From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment
Struck a real gem this week so I'm putting our regular Thursday below-the-fold feature up top. It's like she saw Trump comin' ten years ago. March, 2006:
[I]t was '83 or some year right around there when we held The Fence climbing contest. See, people talked about building The Fence back then, too. The Fence along the Mexican border. To keep Them out.
At the time, the proposal was quite specific---a 17-foot cyclone fence with bob wire at the top. So a test fence was built at Terlingua, [Texas] and the First-Ever Terlingua Memorial Over, Under or Through Mexican Fence Climbing Contest took place. Prize: a case of Lone Star beer.
Winning time: 30 seconds.
I tell this story to make the one single point about the border and immigration we know to be true: The Fence will not work. No fence will work. The Great darn Wall of China will not work. Do not build a fence. It will not work. They will come anyway. Over, under or through.
Some of you think a fence will work because Israel has one. Israel is a very small country. Anyone who says a fence can fix this problem is a demagogue and an ass.
Read the whole thing here. In Molly's honor today, please find a mic and drop it.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Note: The House Oversight Committee finally grills Michigan Governor Rick Snyder over the Flint water-poisoning crisis today. Starts at 9am and they should have live-streaming of it here. We’ll keep track of how many times he passes the buck and/or throws someone under the bus until the number gets so high that we lose count. Give him hell, Dems.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Easter: 10
Days 'til Maine Maple Sunday throughout the state: 10
Consumer price index increase for the year ending in February, according to the Labor Department: 2.3%
Percent increase in housing starts last month, a healthy number according to the Commerce Dept.: 5.2%
Percent chance that there will be riots if the Republican nomination is bestowed on someone besides Donald Trump, according to Donald Trump: 100%
Total ad spending by the failed Marco Rubio campaign, amounting to $327,400 for each of the 168 delegates he won: $55 million
Estimated increase in retail sales of marijuana this year versus last year, according to the 2016 Marijuana Business Factbook: 17%-26%
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
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CHEERS to the anti-Scalia. “[Obama] could easily name Merrick Garland, who is a fine man. He probably won't do that.” Those words were spoken last Friday by Senate Judiciary Committee member Orrin Hatch (R-UT) because, of course, Obama would neeever nominate someone so sensible and centrist to the Supreme Court. Surprise!!! Obama nominated Judge Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court:
He currently serves as Chief Judge on the U.S. Court of Appeals in D.C., a court to which he was confirmed with majority support from both parties in the U.S. Senate in 1997.
Now presiding as Chief Judge, Judge Garland has more federal judicial experience than any Supreme Court nominee in history. Born and raised in Illinois and a devoted family man, Judge Garland has dedicated his life to serving the American people, taking on some of the most difficult anti-terrorism cases in our nation’s history. In the wake of the Oklahoma City bombing, he led the investigation and prosecution that ultimately brought Timothy McVeigh to justice.
As a mentor to his law clerks and a tutor to elementary school children, he is a dedicated and compassionate public servant who conservatives and progressives praise for his rigorous intellect, his respect for the role of the judiciary, and his mastery of the law.
I like him. Let's have the hearings and get this thing done!
JEERS to not having hearings and not getting this thing done. And thus we come to the Republican reaction to Judge Garland's nomination: No No No No No No! Here's my list so far of the reasons they've cited:
> It violates the non-existent "Thurmond rule."
> It violates the non-existent "Biden Rule."
> No.
> Never.
> The voters of 2012 did not decide the 2012 election and thus have no say in this matter. The voters of 2016 will be the voice of both the 2012 election and the 2016 election, and if you don’t believe us, stick your head in our homemade time-space vortex and see for yourself.
> Because.
> Antonin Scalia's seat is reserved only for conservative justices who are openly hostile to gays, women and voting rights, and who get A+ ratings from the Argle Bargle Society, the Jiggery-Pokery Foundation and the Secret Order of the Knights of Apple Sauce.
> We said no, right? Well, in case we didn’t: NO!
Fine, then. Republicans lose the White House and the Senate by a filibuster-proof majority in November and---Ta daaa!---welcome to the bench, Justice Michael Moore!
