From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
[Poink!] The First Late Night Snark of Spring Sprouts!
"Some people are still angry about the letter written by Republicans to Iran. It's also not helping that they said, 'Dear Iran or Iraq (we can never keep you two straight)…'"
---Conan O'Brien
I'm told this is popular in Wisconsin. No
wonder Walker wants to kill education.
"Florida's governor wants to ban the phrase 'climate change.' Sorry, Republicans, but just like the phrase 'black president,' you can't just wish it away."
---Larry Wilmore
"Eighteen states have passed or proposed 'religious freedom' laws to protect the real victims of discrimination: Christian florists, who gladly do business with all manner of divorced, non-mother-and-father-honoring, covetous, name-of-the-Lord-in-vain-taking adulterers, but whose damnation conveniently hinges only on the gay-marriage boutonnière business."
---Jon Stewart
"This new Congress is just getting started, which is why I want to acknowledge the leader of the House Republicans---as soon as I figure out who that is."
---President Obama at the Gridiron Dinner
"Yesterday was not only daylight saving time, but also International Women's Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour."
---David Letterman
And this from
Last Week Tonight:
John Oliver: The [DOJ's Ferguson] report didn’t just show evidence of disproportionate targeting and violence against African-Americans. It also showed this:
MSNBC reporter: Investigators say that they found emails from court officials and police officers that were racial jokes that referenced President Obama…
CNN reporter: Another message in June 2011 compared dogs to African Americans, suggesting the animals needed "welfare" because they are "mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are."
John Oliver: It is moments like this that make me glad I'm on HBO, where you can hear me say this: Fuck those fucking assholes!!!
C'mon downstairs---there's daffodils and we hooked up the Twinkie cream filling fountain. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 20, 2015
Note: Michelle Obama is out of the country charming Japan as only she can, so we've hooked up the Twinkie creamy-filling fountain. Please gorge irresponsibly. (And if she calls, remember: we're eating salad.) ---Mgt.
-
8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Earth Day:
33
Days 'til the
Festival of Colors in Spanish Fork, Utah:
8
Weekly unemployment claims, again under 300k signaling a decent labor market:
291,000
(Source: Labor Dept.)
Rank of this week's solar storm on NOAA's scale for geomagnetic effects:
4
Amount in the Archdiocese of Milwaukee's cemetery trust fund---moved there by then-archbishop Timothy Dolan to protect it from sexual abuse settlements---that is no longer shielded:
$55 million
(Source: 7th Circuit Court of Appeals, overturning a previous ruling)
Rank of the west, the south and the east among U.S. regions where lobster appears on restaurant menus most often:
#1, #2, #3
(Source: Maine Lobster Marketing Collaborative)
Year during which revenue from music streaming services outpaced revenue from CD sales:
2014
(Source: FiveThirtyEight)
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Darth Golden
-
Poink.
CHEERS to the rite of Spring. A little less than an hour ago, at exactly
6:45 this evening I put on my tutu, strapped on my fairy wings, went outside and romped barefoot through the barley fields with the wee village folk. (as usual, I accidentally smushed a few in my irrational exuberance---they're
really wee), thus ushering in the second season of 2015, which in Maine we call "Winter, Part Dieux," but which you know better as spring. We hope your 10-day outlook is a little
springier than ours. But we're not complaining: as of today, our daffodils are on target to show up in a month. Or two.
P.S. You've been so well-behaved today. Here, have a complimentary double solar eclipse, courtesy of the European Space Agency's Proba-2 mini-satellite:
Watching in the Roosevelt Room as the
House passes the health care reform bill.
CHEERS to the Nailbiter Heard Round the World. I remember it like it was just 1,826 days ago…mainly because it was. On tomorrow's date in 2010, the House passed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. And what a collection of moments we saw...from blue dog Bart Stupak's grandstanding over abortion, to John Dingell
showing off his historic Medicare gavel, to the House leadership locking arms and walking through a canopy of teabaggers like the protagonists of
The Wizard of Oz skipping down the yellow brick road, to the hecklers that created
"mass hysteria" (Barney Frank's term), and finally the moment that nobody wanted to arrive because they were all having
so much darn fun: the
219-212 vote shortly before midnight. Tomorrow Democrats will mark the occasion with quiet reflection on a job well done and signups & savings that are above expectations. Republicans will mark the occasion by gnawing the bark off a tree.
JEERS to today's not-so-boring correction to our previous not-so-boring correction. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who from 2009 until last Sunday was a supporter of a two-state solution to peace with Palestine, but then changed his mind and became an
opponent of a two-state solution to peace with Palestine on the day before election day, is now once again a
supporter of a two-state solution to peace with Palestine. He regrets your immature response to his totally-not-politically-calculated error and promises not to do it again until just before the next election.
