and all your previously decided priorities get tossed out.
Earlier this month my wife discovered a growth on the right rear leg of one of our three remaining rescued cats, Felicity, the shyest. She and her now deceased sister were feral, and probably quite inbred - and unusual, in being orange females. Both had health problems over the decade plus since they joined us. Both had had to have radiation therapy for hyperthyroidism. Her sister, Angelica, developed kidney cancer and we had to say goodbye to here.
We took Felicity in to see our long-time (since 1982) vet Steve Rogers. He was pretty sure it was a cancer, but arranged for some testing. When the results came back we went to see him. We were referred to a very good veterinary oncologist at the Hope Center in Vienna, which has cancer, surgery, etc., and a 24 hour emergency service that we have had to use on more than one occasion, last rushing there with Cielito, who was laboring from an undiagnosed congenital heart disease that took his life before I could drive the five miles.
A week ago yesterday we had our first visit with the oncologist, Dr. Beck, some preliminary testing was done, and on the basis of that we arranged to bring Felicity back this past Monday, leaving her all day, having kept her from food from the midnight before. More tests and a biopsy were done. We knew there was a cancer, we did not know what kind, we did not know if it had spread beyond the tumor which totally encircled her leg.
Please keep reading.
When I picked Felicity up Monday afternoon, they had done a biopsy, we were given some medication to try to give to her - we had never before been able to pill her. They gave her a starter pill.
The next day, Tuesday, we could not catch her - she is very good at making herself invisible, or if she thinks you are going to grab her, she quickly darts into some inaccessible place in the house - she knows them all.
But last night my wife got her. I held her as Leaves attempted to pill her. Felicity reacted violently, and I have the claw marks to show it. But that was not the issue.
Suddenly I realized I was covered in blood, and it was not mine.
There was a lot of blood coming from her leg. Our first reaction was that we had to get back to the Clinic, to the emergency ward.
Knowing that treatment for cancer was going to be expensive, we had already set up an account that would allow us to charge and not pay interest, only principal, for up to six months. We had used most of that line of credit for Monday's test.
But money was not going to be a bar. I grabbed my checkbook, and off to the clinin we drove.
Eventually the emergency room vet came out to talk with us. The tumor had partially burst,, her red blood cell count was down, and she was dehydrated. They needed to keep her overnight to stabilize her, they were going to coordinate with the oncologist in the morning.
We got home from the emergency clinic after 1 AM this morning. Today is still Thursday.
I got very little sleep.
I was waiting to be called.
I was distracted while attempting to teach, and as we discussed events in nearby Baltimore I did not give my students enough room to offer their own thoughts, for which when I next see them I will apologize, although I explained what was going on and even my most boisterous class was willing to dial things back a bit.
Multiple conversations with the vet.
Calling the company for the line of credit to increase to as much as they were willing to go.
Unfortunately, we do not have health insurance on our cats, and given existing conditions could not have been able to get it for the past few years.
I apologize if this is disjointed, but I am still feeling the stress, and since 4:30 AM Wednesday I have still had less than 4 hours of sleep, and cannot sleep now.
We explored all the options.
Tentatively, Felicity's leg will be removed tomorrow morning, IF they can get her temperature down (she has been given antibiotics), she is rehydrated. They may have to transfuse her before they amputate. The best judgment is that the cancer, a plasma cell cancer, has not spread beyond the leg, but even if it has, it is likely to be some months before any other tumors would appear.
I said priorities have changed.
We have maxed out our credit.
We have cashed in what little savings we had.
We are cutting back on expenditures for ourselves.
We are turning to family for assistance, as in the past some of them have turned to us.
Leaves is prepared if necessary to cash in some of her retirement savings, knowing we would take a penalty (she is not 59.5).
We know we will be giving no political contributions.
We will not be eating out.
Because our highest priority, other than to each other, is to keep our three remaining rescued kitties alive and happy as long as they want to be with us.
We consider ourselves lucky, even blessed.
Both of us have had health issues in recent years. Obviously her own blood cancer has taken a toll on Leaves and on me and certainly on our finances.
I had a health scare just over a year ago when people thought I was having a stroke - after extensive tests they could not come up with a definite diagnosis in the hospital, but in retrospect it is clear that i was having a series of ocular migraines, which are now very infrequent, and I have been able to determine that the most likely trigger is a combination of stress and dehydration.
Please note - in describing everything we are informing, not asking for assistance.
I am sharing as I shared about my wife because I know this is a community that is caring. When people are truly in need the generosity here is amazing.
For us, for our priorities, we will do what is necessary to care for our kitties. They are our family. They have enriched our lives for many years. They have comforted us. How could we not care for them, regardless of the costs incurred?
We can drive more slowly, so that we use less gas.
We can take routes that avoid tolls.
Starbucks will become the exception, and our Keurig will get more use.
We will only wear clothes we can wash ourselves, not dry clean, except for special occasions.
I can be quite creative in making meals inexpensively, and it probably helps that I had largely given up meat and beer.
Realizing that as our beloved felines age and have health problems, we may not have that much longer with them, our priorities of time change as well. LionEl, our senior (at 16) kitty has survived what is the equivalent of a minor stroke, and he now has cataracts in both eyes. He can still climb up stairs, and with a step stool get on a bed to join us, but he is reluctant to go down, because on occasion he falls. So we watch out, pick him up and carry him. We already have to give him saline solution subcutaneously every 3-4 days. If he wants to cuddle, on or next to one of us, that takes priority over almost anything else. Perhaps I will lie on the floor with the TV on so he can curl up with his head on my arm or my chest.
In the past few weeks I have been reflecting on priorities. I will on May 23 turn 69. I know I am not returning to my current school - I simply cannot teach effectively when I have to drive 45 miles each way. As of now I do not have another job, although in theory there is a school that has said it is there intent to hire me. I have contracted for two three week sessions organized by the Center for Talented Youth. Ironically, the first three week session is based in Baltimore and involves adolescents in Community Development projects. Tonight as I drove back from prepaying the bill at the veterinary facility I wondered if some parents might decide not to sent their children to that session? I actually think this will be a uniquely valuable experience.
What if I don't get another teaching job? I have to acknowledge that many people might be reluctant to hire someone of my age, although I certainly look and act younger than I am. I usually have to show ID to get discounts offered to Senior Citizens (and the Hope Center gives me ten percent, which helps immensely when your bills are already past $7,000). I can always work at the Barnes and Noble three miles and two metro stops away from our home (and as a senior I get a discount on Metro) and/or walk to my local Starbucks and learn how to be a Barista. That would enable us to get rid of one of the two cars... there are options.
We have already decided that if we had to we would sell the house, get rid of or store some possessions, and move into an apartment to enable our kids - aka our felines - to live out the rest of their lives until they are ready to move on. They will tell us when it is time.
As I write these words, I realize that Felicity may decide after her leg is removed that she is ready to move on. We will not regret in the least having spent the time, energy and money we have recently. It will be her choice, and it will be a choice.
I sometimes wonder how many more years I will have. I want my life to be of value.
In the past few weeks, in the past few days, especially in the past approximately 23 hours since our crisis with Felicity escalated, I found a different sense of purpose, I re-imagined what it means to be of value.
Not just me. Leaves did as well.
We are at peace with the actions we have taken.
We are comfortable with our priorities as they now are.
Peace.