From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
"When Democrats start calling for the execution of gays and Muslims, I promise I will hit them just as hard.”
Samantha Bee was prohibited from airing Full Frontal Monday on TBS because of those dang college kids and their unhealthy bouncyball obsession. But she posted this segment on You Tube (probably not work friendly, at least not without earbuds) that introduces us to some of Ted Cruz's most trusted advisors and BFFs:
Trump…or Cruz? Cruz…or Trump? I can't decide who I'd rather destroy this fall in the general. Can we put them on the same ticket pleeeeez can we???
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Note: PolitiFact rates this note False. In response, this note rates PolitiFact’s rating Pants-On-Fire. Up next: a giant street brawl.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the New York primary: 13
Days 'til the USA Science and Engineering Festival in D.C.: 10
Number of pre-orders for the Tesla Model 3 as of end-of-day Saturday, double founder Elon Musk's expectations: 276,000
Minimum number of people killed in Mexico's drug war over the last decade, according to drugpolicy.org: 100,000
Number of prisoners remaining at the American gulag at Gitmo after the release of two Libyans to Senegal: 89
Number of prisoners expected to be released within the next few months: 35
Age of Joseph Medicine Crow, the last living link to the Battle of Little Big Horn, when he died Sunday: 102
And this:
Boston Red Sox 6 Cleveland Indians 2
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Mid-week Rapture Index:
180 (including 3 beast governments and 1 return of God's opposing team). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
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CHEERS to badgers for Bernie. Confetti cannon shells are still bursting in air this morning after yesterday's (open) Wisconsin primary, where voters delivered yet another victory to the Burlington Bird Whisperer. He's expected to take at least 45 delegates to Hillary’s 31. The next contest is Saturday in Wyoming (18 delegates)---it's a caucus so Bernie is expected to do well there, too. And then on the 19th: New Yawk, an electoral treasure chest stuffed with 291 dazzling delegates. If the current crystal-ballery holds up, Team Hillary will finally step back into the winner's circle after a nearly month-long drought. On the Republican side, Wisconsin showed more love for Ted Cruz than Donald Drumpf, which throws a little more gasoline on the contested-convention fire. Thanks for your hospitality, Wisconsin. Now you can get on with what you were doing before the circus came to town: throwing tomatoes at your governor.
JEERS to southern inhospitality. Sorry, North Carolina, but you don’t have the most discriminatory anti-LGBT law in the land anymore. (But in fairness, North Carolina is #1 in PayPal payback.) As of yesterday that distinction goes to Mississippi, where Governor Phil Bryant signed HB 1523 into horrible law:
The first-of-its-kind law will take effect in July, and allow businesses, individuals, and religiously affiliated organizations to deny service to LGBT people, single mothers, and others who somehow offend an individual's "sincerely held religious belief."
It also directly targets transgender residents, effectively claiming that one's sex assigned at birth is immutable, and will be the only gender recognized by the state.
“This is a sad day for the state of Mississippi and for the thousands of Mississippians who can now be turned away from businesses, refused marriage licenses, or denied housing, essential services and needed care based on who they are,” said Jennifer Riley-Collins, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Mississippi in a statement.
Only one thing for opponents of the law to do now: object to it on religious grounds and---sing Hallelujah!---sue the state's ass off for Jesus.
CHEERS to great moments in synthetics. On April 6, 1869, the first form of plastic---celluloid---was patented. 147 years later, the talking heads at Fox News swear by it for their almost-lifelike appearance. Memo to Sean Hannity: Order another case---you're sagging again.
CHEERS to doing your job. This shouldn’t be a notable event, but with the modern-day Republican party acting like a bunch of bully boys who think they own the entire treehouse, it's practically groundbreaking. Maine's GOP senator---a girl!!!---refused to let her pigtails be pulled anymore when it comes to confirming President Obama's Supreme Court nominee:
“The meeting left me more convinced than ever that the process should proceed,” [Susan Collins] told reporters after their meeting.
“The next step, in my view, should be public hearings before the Judiciary Committee so that the issues that we explored in my office can be publicly aired and so that senators can have a better opportunity to flesh out all of the issues that we discussed.” […]
“It would be ironic if the next president happens to be a Democrat and chooses someone who is far to Judge Garland’s left,” Ms. Collins said. “But we really don’t know what’s going to happen in this very strange political year, so I think what we should do is follow the normal process with the nominee that has been sent up by the president, and that to me is the best way to proceed.”
The news of her rebellion did not go over well with her GOP overlords. This morning when she woke up she found a lobster head in her bed.
CHEERS to saving the best for last. The men having gotten their silly little Nerf basketball tournament out of the way Monday, last night it was time for the rock 'em, sock 'em finale: the Women's Division I NCAA Battle Royale. And the champs are the UConn Huskies, in a 82-51 win over Syracuse. And now that this year's March Madness is all over (in April, yes, thank you, we're aware of that), it's time to take the final step: you must now print out your brackets and eat them. [MunchMunchMunch…gulp] And we'll speak no more of it.
CHEERS to little reminders. Thirty-six years ago today, Post-It Notes were introduced by 3M. The road to market was a textbook case of serendipity. Little-known fact: A Post-It Note plays a central role in archiving 43's accomplishments at the George W. Bush Preznidential Libary:
Took Oath. Broke Stuff.
Took Oath Again. Broke More Stuff.
Meanwhile 78 years ago, in 1938, Roy Plunkett invented Teflon. It has saved many a meal...and many a presidency.
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Eleven years ago in C&J: April 6, 2005
JEERS to the Crasher-in-Chief. George W. Bush says he will attend the funeral of the Pope John Paul II on Friday. Which means the entire Catholic hierarchy will have to get tickets in advance and sign a loyalty oath. And don't get wise with your T-shirts and bumper stickers, Monsignors, or you'll end up in the parking lot.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to shiny objects. Cover your ears a moment because I gotta go Squeeeeeeee!!!! I no longer have to pry open the back door of the movie theater with a crowbar to see Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens and I'll tell you why: that sucker's finally out on DVD and Blu-ray this week. The extras provide some interesting new tidbits about the characters as you can read in this post at People. To mark the occasion, here's the now-classic Undercover Boss: Kylo Ren as "Matt" SNL sketch with Adam Driver:
It comes with deleted scenes, a full-length making-of doc, and a feature on composer John Williams and the elves behind the creatures. It'll tide me over until Rogue One: A Star Wars Story comes out in December. But just barely.
Oh, and today is Read A Road Map Day. At least it would be if it hadn’t just flown out the back window of the family station wagon. Sorry, dad. Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"This fevered pipe dream of Washington, that at the convention they will parachute in Bill in Portland Maine to save the Washington establishment, it is nothing less than a pipe dream."
---Sen. Ted Cruz
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