-
-
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Crazy conspiracy lady at a Rick Santorum forum asks: What kind of games is the Congress of the United States playing with the citizens of the United States?
Charades.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
-
-
JEERS to God's greedy grifters. Gotta love the conservative Rapture peddlers. They poop out the wackiest crapola…and then when it gets an ounce of traction among their gullible followers they start fighting over who owns the poo:
The end is nigh. Abandon all hope blah blah...
The “blood moons” phenomenon, which has touched off controversy about the end of the world, just got even more contentious with charges an American mega-pastor is hijacking the discovery of the anomaly in a movie debuting in theaters nationwide Monday. The blood moons tetrad is a mysterious astronomical occurrence discovered by a Seattle-area pastor who postulated beginning in 2008 that it might portend spiritually significant developments for Israel and the rest of the world because of its appearance on the biblical “feast” days of Passover and Tabernacles.
But, in a new movie called “Four Blood Moons,” San Antonio mega-pastor John Hagee, author of a New York Times bestselling book about the “blood moons phenomenon,” claims he is the discoverer.
Using the blood moon to predict the apocalypse? What a bunch of nutballs. Although I will admit, my Bacardi dwarf planet is kicking ass on my NCAA bracket.
CHEERS to strategic cutting and running. In a move that would've gotten him court-martialed by George W. Bush for "not finishing the job," on March 20, 1942, General Douglas MacArthur pulled out of the Philippines during World War II so his forces could live to fight the Japanese another day. His words made history: "I shall return." Not so historic were the words that followed: "Accelerator's on the right, Chumley. First hit the clutch...now give it some gas...a little more...great, now you've stalled, try it again. I swear, this is the last time I moonlight as a war zone driving instructor..."
The best hoops action happens here.
CHEERS to home vegetation. It's mud season here in Maine! That's all the excuse I need to park my butt in front of the TV this weekend. If you're a fan of
Glee, tonight's the grand finale at 8 on Fox. Later on HBO's
Real Time, Bill Maher hashes things out with Bob Costas, Gerald Posner, former Rep. Jack Kingston, Mercedes Schlapp and Christine Quinn. New
DVD releases include Ridley Scott's update of the Moses story,
Exodus: Gods and Kings and the remake of
Annie.
NCAA hoops will dominate sports, but there's also NBA action
here and the NHL schedule
is here. (The Bruins will "defang" the Panthers Ha Ha Ha!!!) SNL's another rerun, but John Oliver is back to shine more lights on more cockroaches Sunday on HBO's
Last Week Tonight. And here's your Sunday morning lineup. Please hold your applause until Aaron Schock discovers his humility:
Meet the Press: Dunno---their web updaters must be out in the parking lot passing around a doobie. Pisses me off. I'm never invited to join 'em.
Sunday morning on CNN.
This Week: Rep. Michael McCaul (R-TX); Mitt Romney remains in golden-throated post-2012-defeat damage control mode; astronaut twins Mark and Scott Kelly on their preparations for a major space study launching next week, plus NASA administrator Charles Bolden and former astronaut Buzz Aldrin; roundtable with assorted dimwits.
CNN's State of the Union: This week it's Gloria Borger's turn to babysit John McCain while Cindy goes shopping; Barney Frank promotes his book; roundtable with assorted nitwits.
Face the Nation: House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA); Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN); Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI); former NFL linebacker Chris Borland, who retired over concerns about the impact of…well, impacts; roundtable with assorted twits having hissy fits.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: CIA director and horrible human being John Brennan; former Romney campaign manager Matt Rhoades on his oppo-research outfit called America Sliming Rising; roundtable with assorted misfits.
Happy viewing!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: March 20, 2005
JEERS to meddling where you don't belong. GOP radicals in Congress crossed the line between the judicial and legislative branches tonight by playing politics (and God) with Terri Schiavo. Why? Because she's in a permanent vegetative state. And they always rally to protect one of their own.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to a happy Persian New Year! Hey, I'm a lover not a fighter, so I'll jump on the Obama bandwagon and join him in wishing the Iranian people a---[
Fires glitter cannon]---
Happy Nowruz! The president closes his message with the traditional, "Nowruzetan Pirooz," which loosely translated means, "Ignore our Republicans---they're nuts." (Admittedly,
very loosely.) It's a classy and important thing to do. I know it's a classy and important thing to do because the right-wingers always grind their teeth down to the nub over it---a sure sign that our side's doing something right. Also the reason why 4-out-of-5 dentists lean Democrat. They appreciate the business.
Have a great weekend! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-