Original Title: I've been watching CNN for two minutes and I've already poured myself a whisky.
They've spent most of the time talking about Donald Trump's twitter account, and are pretending to be surprised that his live-tweeting is getting so much attention when CNN are the ones giving him that attention. Apparently posting shit on twitter is going to totally derail the democratic debate. Because Twitter is something extremely important that actually matters, rather than a social media website where we collectively scream into the void. And sometimes organize protests and political actions, but it's mostly screaming into the void.
So I look forward to a debate full of stupid and inane questions. I expect one of the Moderators to eventually ask the candidates what they think happened to #MH370, and whether it might have been aliens. Expect a question about something Donald Trump tweeted.
Currently they're in a lounge full of millenials talking about how young people have lots of red bull to keep them going.
I hate CNN.
Now I remember why I haven't watched them at all since the last time they held a presidential debate, and why I won't be watching them until the next one.
They're now asking about Hillary Clinton's soul.
Her soul.
Now they're advising her to have a foible or two, because if she's too polished, it will be somehow bad for her.
CNN, you are a shambles, and I despise you.
4:34 PM PT: REJOICE!
Anderson Cooper just announced that he would NOT be asking questions from Donald Trump during the debate tonight! I'm glad that not everyone working for CNN is a showboating douchecanoe.
I'm going to hold him to that promise.
5:05 PM PT: NO!
NO!
NONONONONONO!
Anderson Cooper: Don Lemon will be bringing us your questions from facebook.
5:37 PM PT: Well, the debate is starting.
I kind of want to throw a shoe at the lady in the yellow dress for totally misrepresenting progressive criticism of Bernie Sanders.
I like sanders, but the economic criticism coming from myself and my MMT friends has to do with him not actually understanding Modern Money Theory. Which I can blog about later. I actually promised someone I would if our resident expert doesn't do so in a reasonable amount of time.
Now that's not a negative, I still love Bernie, and I love him as much as I love Clinton. I'm undecided between the two of them.
But talking about Sanders' economics being unrealistic so completely misses the point that she and Cheney would make good hunting partners.
In any case, the debate is starting, and with a reclisted diary, I may as well liveblog it.
5:38 PM PT: This CNN Debate intro is so cringeworthy I think I just cracked a tooth.
5:43 PM PT: Well. That was the national anthem.
NOW FOR THE ADVERTISEMENTS!
5:46 PM PT: Yes, they did really call it the CNN Facebook democratic debate.
5:48 PM PT: Sorry Governor Chaffee, but I'm already asleep.
5:49 PM PT: "I'm proud that after 30 years of service, I've had no scandals."
That's a pretty low bar, Lincoln.
Webb is up.
5:51 PM PT: I've met Webb personally, and voted for him when living in Virginia. I like the guy. He spoke at my college graduation. Compared to other speeches he's given, he sounds here like he's just downed a bottle of Ambien.
5:53 PM PT: Okay, I need to say that I also like Martin O'Malley, but the man is wearing so much makeup right now that I have a powerful urge to wash his face.
5:57 PM PT: Sanders just rocked his intro, highlighting the gap between the 99% and the 1%, and outlining the deep, legal, corruption that affects the US government. He also highlighted climate change.
"Instead of funding more jails and funding more incarceration, maybe we should be funding more jobs for our kids."
6:00 PM PT: Clinton's intro is pitch perfect, dealing with taxes for the rich, lower taxes for the middle class. She hits on paid family leave, LGBT rights, a higher minimum wage and profit sharing.
6:00 PM PT: And now it's back in CNN's hands, I may become upset.
6:02 PM PT: CNN doesn't appear to know the difference between what someone says as the president's employee, and what someone says as a private citizen. Her answer was perfect, though. "I'm capable of absorbing new information."
6:03 PM PT: RAWR SCARY SOCIALISM!
6:05 PM PT: Sanders responds really well to a ridiculous attack on Socialism. While he had a bit of a stumble, his answers are fantastic.
6:06 PM PT: Clinton talks about saving capitalism from itself.
Socialism doesn't mean destroying markets, Hill.
6:09 PM PT: Okay, since Lincoln's being boring, I want to say this.
Communism means getting rid of capitalism.
Socialism means making market systems and capitalist systems work to enrich all of us, instead of just the few. Socialism is industrial democracy, socialism is collective ownership - not state ownership - of companies.
It doesn't mean that the government owns everything.
6:10 PM PT: Martin O'Malley, I'm sorry, but I just don't trust you when it comes to race relations with the police in Baltimore.
6:12 PM PT: God damnit Jim Webb, the issues affecting poor whites, and their common struggles with people of color are too fucking important for your bumbling answer on the topic.
