Note: Since I started writing this post, Ms. Steinem has walked back some her remarks. Unfortunately, Secretary Clinton has dug her heels in even deeper.
Dear Ms. Albright and Ms. Steinem,
I entirely understand you supporting Secretary Clinton for President. What I don't understand is how you can insist that all women back her simply because she is a woman. And, if we don't, we are somehow guilty of betraying the feminist cause. Perhaps you both have a different idea of what feminism means than I do. To me, feminism means being for women. I am sure that much we can agree upon. Where I differ is that it is not about blindly being for someone just because they happen to be a woman. Nor would I be for a man simply because he's a man.
I try to evaluate a person as a whole. What do I like about them? What do I dislike about them? If I feel I have more in common with one person over another, that is who I vote for.
You say, Ms. Albright, that there is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. In other words, if I don't support Hillary Clinton for president, I will rot in some fiery place for all eternity. Let me tell you something. I've been through the DCFS wringer three times. I've face having to cash out my IRAs and pension to save our house. I've undergone cancer treatment. I've been through hell. The prospect of returning there no longer frightens me.
Furthermore, you've got it backwards. Women like me who have never had any power, shouldn't be asked to help powerful and influential women like Hillary Clinton. Women from the establishment and in positions of power and authority should be helping those of us who don't. I do not intend to paint women who have made it with a broad brush. However, based upon my experience, I have been more pushed down by powerful women than lifted up. Throughout my life I have been subdued by "mean girls" more so than ever given a helping hand. More often than not, it has been men who have showed me that generosity and who have mentored and nurtured me.
Back in the mid '80s, I taught at several community colleges. One of the colleges was Daley College where my father was the chairman of the Data Processing Department. I felt honored to be there, albeit teaching in the English Department. I didn't expect any special treatment from my department chair, except that I had hoped that my dad being well known there would give me an edge. I was determined, however, to gain a full-time position based on my own merits. I didn't believe in pressing a sense of entitlement. I wrote a lesson on paraphrasing versus using quotes in a term paper that became part of the PLATO programs. I also kept office hours and encouraged students to see me about papers they were writing.
Despite my dedication, my department chair, who was a woman, did not see fit to put my name forward for a full-time position. She chose to promote a man instead. I felt outraged and went to see her. Her main excuse was that she didn't want to show me any favoritism given my dad's position. I wasn't asking for any favoritism. I was asking for an opportunity based upon my own hard work.
Earlier that year I finally found out the outcome of a grievance against me at another community college. The student complained about the grade I gave him. The dean, another woman, assured me that she would have my back. But, in the end, she sided with the student. She didn't even do me the courtesy of calling me and telling me the outcome. I had to call her. Not only did she not have my back, but she actually yelled at me, essentially telling me what a terrible teacher and person I was. Turned out that the young man's father donated to the college, and she did not want to alienate him. She changed the grade from a C to a B. I never got a chance to defend myself.
When I worked as a legal proofreader, the women bosses were often quite nasty. The male bosses, in contrast, were approachable. One time our manager called me and this other woman up to her desk. Through some miscommunication, my piece had been left undone. She told the two of us, "next time it'll be your job." It was more laughable than something to be genuinely concerned about, but that did not negate the fact that she had a very intimidating presence.
When I was a young woman in my early twenties, I joined NOW. When a friend of mine was struggling to find a job as a corporate interior designer, I suggested she call NOW's Chicago office. They were indifferent to her stories of discrimination. The only one who helped her at least prove her point was a male attorney at this law firm where she worked as a temporary office worker. That was the beginning of my disillusionment with NOW.
A few years later when I decided to attend NOW's 25th anniversary convention, I was entirely alone. Not a single woman approached me or behaved towards me in a friendly manner. If I hadn't had family in New York, I would have felt very lonely. I learned that talk about sisterhood was just that. Talk.
