cannot see a single conservative trait or lesson. Only the import of love, kindness and their offshoots.
I have not worked (for a salary) in a few months after my last employer had to lay off most everyone. The time has been fortuitous in some ways; I can help a lot when it seems like his mother needs it, and I have the opportunity to get to know him constantly as he studies me and I find myself studying him.
I post this because it makes me happy, as a reminder and I think because at the core everything can relate back to why I am liberal.
1.) How far giving goes, simple joys - When my son was born (Feb 3) and before I noted that it was unique that he would have a Great Great Grandmother who was alive. It is his mother's great grandmother.
On his fifth week birthday last week, his mother was speaking to her Grandmother. Her grandmother said that her Great Grandmother was in the hospital. She is in her nineties and when I have met her was surprisingly with it (mentally), albeit hard of hearing. Her health has been declining from what I already knew. For the first time from the hospital his Great Grandmother had said she thought she was dying, and regretted she might never see him. From what I know that was the only kind of "request" she made.
We decided to go down the next day. For two hours he ate, smiled, slept, snored, and she (his Great Great Grandmother) touched his feet and bottle.
She joked as we left that "we were supposed to leave that" (him). After we left we heard that those two hours were the most lively and with it she had been for awhile.
The next day (last wednesday) she went into Hospice care. I believe she (his great grandmother) passed away yesterday morning.
My Girlfriend was upset. I printed out some pictures I took when we went to the hospital. The thing I noticed was in her eyes, in every picture were fixed on my son, and glowing.
She was coherent the whole time I had ever seen her. I didn't know but she had less than Salient moments. I trust then that she knew what she "asked" for. That really seeing him and my girlfriend even for two hours was what she most wanted and made her forget her heart was failing for two hours, and seemingly made it not matter.
It says a lot to me on so many levels not about death but life, and what is a good one to just want joy and love when you "know" you are near your end. I try to remind my girlfriend to be proud, happy to have shared something special, introducing her to my son and sharing what seemed her best hours as she wanted.
It wasn't money, or bills or the things I stress about every day, just family and love that she cared about at the end. It was my son's cooing and smiling that were all she wanted, asked for.
The simple things are what mattered. At the base to relate to life and politics, that a smile mattered to put someone at ease - I could write pages - but I will say I think it is the thing we need to remember. Not needing fear for a moral compass, just remembering to be good to one another because more often than not it really matters. It can be special. There is also so much about fear, what is a good life (I think you can measure by what mattered to her at the end). I honestly was happy to be able to help
I'd also add what Politicans forget in the laws they make and we forget on a daily basis, how simple it is to do the good thing/the right thing even for those we do not know (or you are wrong Ayn Rand not that I needed more).
2. I tend to believe that she was demonstrating something I naturally see in him. Something everyone of us who stresses about anything from being stuck in traffic to doing their taxes.
I think we are lucky. As I was writing the above he waited for me quietly in his boppy to just smile at him, so he could laugh and smile back. So far (while it is difficult to keep up with his sleeping schedule) he has really not cried or been difficult in any way.
So long as he has food, he is happy. So long as we (his mother and I) are smiling he is. He seems tickled by the colors in the books we try to read. He laughs at being tickled.
He smiles in his sleep. I hope he stays this way, happy and a good person. Just as much I hope that he keeps this perspective- that anything can be a toy or an adventure.
Maybe some gluttony, but no greed, judgment of anyone. I can trace when I learned my greatest fears, when anxiety stuck to me. I know when I tried to forget. For all we learn, so many classes are devoted to how he, we were hard-wired. To find Joy when we have what we need, not reason to buck it. That it really can be that simple.
His great great grandmother I think regained this perspective. That the core, the simplest things are what matters. What we remember to concern ourselves with when we face the end.
If I have to tie this into the political world I would say there's something hopeful or being reminded that everyone in every country starts so joyfully and simply. That the roads we take, depending on where we are born, creates so much of our world, well everything. Some humanzing matters. Understanding even of the people we "hate". Behind their scary governments are always some good people. Of course be aware but don't lose sight of what we are and why we should be here. What we all have in common at some point to the extent possible. It disgusts to think about "collateral" damage when really it all was as unnecessary. Sabre rattling for elections.
People made fun of Kucinich for the Department of Peace. Well, why? And in our own lives maybe we need less to be happy, and even remembering that helps along the wayall the way to the end.
3. Sometimes we need help. He has helped me by forcing me to accept I can be better. For him. Beyond that he has made me realize how lucky I am to have been raised the way I was and hopefully can my son. Lucky.
People aren't. When someone cuts social welfare programs, hates Obama so Obamacare, chooses lobbyists over people, there are plenty of people who don't have a chance to be better. We should hel other people, because if we don't need it ourselves it is far more likely that it is our good luck than that we simply persevered. Not everyone is equal. And if love matters as much as he is reminding me what we should persevere in is bettering our lives and others to the extent we can not cutting programs that barely let people eek by.
4. No Judgment - You can make my smile by being sincere. Everyone who has held him (and there have been many) came away happy. Men women, black, white. They have equality completely in his eyes as they all can relate in the languages and feelings of compassion he picks up on.
Racism, sexism, homophobia all the social issues that Republicans obfuscate the fact that they have no economic similarity to their constituents- he would never think about. Not now as gay or straight 90 and sick, you can be sincere in your eyes and make him smile.
He won't (I hope) learn anything more than why that kind of hatred is wrong. He knows far more about equality than anyone claiming why it shouldn't exist. Well he knows everyone is the same so long as they are good as everyone can make him smile.
Being a parent is great. I never imagined. I could on and on. This isn't meant to be just sentimental. I truly have learned and keep learning. Am reminded of the noble truths of buddhism, the unfairness that happens, and how he is only thinking "this is smiling right" "I should smile at this person who is singing to me", how he makes other people put everything in "life" aside to live their lives.
I am lucky beyond how having him. Lucky to lose my job. Lucky to get to stare at him and learn how seeing the world can be so simple but rich, the difficulty being seeing how far away we get in our lives from those truths, and so confusing how people devote their lives to living completely outside of all the things I am reminded daily of that matter.
Thanks have a great Sunday.
Sorry I am tired as he is only sleeping 2-3 hours so I probably mistyped, I hope I didn't mispeak or imply the opposite anywhere of what I meant. Nor am I bragging, I am just so joyful and so introspective in a great way. I hope I never lose so much of what I have been gaining.