I am sincerely interested in attacking the obvious rampant racism in this country. I am tired of reading about people dying because they were driving while black, walking while black, shopping while black, in the park while black, sitting in front of home while black, and on and on and on. I am angry that people I know and love, and people I don't know and love, need to have "the talk" with their children and that talk doesn't begin with condoms. I know the question in this title sounds aggressive and whiny, but I mean it sincerely. What do you want from me? What can I, a lily white middle class older woman, do to help you get your message out and help you get the action you need?
I am not alone in wondering this. Some of my friends are asking the same question. And like so many white people, I am not conditioned to hear the dog whistles. I don't understand some of the things that are hurtful to you. Sometimes, I may be hurtful to you, but if you tell me, I will stop whatever you tell me it was that I did. The problem is, I want to be part of the solution, or at least not be part of the problem, but I don't know what specific action on my part would help you.
Because I am not always aware, I am afraid whatever I do might create mixed messages. I certainly don't want to expend my energy on stuff that you already know is ineffective. You have been at this for a long time, so you already have a body of knowledge in this regard.
Don't just tell me that I don't get it. I know, some things I don't get. I have never had to worry about my kids going downtown because of their skin color. I have never been afraid that a cop would shoot first and ask questions later for that reason. By living close to work, I have lived in a pretty middle class but certainly almost all white neighborhood (although that is changing).
But some things I do kinda get, either because of experience, observation or anecdote. I do remember that there were 3 black kids in my high school who tried to act as white as possible in order to fit in, and the young woman told me how hard that was. I remember that when we went to the store together, she would be followed. When I remarked on that, she said, "yes, and if I wasn't with you, I would be searched when I leave." We talked about that, and she said, "what you don't get is that you can choose not to be followed by not being with a black person when you go to the store. I can't choose not to be followed, because I am always with a black person, because I AM that black person." And that hit home.
I don't understand what it is like to be the victim of violence, but I do understand what it is like to be verbally bullied on a daily basis. I was the class target in that regard. I know how it feels. And while I was never physically attacked, I knew a couple target boys who were weekly victims of the rest of the boys trying to prove that their testosterone was working. I saw their pain and I felt my pain. So I do understand that. I know it doesn't compare, but I can extrapolate and multiply by factors.
Because I had learned what it means to not be accepted, I was passionate about the LGBT rights. I still am. There is more to do for LGBT. But finally, step one is accomplished. But, As Ferguson and Treyvon and Baltimore and Sandra and on and on and on have been teaching me, right now, my main energy needs to be with my AA, Hispanic and Native American friends (and Arab). Not just the friends who I know or who know I exist, but any who are in this country. My energy needs to focus on whatever is needed to ensure that a black mother can send her children off to school or out into the world and know the probability of them coming home safely is the same as it is for a white mother. To ensure that her children's chances of a good education followed by an equal chance at a good job are protected. To ensure that an AA President will be treated with the respect he as a person as well as his office deserve.
So I ask you, and I ask you sincerely, what do you need from me?