Let’s say you’re running for both a county council seat and a state senate seat, but you decide that instead of an uncertain race for the county council seat, you would rather have cold, hard cash in hand. So, you offer to drop out of the race if four people each pay $5,000 to you. Are you with me so far?
Eager for action, and hot for the game, you go to meet one of those individuals, who promptly hands over an envelope with $5,000 cash in it, and you think, “LOTTERY!” But then, the police come around the corner and arrest you for "inducement to file for, or withdraw from, candidacy for election."
Your former campaign website contains—at the top—this little gem:
"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." John 8:32
That was the inscription over the archway of the humanities building where I went to college. I always thought it was some philosopher until I joined the Bible Study Fellowship in Myrtle Beach. It's from the New Testament. Sadly, I wonder if you could put that up today. Miami University in Ohio is a state college.
Well, let me tell you, my friend, that that is run-of-the-mill karmic justice. That is, at best, Alanis Morissette-level irony. Ho-fucking-hum. It’s like you turned on The Disney Channel expecting to find over-acting and found over-acting.
Unless, of course, the news of your arrest happened to occur in the local newspaper at the same time your campaign sticker was affixed to the top of it. Like so:
That is a photo of today’s Myrtle Beach Sun News. As you can see, our boy Dick Withington (his real name), has his beautiful campaign sticker affixed to the top of the front page, replete with mirror-image elephants and the statement, “Dick Withington, Our New Senator.” And right next to it, you have the top-of-the-front-page capsule showing your arrest for accepting a bribe.
Now that, my friends, is Life in the Fast Lane and Karmic Justice.