From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Knot Tying 101
Tomorrow the Supreme Court hears arguments on the constitutionality of same-sex marriage. The religious conservatives are in full freakout mode, epitomized by likely Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee's assertion that, "If the courts rule that people have a civil right to have a homosexual marriage, then a homosexual couple coming to a pastor who believes in biblical marriage who says 'I can’t perform that wedding' will now be breaking the law.”
Funny thing. Whenever same-sex marriage becomes legal in a state---and today it's legal in 35 of them---the lines of couples who want to get hitched always form here:
A non-biblical government building. That means the lines are
not forming here:
Same thing applies to couples who want to get un-hitched, by the way. As with the decision to get married, the Bible may be consulted or prayed on to help justify splitting up. But a divorce, like a marriage, ain't legal until someone not holding a Bible in that not-a-church above
says it's legal.
So relax, Mike. Religious freedom is alive and well in America, and a favorable court ruling won’t change that a bit. Because if straight couples can't force a pastor to Bible-marry them, then neither can the gays. See? Equality is really a wonderful two-way street.
Here endeth the lesson. Bless your hearts.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, April 27, 2015
Note: As Digby says, The earth is angry, my friend. ShelterBox is sending a team to Nepal to help the earthquake victims. See TexMex's post here and give if you are able. Thanks.
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5 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Mother's Day:
13
Days 'til
Out! Raleigh in North Carolina:
5
Amount that the average family will shell out to send their kid to the prom this year:
$919
(Source: Visa-commissioned survey)
Number of viewers who tuned in to watch the Bruce Jenner interview on
20/20, giving the show the highest ratings since 2000:
17 million
(Source:
Variety)
2014 salary Walmart CEO Doug McMillon was forced to live on, down 24 percent because he didn’t hit his sales goals:
$19 million
Rank of Massachusetts, Maine and Virginia among largest Atlantic fishing states in terms of the value of the catch:
#1, #2, #3
(Source: Islandsbanki report)
Percent chance that David Petraeus should've been convicted of a felony and sent to prison instead of convicted of a misdemeanor and sentenced to probabtion:
100%
(Source: Lady Justice
with the blindfold on)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Table for two…
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CHEERS to the Guffawer-in-Chief. I may shake my tiny Billy fist at him for what he's doing with drone policy and TPP and surveillance, but I'll give the President all the credit in the world for his comic timing. Some zingers from Saturday night's White House Correspondents Dinner:
"Rick Santorum announced that he would not attend the same-sex wedding of a friend or loved one, to which gays and lesbians across the country responded: 'That's not going to be a problem.'"
"It's no wonder that people keep pointing out how the presidency has aged me. I look so old John Boehner’s already invited Benjamin Netanyahu to speak at my funeral."
"Just this week Michele Bachmann actually predicted that I would bring about the biblical End of Days. Now that's a legacy."
SNL's Cecily Strong then landed some punches of her own:
"I love Hobby Lobby. I bought a wicker basket to keep all my morning-after pills in."
"I'm not going to tell you politicians how to do politics. That would be like you guys telling me what to do with my body."
"The Secret Service: the only law enforcement agency that would get in trouble if a black man gets shot."
A good time was had by all, and all the pols and pundits in attendance had a great time laughing, eating, drinking, and comparing the size of the sticks up their asses.
JEERS to the great Bamboozlepalooza. Conservatives held their 331st formal gathering of 2015 over the weekend. They called it the "Faith and Freedom Summit." It was part tent revival, part trinket bazaar, part ice cream social and, when the Republican candidates for president showed up, a vetting zoo. Happily, there were no accidental shootings, but several people ended up in the hospital after eating Gladys Higginbotham's "famous" rhubarb pie. We're told it's famous mostly for sending people to the hospital.
P.S. Meanwhile there was a rally against gay marriage in D.C. over the weekend. The National Organization for Marriage managed to wring 1,200 people out of the entire country to attend. This was the most memorable image from it:
From the footage we saw, an angry-god time was had by all.
CHEERS to Union leaders. Happy 193rd birthday to #18, Ulysses S. Grant, the larger-than-life general who helped win the Civil War and then spent 8 shaky years as a crony-loving president. But at least he had this going for him (from the book Rating the Presidents):
Grant
[H]e kept his own religious values and practice to himself. In the larger view for the country, he believed in a strict separation of church and state, stating in his seventh annual message to Congress: "Declare church and state forever separate and distinct; but each free within their proper spheres."
Pay
your respects here. He's buried in someone's tomb…I forget whose.
CHEERS to Eric Holder. After months of delays over Loretta Lynch's confirmation, he gave his final farewell speech Friday, saying…
"I'm going to miss you.
I am going to miss this building.
I am going to miss this institution.
More than anything, I am going to miss you all."
He added, "Especially you, Scarecrow. I'm going to miss you mostest. And my stapler. And this lamp. I love lamp!!!" In case it needs to be said, there was an open bar.
JEERS to poopy pants. 50 years ago today, a patent was granted for Pampers disposable diapers. The sad part is, it's just a matter of time before I'll need them again.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 27, 2005
CHEERS to waking up and smelling...nothing. A new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time, half of the country now believes they were deliberately lied to by Bush on WMDs in Iraq. And with any luck they'll tell two friends. And they'll tell two friends. And so on...and so on...
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the original click bait. Thirty-four years ago today, Xerox introduced the 8010 Star "Dandelion", the first commercial computer system to use a mouse (correctly pronounced MOW-uss). We've been clicking our way into wrist braces ever since. But don't tell the pooties it wasn't created solely for their amusement...
They're very sensitive, you know.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Living In His Own Reality, Ted Cruz Files Constitutional Amendment To Ban Cheers and Jeers
---Think Progress
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