Today is the last day I will be attending my church. I have been there since 2007 when my father died and have attended regularly since about 2010 when my brother became too ill to drive mama to church. I took over and stayed with her thru the services and became active. But my time there is over. I don't know why, but I am now drawn to moving on. Whatever I was supposed to do and learn there is done now. I can feel it. I have been saying goodbye to those to whom I have become very close. There have been tears between me and some of them, much to my extreme surprise. One gentleman told me he always looks to the back pew, the last seat to see if I am there, that my laugh makes him laugh too. The other surprise is the insistence of many that I come for the activities I have always done with them, especially the sorting group where i have become very close to all those ladies. The fun we have, trying to guess what some of the donated items are, wearing plastic tiaras we found in a party supply donation, sharing quilt and cooking tips. I thought twice about how I would miss those ladies but I guess it isn’t like leaving the Amish; I will not be shunned. That makes me feel better.
I am not religious, I am not a believer. But I am a joiner and a doer. There has been work for me at this church and that kept me coming. I have made friends who have pointed out paths forward, stepping stones I would have missed without their guidance. And I have been a liberal voice in the minority, speaking up for gay rights and the president. They have listened to me as someone they know and care for; it has given my words more power to persuade. Perhaps that’s why I was moved to be there all these years. I don’t know. But I do know, I am moving on.
This song says a lot of how I feel but I must admit, the Devil is not my savior. To believe in the Devil is to have to necessarily believe in God. I am a follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and have been touched by His noodly appendage. Can I get R'amen?
Update: I just got home from church. The congregation gave me a beautiful huge book of The Gospels and Acts, hand written and illuminated by Donald Jackson. It is a lovely book with heartfelt expressions of love to me from them. Ah, how sweet!