CHEERS to a fascinating couple. Today is the wedding anniversary of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. They were married on March 17, 1905 in New York:
[A]fter a year and a half long engagement, Franklin Delano Roosevelt married Anna Eleanor Roosevelt.
The 20-year-old bride was escorted down the aisle by her uncle, then President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt.
The ceremony took place at the New York City home of Eleanor’s great uncle and aunt, Edward and Margaret Livingston Ludlow.
The reception took place next door at the home of her cousin, Susan Parish. Though no photographs of the day are known to exist, several artifacts from the wedding are in the FDR Library’s museum collection.
So, uh…what do you get a couple when they reach their 111th anniversary? Well, if they're still actually walking the earth after all that time they would probably say, "Braaaaains..." (And that would be your cue to run.)
JEERS to beating me to the punch. I was this close to making mathematics history this morning by releasing the solution to Fermat's Last Theorem, but…fuck:
It was a problem that had baffled mathematicians for centuries---until British professor Andrew Wiles set his mind to it.
"There are no whole number solutions to the equation xn + yn = zn when n is greater than 2."
Otherwise known as "Fermat's Last Theorem," this equation was first posed by French mathematician Pierre de Fermat in 1637, and had stumped the world's brightest minds for over 300 years. … "I was very lucky that not only did I solve the problem, but I opened the door for a whole new era in my field," said Wiles.
I'm not deterred, though, seeing as there are other math problems sitting in front of me that need solving. Like, for instance: What's the least I can pay you to solve these other math problems sitting in front of me?
CHEERS to today's edition of It's The Little Things That Make Life Worth Living. Via Talking Points Memo:
House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) shut down the rumors once and for all on Wednesday that he would be the GOP nominee in the event of a contested convention, Politico reported. …
"I've been really clear about this. If you want to be president, you should run for president. We should select our nominee from among the people who are running for president," Ryan told Politico in an interview.
"Clear and simple. So no, I am not going to be the president. I am not going to be the nominee."
This has been today's edition of It's The Little Things That Make Life Worth Living.
CHEERS to things that go "snap." On March 17, 1845, Stephen Perry received his patent for the rubber band. Something everyone should see at least once in their lifetime: a condom playing a tuba.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 17, 2006
JEERS to rivers running black. The largest oil spill ever on Alaska's North Slope is a big mess. The bad news: 276,00 gallons of crude oil leaked out of a pipeline. The good news: Alaska's North Slope will never squeak again.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the Irish. As you've no doubt discerned from all the drunken renditions of Danny Boy outside your window, today is St. Patrick's Day. And this year we're happy to say that a new tradition was started down yonder in New York City, where organizers finally saw the light (pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, as it were) and the mayor's office lifted its two-year boycott so Bill de Blasio will join the festivities. And everyone lived happily ever after except the few curmudgeonly Catholic muckety mucks who are now the ones boycotting it. As for me, I'm Swiss and totally neutral about St. Patrick's Day. But Federal law requires us to post the following:
Some American cities go all out for St. Patrick's Day. In Chicago they dye the river green. In Boston everyone wears green. In Colorado, they smoke the green. Then someone tells them it's St. Patrick's Day. ---Craig Ferguson
The prime minister of Ireland will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the White House. So finally the Secret Service agents will have a drinking buddy. ---Conan O'Brien
On St. Patrick's Day, Americans are expected to drink over 13 million pints of Guinness. To give you an idea how much beer that is, go outside and look at the sidewalk.
---Seth Meyers
"Anyone in the TV business knows that the best way to create a hit show is not to create one, but instead to import a hit show from overseas. NBC's The Office came from Britain's The Office…and Chris Matthews' Hardball was adapted from the Irish children's program, The Very Angry Potato."
---Stephen Colbert
Shillelagh! (Gesundheit.)
Have a nice O'Thursday. Floor's o’pen...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“What more evidence is necessary that Bill in Portland Maine is not in alignment with biblical truth and even historical truth? I think it’s time for a new kiddie pool.”
---Tony Perkins, Family Research Council
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