A few days ago, in the comment section of a diary, a Kos member spoke of the recent loss of his father. Another member lost all civility and the gist of his reply was how he couldn't care less at the loss. He was deservedly hidden. One reply to this insensitive remark was from yet another member who relayed the horror of the very recent passing of his father... I messaged him my condolences. And he replied, after a thank you, that his father was the last of his family and that his parents and siblings are all gone. That at the moment, his grief was/is close to incapacitating... Though it has been a few years, the grief from the loss of my own father and one of my sisters came surging back as if it were yesterday... This is for this brother, the other brother with the same loss.. the bereaved of the numerous diaries written very recently and finding comfort in this community as they write of their loss of parent, spouse, child, beloved pet, dear friend... and every person who is going through the grief of a loss of a loved one, be it recently, or in years past.
If the words at times sounds familiar, they have been heard, the same thoughts expressed, many times... spoken before Kaddish in the temple, or in corresponding services in the church, mosque and ashram... and resonating from the heart.
Welcome, fellow travelers on the grief journey
and a special welcome to anyone new to The Grieving Room.
We meet every Monday evening.
Whether your loss is recent, or many years ago;
whether you've lost a person, or a pet;
or even if the person you're "mourning" is still alive,
("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time),
you can come to this diary and say whatever you need to say.
We can't solve each other's problems,
but we can be a sounding board and a place of connection.
Unlike a private journal
here, you know: your words are read by people who
have been through their own hell.
There's no need to pretty it up or tone it down..
It just is.
Our thoughts turn to those who have departed this earth: our own loved ones, those whom our friends and neighbors have lost, the martyrs of our people, and those of every race and nation whose lives have been a blessing to humanity. As we remember them, let us meditate on the meaning of love and loss, of life and death.
The contemplation of death should plant within the soul elevation and peace. Above all, it should make us see things in their true light. For all things which seem foolish in the light of death are really foolish in themselves. To be annoyed because someone has slighted us or has been somewhat more successful in social distinctions — how ridiculous all this seems when we couple it with the thought of death.
To pass each day simply and solely in the eager pursuit of money and fame, this also seems like living with shadows when one might take one's part with realities. Surely when death is at hand we should desire to say, "I have contributed my grain to the great store of the eternal. I have borne my part in the struggle for goodness." And let no man or woman suppose that the smallest social act of goodness is wasted for society at large. All our help, whatever it be, is needed; and though we know not the manner, the fruit of every faithful service is gathered in. Let the true and noble words of a great teacher ring in conclusion upon our ears; "The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts, and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life and rest in unvisited tombs."
When cherished ties are broken, and the chain of love is shattered, only trust and the strength of faith, and the love sent by all of us, can lighten the heaviness of the heart. At times, the pain of separation seems more than we can bear; but love and understanding can help us pass through darkness towards the light.
Out of affliction, the Psalmist learned the law of God. And in truth, grief is a great teacher when it sends us back to serve and bless the living. We learn how to counsel and comfort those who, like ourselves, are bowed with sorrow. We learn when to keep silent in their presence, and when a word will assure them of our love and concern.
Thus, even when they are gone, the departed are with us, moving us to live as, in their highest moments, they themselves wished to live. We remember them now; they live in our hearts; they are an abiding blessing.
It is hard to sing of oneness when our world is not complete, when those who once brought wholeness to our lives have gone, and naught but memory can fill the emptiness their passing leaves behind.
But memory can tell us only what we were, in company with those we loved; it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become. Yet no one is really alone; those who live no more, echo still within our thoughts and words, and what they did is part of what we have become.
We do our best homage to our dead when we live our lives most fully, even in the shadow of our loss. For each of our lives is worth the life of the whole world; in each one is the breath of the Ultimate One. In affirming the One, we affirm the worth of each one whose life, now ended, brought us closer to the Source of life, in whose unity no one is alone and every life has purpose.
Life is finite. Like a candle, it burns, it glows, it is radiant with warmth and beauty; then it fades; its substance is consumed, and it is no more.
In light we see; in light we are seen. The flames dance and our lives are full. But as night follows day, the candle of our lives burns down and gutters. There is an end to the flames. We see no more and are no more seen. Yet we do not despair, for we are more then a memory slowly fading in the darkness. With our lives,we give life. Something of us can never die: we move in the eternal cycle of darkness and death, of light and life.
However brief may be our time on earth, O God, you endow our fleeting days with abiding worth. Fill us with trust in ourselves, trust in our brother and trust in You, and turn us again to the tasks of life. And may the memory of our loved ones inspire us to continue their work and to strengthen our own.
We now recall the loved ones whom death has recently taken from us... And as we remember those who died at this season in years past, we take them into our hearts with our own... In this moment of memory, our griefs and sympathies are mingled. We miss you. We love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.