It has not been an easy week. I don’t sleep well when stressed, and I didn’t get much sleep at all Friday night.
As you can see by Itzl's concerned look, this group is for us to check in at to let people know we are alive, doing OK, and not affected by such things as heat, blizzards, floods, wild fires, hurricanes, tornadoes, power outages, or other such things that could keep us off DKos. It's also so we can find other Kossacks nearby for in-person checks when other methods of communication fail - a buddy system. Members come here to check in. If you're not here, or anywhere else on DKos, and there are adverse conditions in your area (floods, heatwaves, hurricanes, etc.), we and your buddy are going to check up on you. If you are going to be away from your computer for a day or a week, let us know here. We care!
IAN is a great group to join, and a good place to learn to write diaries. Drop one of us a PM to be added to the Itzl Alert Network anytime! We all share the publishing duties, and we welcome everyone who reads IAN to write diaries for the group! Every member is an editor, so anyone can take a turn when they have something to say, photos and music to share, a cause to promote or news!
My position is being eliminated due to money issues, and I don’t know how long it will be before I find another job — I’m within three years of full retirement age and there’s only so far seniority will go. I want to work those three years, for several good reasons; I don’t mind hard work (I wouldn’t have lasted nearly 19 years in the job I have if I did); I like learning things; there are a lot of things I can do very well indeed. We’ll see what happens. Wish me well, please.
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One problem I have is a tendency to believe that everybody I know thinks I’m more trouble than I’m worth. I don’t think my parents meant to leave me with that impression, but that was the message that came through most loudly in how they treated me while I was growing up.
By the time my firstborn was three, my first husband was pretty well set in the habit of thinking it was impossible to have fun if I was within the immediate 10 miles. My second husband — well, if it had come out how appalling he thought the idea of even possibly having to maybe support me at some time in the future was before we were married, we most likely wouldn’t have been. And both of them (for wildly varying reasons) tried to make me turn into their mothers.
You begin to see what kept me awake Friday, I think. I don’t enjoy wallowing in self-pity, but I do it every so often. Sometimes even after I’ve put the issue in my God jar.
One of the things that keeps me coming back here is that hearing what happens in other folks’ lives keeps me from blowing my own troubles completely out of a halfway realistic proportion. But I’m living alone, supporting myself, and even though I’m certain I will have a comfortable retirement, I do wish I knew how I was going to get there from where I am now.
And I also wish somebody loved me enough that I didn’t have to be perfect first.