As I write it is 3:04 am. I cannot sleep because of the fire in my belly. I've been reminded of what these last 35+ years have meant to me, my family, my friends and the country I once loved so dearly.
In 1979 I was 24. That year as the elections approached I read with anguish the policies expounded by Ronald Reagan and felt this exact same feeling. I remember telling my mother at the time that I only wished I were brave enough to be an assassin. That Reagan was going to destroy everything I loved about America. She laughed and waved me off as silly then went and voted for him. A generations long loyalty to the democratic party was broken in my family. “He was a nice man”, she said. And so he seemed on the face of it. But I knew better then and spoke out saying it would be the ruin of things as we knew them.
I was 8 when JFK was killed. It was frightening being dragged out of class at PS181 for an emergency assembly. I was 13 the year they killed MLK AND RFK. I remember these events and the crushing blow to our collective psyche. That feeling of helplessness. Of wonders and hopes and opportunities lost.
i write this now to my 24 year old son. In 2014 I asked if he had voted. He said, ‘no was there an election?’. I was saddened as we have always talked about politics and the costs of partipication. But, I wrote it off, with I slight scold, because now he was on his own starting his new life.
By the time of Jimmy Carter there was a slight renewal but the destruction machine had been set into motion and he was beat about the head endlessly until his reputation was pummeled. Imagine a full four years without war!!
But we travel through life doing the things we must and all along I have this extremely slow moving dread of the future as I feel the incremental drip, drip, drip of all things precious.
The military is out of control and I know it. But hey, I'm making money enjoying life trying not to pay attention. It will change. People will get it. Right?
The erosion continues. Day by day, month by month, decade by decade.
We’re told this is how it is. This is how the world works. Suck it up. There's no free lunch.
There’s Bush The Elder and his Cheney/Rumsfeld fiascos. Followed by William Jefferson Clinton and the Grand Triangulations where we’re told relentlessly ‘we must compromise with corporate power to enjoy a properous time’. I never felt real good about these compromises.
Along comes Bush Junior and the coronation by SCOTUS because Mr. Gore didn't want to ‘damage’ the country. We all know how that ended. But wait, there's this eloquent senator from Illinios. He’ll fix things, right?
By this time I am so cynical that I explain to my enthusiastic 16 year old son this one simple thing. ‘Don't get your hopes up too high. You don't even get a shot at the job unless you understand how the game is played’ and ‘even if he is so lucky to get the chance, he will be compromised from the start’. How sick is that?
And Barry played along. Watched the economy crash before being sworn in. Hired the guys that did it and looked the other way. I explained this as it happened. Watched most of my retirement washed down the drain. It's only 30 years I can't do over. It nearly killed me from the stress of finding a way out.
This is NOT my story. This is OUR story. I know this parallels many lives here.
In 2010 or 2011, I can’t remember because I was under so much financial pressure. I joined Occupy in Fort Lauderdale. Many days 300, 400, 500 strong. Everyone passing honked including police and firefighters. I knew then that everyone shared that sinking feeling I had.
Then they crushed us.
Fast forward to two months ago. My son, now the same exact age as I was when Ronnie Raygun first darkened our doors, texts me an article from the Financial Times. The friggin Financial Times?? Whaaaa? He's excited maybe there's hope? It's about Bernie. I'm sayin somethings up!
I’d been following Bernie too but listened too much to the chattering class. He can't win. He’s a socialist. Don't waste your time. Move along, nothing to see here.
We, of a certain age, need to have some perspective. We have been beaten down and brainwashed for 36 years now. We forget who we are. You can't do this and you can't do that. It won't work.
90% are for gun background checks. Oh, we can't have that!
60% are for expanding Social Security. Oh, we can't do that!
Everyone wants universal healthcare. Oh, but you can't do that!
Majorities are for campaign finance reform. Oh, you can't do that!
Majorities are for marijuana legalization. Oh, you can't do that!
Mass incarceration and privatized prisons are distasteful but, you know the money and all.
On and on and on I could go but you get the drift.
To my son, Joseph. Yes we friggin can. The bastards have had their sway long enough. It's now or never. No fear. Let's roll (as they say).
We’re only asking to go back to an equatable time. The time of Teddy and FDR and even Carter. They broke up the railroads, the banks and Ma Bell. It can happen.
We, of a certain age, are shell shocked. We have Stockholm Syndrome. We have been convinced we have no chance as the headwinds are toooooo much.
Imagine a time when we convert to green energy and create millions of new jobs, when we are no longer the worlds police force and can put a trillion dollars into education, infrastructure, high speed rail and maybe, just maybe, catch up with the rest of the world.
Now my son says to me, ‘ya know, you guys did this to us’. I weep but remind him I'm an old Hippie and remember when.
Its their world now. Let's help them bust through this long strange nightmare.