In about 45 minutes my whole world completely changed. And I need to hold on to what I learned.
I’ve been fortunate. I have a day job and can work online from home. Around noon, I had to defrost my car that was covered in a thick sheet of ice, in order to move it into a parking garage. Around 5pm the lights in my apartment started flickering, the refrigerator shut off, my laptop connection disappeared and the heat swished to a halt. The Eastern storm had arrived and the power was gone. But, I had my cell phone and went to check the news. That’s when I saw I had only a 4% charge left. Damn it! Why didn’t I leave it plugged in and charging! It was starting to get dark and I realized I had no candles or flashlights. I was in a transient apartment while my house was being rebuilt after a flood. Now I had a 3% phone charge. I contacted my supervisor by phone— didn’t want her to think I just blew the afternoon off. Her reply? “No worries, stay warm.”
My mother is in assisted living, so I called to make sure they had heat and back up generators. I’m now down to 1% charge. My daughter’s safe in Arizona, so I called my brother 30 miles away. He said the roads had iced and there have been thousands of car accidents with people stranded all over NC. “Don't drive.” Boom. Zero charge—no phone. And there I was, in the dark, with no heat and temperatures dropping below freezing outside. I had no way to communicate online or by phone, no way to call the electric company or watch the news to find out how long it might last. Barely any food in the refrigerator and with no heat, the water/pipes would most likely freeze. Panic now set in. A few people in the hall said power was out in the whole neighborhood.
It was then that I realized how dependent I’d become and how I took for granted food, water, shelter, heat, electricity and a means of travel. It was then that I realized I have warm clothing, a car, a house being repaired, a good job with a great boss, my health, my friends, my family… and I can take a hot bath/shower to my heart’s desire. And it was then I thought about the people out there, right now, who have nothing, are freezing, hungry, fatigued and desperate. I was reminded of the people who struggle hand to mouth, every day just to get by—and sometimes just to survive.
That’s when the electricity popped back on. One, two, three, all my luxuries returned. I felt happy, I felt relieved, I felt selfish and I felt ashamed, because although I help others here and there, and although I know I can’t save the world—I can do more than I do. Much more. It’s my turn to give, maybe even until it hurts. And that’s fine, because in my life I have learned that when I give, I receive tenfold. Funny how that works. Ironically, one of the first things I saw when I got back online was the this meme:
So back to the title’s question, “What the hell am I doing? Not enough—and that’s about to change.
(Special thanks to Dale M. for encouraging me to share this story.)