Giving a diary from the phone a try. So, here's my thoughts on accentuating the positive.
My last diaries were posted when Eric and I were together, working full time and living at the Extended Stay Hotel. He moved out & kept Sasha (the bastard) and accepted Nietzsche. He grew difficult to contact over more than a year.
Then the shit hit the fan, he moved and asked me to return Nietzsche (now reactive) to the rescue. I did not. Still working full time and living at the Extended Stay Hotel, things went fine until I was laid off. That was just about when Eric told me to stop contacting him. He'd moved on. Except when I emailed about Nietzsche when I became homeless, I have respected his request.
But I still had unemployment, severance and a nearby part time job. This continued for over a year. Yeah, I wanted to move, but where could I go without a decent income? I could count the number of replies I received to applications on one hand.
Then my part time job boss decided to "step back, make some plans and take nose work another direction." That meant get rid of me and let the head trainer (who had sat in on 3 years of my classes for free) teach classes that had almost the precise syllabus my classes had.
So I taught some drop in "roaming" classes for a bit and hit my 401-K. That kept me going... I got a new part time job - unfortunately, nearly 40 miles south west, but working as an employee and not as a contractor.
But, especially after the first facility "went another direction" I started to shut down. I went outside only when Nietzsche required it. I ached - my legs, my feet, my back. I stayed in my room, air conditioner set as low as possible, reading job emails and spending hours on facebook or watching Amazon Premium videos.
I knew I was depressed, but too f*&$ing bad. I still stayed in the room, hurting, reading Kindle books on my iPad, watching tv and videos, sleeping bizarre hours. This is how broken I was... in December I passed out and clonked my head on a door jam, waking up in a little pool of blood. I wrapped a towel around my head and went to bed until the next morning, when I asked a wonderful friend to take me to an urgent care - where I was sent to an E.R. for a CAT scan & staples and stitches. Because of that and Obama, I now have medical insurance.
But I still stayed in my room. Until I couldn't do that anymore.
Since becoming homeless, I have been "up and about" from at least 7 am to 7 pm. I usually spend a couple of early morning hours reading in a park (Costaldo Park in Woodridge is a favorite) then either attend Employment Group at PADS Center or go to a library to job search and catch up with friends.
I'm still depressed, but I'm not shut down. I'm actually thinking about getting in touch with some mental health resources through the county health department... but I feel so much stronger than I did a month ago, it seems like kind of a waste.
So, that's the news from the homeless in Costaldo Park in Woodridge ... because the libraries are closed for Labor Day.
© 2015 sheddhead – not to be used without written consent of the author, unless quoting portions of this diary on DailyKos, with links back to the original quotation