My platelets were up this past week, They came up to a 48 on Thursday after being a 47 on Tuesday. I was happy they went up, but I was looking for something in the 50's to help me get to and past the 60 mark and reach the 100 mark. I'm only going to be satisfied when my platelets reach and stabilize in the 100's.
I saw the gastroenterologist this week and there was a cover doctor as opposed to my regular doctor, who called later, but I didn't get to speak to her. She left a message and is concerned about my weight loss and water loss because of the diuretics they've been giving me. I'm going to have to reach out to her at the beginning of the week. But I think she doesn't want me to lose too much weight too fast.
Finally, I saw the oncologist this week as well and her news could've been better. I had what is known as Induction chemotherapy during my first hospital stay. During my second hospital stay, they started what's call Consolidation chemotherapy which didn't go so well and had to be stopped due to complications. They've been waiting for my liver enzymes to recover before starting Maintenance therapy. I expect to start Maintenance therapy in three to four weeks which will be monitored closely by both the oncologist and gastroenterologist and this is where things get complicated. Maintenance is supposed to last 3 years but if my liver can't handle the medications they give me then all the chemo meds will be stopped and we just wait and see what happens without treatment.
When the doctor told me this I felt like someone pulled the rug out from under me, I was dazed and confused. It wasn't news I was expecting and still it needed to be processed. The doctor talked about how my liver made treatment difficult because all the studies that had been done with leukemia patients who did not have liver problems. She said that I was unique, I really wouldn't have minded being normal right then, and that I was a clinical study of one. I felt scared and alone again, just like I did the day I was diagnosed. For most of Thursday, I was right back to that gut wrenching feeling of being the one who had leukemia and dealing with the final outcome by myself. Then I realized that's the way it's always been, me, the leukemia and the final outcome. I have a great support system so even though it took some time, they got me to look at this situation from a different point of view. I started thinking that when and if the doctors can't do any more for me then I become completely responsible for my health but I've always been completely responsible for my health.
What does this all mean in the grand scheme of things? I've been eating better than I ever have in my adult life with the occasional slip up here and there, but now there will be no more slip ups. Eating healthy has to be a priority. Sleep and rest have to be a priority too. I'm sitting here writing this update/blog post and it is way past midnight and that can't happen anymore, I should've been in bed hours ago. There are other aspects of my life that will have to change as well. Aspects where I'll have to be more rigorous and hold myself accountable. It's my life It's always been my life and I choose where I go!"