If you have never watched Duck Dynasty and are not familiar with its breakout star and religiously unhinged grand patriarch Phil Robertson, well … bless you. He’s been stumping for the equally unpalatable Ted Cruz, with quotes about “clean women” and such. He was brought out by NASCAR to give an opening invocation at a big NASCAR event, shown on FOX, in Texas.
He started the invocation:
What we got here is bibles and guns. I’m fixing to pray to the One that made that possible.
Oh. Boy.
I pray Father, that we don’t forget the one who brought us, which is you.
The “which is you” sort of sounds like you almost forgot Him, Phil.
I have faith in the blood of Jesus and his resurrection. Help us Father to get back to that.
Back to the blood of Jesus? You want to murder Jesus? You want to go back, murder Jesus and then resurrect Jesus so you can see it? He proceeds to mention the U.S. military at the event.
Our faith in You and the U.S. military is the reason we are still here.
Nothing against the U.S. military but is your God in the U.S. military? Is He like a high-ranking official in our armed forces?
Listen, Phil Robertson is a dummy of a scared man. But Phil Robertson always delivers. There’s always a phrase that makes you go, this Phil Robertson is a special kind of bigoted dummy man.
I pray that we put a Jesus-man in the White House. Help us do that.
Jesus. Man. You know who discovered the resurrection? Women, you dick.