6:13 PM PT: Oh, Bernie, third person, no.
6:14 PM PT: Damnit, Bernie, most mass shooters don't involve mental illness.
6:16 PM PT: Bernie, you really have no place calling anyone else shouty.
6:25 PM PT: Bernie, the worst FP decision in American History was toppling the democratic government if Iran, but with that exception, I agree with a lot of what you just said.
6:26 PM PT: Oh Hai Dana.
6:30 PM PT: "Assad's invasion of Syria."
Martin, Assad is the fucking dictator of Syria.
6:37 PM PT: I'm having trouble responding to the recent pingpong contest that has touched on China, Syria, Russia, and Libya.
We're bouncing around so damned quickly...
6:38 PM PT: Fuck you Anderson.
Sanders' conscientious objector status is not a debate topic, and I applaud Webb for his defense of that choice,
6:39 PM PT: Huge Webb/Sanders love fest right now.
6:44 PM PT: So now that we're at half time, because this is a sporting event, and that's why we sang the national anthem, it seems like Sanders and Clinton are neck and neck. I'm leaning a bit towards Clinton right now over both Foreign Policy and Gun Policy.
6:46 PM PT: I just saw Stop Hillary PAC's absolutely craven ad on Benghazi, which showed an image of Ambassador Stephen's grave. I'm furious.
6:46 PM PT: Fuck the e-mail scandal.
You know who had shit leaked to Wikileaks? The state department. You know who didn't? Hillary Clinton's servers.
6:48 PM PT: Thank you Bernie!
"The American People are Sick and Tired about hearing about your damned emails."
6:49 PM PT: "Enough of the emails."
6:51 PM PT: Lincoln ranted about the emails.
"Senator Clinton do you want to respond?"
"No"
Fucking class.
6:52 PM PT: "Do black lives matter or do all lives matter."
Bernie: Black Lives Matter.
6:52 PM PT: I may have underestimated Don Lemon.
6:53 PM PT: O'malley: Black Lives Matter.
6:53 PM PT: They asked Clinton a different question. They didn't ask her if Black Lives Matter.
6:55 PM PT: Jim Webb: All Lives Matter.
7:00 PM PT: For once I agree with O'Malley. Reinstate Glass Steagall.
7:01 PM PT: Stop it with the third person stuff, Bernie.
7:01 PM PT: Agree with the bank breakup though.
7:02 PM PT: Clinton wants to jail the bastards, which I also agree with. "If you only look at the big banks you're missing the forest for the trees."
7:10 PM PT: Oh hai again, Dana.
7:11 PM PT: Clinton, sorry, but you're losing me on student debt.
7:17 PM PT: On immigration:
Sanders is right about why he voted against reform.
Webb is nuts.
7:19 PM PT: I like "Carnival Barker" in reference to Trump.
I like it less than douchecanoe, but I still like it.
7:22 PM PT: Fuck yes Bernie Sanders for talking about CORPORATE surveillance too!
7:24 PM PT: ... Weirdly, I agree with Lincoln Chafee on Snowden.
7:33 PM PT: So Lincoln's one progressive unity moment was on snowden.
Clinton and Sanders have each given me one answer which disappointed/surprised me. Sanders on Snowden, and Clinton on Student Loans.
Webb has lost a lot of respect from me tonight.
When he's right, he's bumbling.
Clinton and Sanders are still tied in my mind,
And we're back.
7:36 PM PT: Errr... none of the people with you on stage tonight are Billionaires. Millionaires yes.
7:41 PM PT: ATTN: Mainstream Media.
NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT CARLY FIORINA.
Sincerely,
Everyone
7:43 PM PT: Fuck Yeah, Hillary Clinton, for defending Planned Parenthood and a woman's right to choose.
7:56 PM PT: Listing enemies.
Chaffee: Coal Industry
O'Malley: The NRA
Clinton: Everyone, the Iranians, and mostly the Republicans.
Sanders: Wall Street
Jim Webb: THE MAN I KILLED IN VIETNAM.
Webb, I respect you, but you scare the everliving fuck out of me.
8:02 PM PT: Closing Statements:
Chaffee is cringeworthy, Webb is moderately moderate, O'Malley is constipated, correct, but unfortunately boring, Sanders is shouty but otherwise perfect, Clinton is compelling.
8:06 PM PT: Straw poll of the people in the room:
I am still undecided between Clinton and Sanders.
One undecided is a Clinton supporter now.
One sanders supporter flipped to Clinton.
This is entirely scientific. Lawl.
It was a fantastic debate, and I look forward to more in the future. This is me signing off, because it's Whisky Time. Goodnight!