I also experienced antisemitism expressed by a woman who, like me, was attending a panel discussion between American Jewish women and Palestinians. When she stood up and blamed "the Jewish media," it was the Palestinian journalist who attempted to correct her. I was shocked. I had experienced antisemitism since I was a kid, but, the last place I expected it was in a gathering of feminists. One good thing came from me attending that conference. The prejudice I had held against Palestinians fell away. The women on that panel showed me that we had more in common than not. They reached through to my sense of compassion and empathy, and, for that, I will always be grateful. But that woman who commented from the audience reminded me that sisterhood was more of an illusion than fact.
Because of all of these experiences, I have been more wary of women than not. Whoever said that girls were made of "sugar and spice and everything nice" never knew real girls. Never knew the competitiveness. Never experienced their judgments. Never experienced their pettiness. Never knew the girls who grew up to become smug and self-righteous women.
And that brings me to you, Ms. Steinem. Not only are you a feminist icon, but you have always been a hero to me. Someone to look up to. I was not only disappointed to hear you make this tone deaf statement:
<a href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNF0y1hhjzY”>but I was appalled.</a>
How can you say that a young woman would only support a male candidate because that is where the boys are? How, then, do you account for women like me, born at the tail end of the Baby Boomer generation, who also support Bernie Sanders? I was never boy crazy. I married my husband when I was thirty-five. Perhaps there is a deeper appeal to Senator Sanders than you care to admit. Perhaps these young women are not all that shallow and flighty as you seem to think. Perhaps they see what I see. Someone they feel can be trusted. Someone who is authentic. Someone who has integrity. Someone who genuinely cares about them. Someone who is not taking money from Wall Street. Someone who is interested in getting money out of politics. Someone who has expressed an interest in establishing a grassroots movement.
Perhaps you need to be reminded that you once
made him "an honorary woman." (at about the 15:45 mark).
Naturally we all have a bias for our own kind. In my case that is being drawn to him as a Jew, who, like me, had a family member who came to this country, and, who, incidentally, lost family in the Holocaust just like I did.
It's understandable, Ms. Steinem, that you would prefer a real woman over an honorary one, but to suggest that we are all making these decisions based upon something so superficial as gender is to assume that we are incapable of critical thinking.
I hope that, in the days to come, you will walk back some of this. There must have been something about Bernie Sanders that caused you to previously endorse him. Is he no longer good enough for you? Is he no longer an honorary woman, which, incidentally, I find just as condescending as if a man were to call me an honorary man.
I have also fought against my share of sexism and misogyny. One time my roommate's boyfriend told me I was built like a linebacker. And then they wondered why I didn't want to go out to breakfast with them. Or the men at work who tried to put me down and insinuate that I was a lesbian because I dared to speak my mind about many issues important to women. I've had men stare at my breasts (when I still had them) and not look into my eyes when they have spoken to me. Even now I am seeing to it that the young men I know will vote for Secretary Clinton if she is the nominee. When they talk to me about PMS, I unequivocally disabuse them of those notions. Women deserve respect. We deserve to be treated as equals alongside men.
However, Ms. Steinem and Ms. Albright, it is the assertion that Hillary Clinton has to be the woman who becomes our first woman president that I find objectionable. There is a certain sense of entitlement surrounding Secretary Clinton that I do not accept. No one deserves to be president. One has to earn the public's trust. Senator Sanders has earned that trust, as far as I am concerned. Are there things I wish he'd do differently? Yes. Am I absolutely certain that he will be able to deliver on what he wants to deliver on? Time will tell. There are a lot of variables that would need to be in place for either Sanders or Clinton to be able to carry out any agenda.
There is no doubt in my mind that Secretary Clinton is very smart and very capable. If she is the nominee, I will vote for her. I will fall in line as Bill Clinton would say. But the other part? Fall in love? Never. I will continue, however, to respect the office of the presidency, whoever the president happens to be.
What I'm asking of the two of you is to allow for a difference of opinion without attempting to either vilify or put down women like me who are favoring Bernie Sanders. To me, real feminism means respecting my autonomy and my decision regardless of what your choice may be. A lot of women are excited about Secretary Clinton. I just don't happen to share it. But that doesn't make me any less of a feminist or thoughtful about who I want to vote for and why.